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On the latest episode of Real Housewives of the O.C., Peggy Tanous and Tamra Barney channel their inner Ramodels, Gretchen Rossi gets immortalized on canvas, Vicki Gunvalson worries about her daughter’s Vegas vacation, and Alexis Bellino fancies herself the next Michael Kors (I am so sorry for the comparison, Mr. Kors). Former cast members Jeana Keough and Lynne Curtin return to make things interesting for Tamra.

Vicki invites Alexis over for a glass of wine to clear the air. Alexis is still droning on and on about Macegate. Vicki feigns interest in Alexis’ business endeavors while making little digs here and there. It’s all fine (yeah, right) with Alexis as she always tries “to do what Jesus would do.” Alexis tells Vicki that she’s not stupid, to which Vicki chastises, “Of course, not, you’re just young.” Alexis fires back, “I have a 48-year-old husband who has a lot of life lessons.” Um, Alexis, that statement did nothing but remind the viewers you married a much older sugar daddy…with a chimplant.

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In a “Things I Could Have Gone My Entire Life Without Knowing” moment, we learn that Slade is an “amazing artist” who paints. Naked. (Still cringing.) Slade takes Gretchen on a picnic to an art studio for her birthday…Gretchen’s laugh is grating and it seems like it’s all she does this scene. Artist Daniel Maltzman gives Gretchen an abstract painting lesson. To Gretchen, this is pretty boring, as she would have preferred to paint with her nipples rather than a paintbrush. Wouldn’t we all? As a birthday present, Slade gives Gretchen a portrait of herself and (duh) she loves it, and (double duh) she thinks it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. Slade apologizes for being broke. However, Gretchen believes it takes a bigger man to admit he’s struggling with money and commends him for coming up with such a special gift. Funny, it wasn’t the “sweetest thing ever” when she thought she was only getting the abstract painting.

In a scene which illustrates the housewife “Money Can’t Buy You Class” phenomenon, Peggy and Micah meet with Susan Feniger, celebrity chef from Border Grill, to discuss a menu for the couple’s upcoming supper club. The chef wants to do Mexican fare, but Micah thinks tacos are better suited for a pool party than a dinner party. Micah continues his veiled insults towards the chef when she doesn’t want to cook the fried Oreos he requested for dessert. So, let me get this straight–Mexican food is too “casual” for your event, but you want to serve an item I last ate at the state fair? (Okay, that’s a lie…I didn’t eat a fried Oreo at the fair–but only because the line was way too long.) Peggy reveals that she doesn’t care about the food, she just wants a celebrity chef at her party to impress her friends. Well, you don’t say!

Vicki’s daughter Briana is going to Vegas and gets “the rules of roofie-ing” from Vicki. It’s the Spanish Inquisition when Briana gets a phone call from her new boyfriend, firefighter Ryan, whom Vicki has yet to meet. This poor girl…she seems to have a good head on her shoulders, she works hard, she keeps things in check and isn’t half as wild as her mother, yet Vicki continues to nag. Vicki tells Briana that she hopes the new beau is tattoo free, and she reminds her daughter that if she gets tatted, she’s out of the family. Things I need to remember: young people getting tattoos–tacky; fifty-year-old women with belly button rings–classy. Okay, got it.

Orange County fashion designer Marisa Kenson is having a fashion show and has invited Tamra and Peggy to model. At the first fitting, Tamra pretends she’s too “shy” to walk in front of the other women and Peggy’s new twins almost cause a wardrobe malfunction. Enter from stage left a much skinnier, Jeana…the first ghost of housewives past sent to haunt Tamra. Tamra admits that Jeana looks great, but says she has an ugly soul. Pot, have you met kettle? Jeana proceeds to “catch up” with Tamra, and I’m hoping she can remember all this information she plans to relay to Simon. Maybe she should have picked up a notepad and pen before beginning this interrogation conversation.

Alexis reveals (again) why she’s creating Alexis Couture. People always comment on her taste, so why not start a successful dress line? You know what, people always comment on my height, but I know better than to try out for the WNBA. Just sayin’. (Forgive me for that moment of channeling Danielle Staub.) Alexis defines ‘couture’ as a term used to describe clothes for rich people. Somewhere Roberto Cavalli is shedding a tear. I am not going to lie, I felt a bit sick during this scene. I get it, the dress line is Alexis’ “baby,” but I don’t really see her doing more than putting her name (and picture, of course) on this talented dressmaker’s work. “I’m the boss, I’m always right,” she says after cutting the sleeve off a dress that I can only assume took poor Tal months to make. Something tells me that is NOT what Jesus would do.

At the rehearsal for the fashion show, Peggy certainly works the runway. Maybe she can give Ramona some lessons her next go-round. (I wrote that last part before seeing the actual fashion show, but I left it in so you will all know what an idiot I am.) During the real runway, girlfriend sure knows how to fling an arm. Jeana turns her twenty questions to Peggy and her lifestyle, but Peggy is unphased. Tamra has trouble putting one foot in front of the other while on the phone with Eddie before the show. I wonder how long she’s been waiting to do that walking and chewing gum joke. After another pity party about being fearful of the catwalk, Tamra goes into full-blown Miley Cyrus mode with a major strut and an endless barrage of peace signs.

Vicki’s daughter is in Vegas with her friend Danielle…you may remember her as the poor employee Vicki spanked. Briana is downing Dom, enjoying bottle service, smoking a hookah, and getting hit on by some ladies. I don’t know who she’s taking after more…her mom or her mom’s bff Tamra. While the girls are clearly over-served, I don’t think Vicki needs to be too concerned. Briana faceplants on the sofa of their room sans roofies and tats.

The second ghost of housewives past appears when Lynne comes to train at Fernanda’s gym. Fernanda spills the beans that last year at Tamra’s birthday lunch, a married Tamra followed Fernanda to the bathroom for a little smoochy-smoochy session. Fernanda’s current business partner/ex-lover is visibly upset by this news, as she and Fernanda were together at the time of the kiss. Lynne reminds us of what she did best as a castmate, and just blankly stares back and forth. God, I’ve missed her. I only wish she were wearing one of her cuffs.

Next week we get the O.C.’s version of the “Dinner Party from Hell” at Peggy and Micah’s, with references to Slade’s child support (or lack thereof), Jim’s absence, and some apparent dra-mah involving Vicki. And Alexis thought the mace at her party was bad…

On Watch What Happens Live, the hilarious Rachel Dratch and the easy-on-the-eyes Cheyenne Jackson join Andy in the clubhouse. Rachel does a magnificent Gretchen impression. Andy’s guests are dishing on their favorite parts of tonight’s show…mainly how awkward it was watching Micah request fried Oreos from a former Top Chef Master. I really wish I could join this conversation with them.

Tamra tweets to Andy that she kisses all of her friends when she’s drunk. Of course she does. Cheyenne says he’d prefer Eddie to Slade Smiley (“wait, Slade Smiley–that’s one person?” inserts the ever-funny Rachel), because he likes the dark meat. The group continues to imitate cast members and their most memorable quotes during game time. I have to say, Rachel does an equally impressive Ramona and Cheyenne is spot-on as Phaedra. A special thanks to one viewer who e-mailed Andy to inform us all that Alexis Couture is the not just a dress line, but also a porn site. Mazel!

And below is an exclusive sneak peek into next week’s episode!


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