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On last night’s episode of Mob Wives, the ladies sort of make amends after taking dinner party from hell to a whole new meaning. Renee pretends she wants to date a normal man who is not in the mafia, Drita and Carla have incarcerated husband situations, and Karen finally snaps and throws a vase at Renee, but fails to knock any sense into her. Darn.

The episode began exactly where last week’s ended – with brawling in Renee’s dining room! Renee laments that when she set up her Sunday dinner it was to get the girls together to calmly talk about their mental issues, but sadly her “beautiful Sunday dinner has turned into a cage fight.” Renee should have expected as much since with all the issues these girls have it would take more than a Sunday evening to work through everything; more like Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and all the way to the next week!

During the argument ready to rumble Drita “squares up” to break apart Carla and Renee, but Karen “The Bull” Gravano says Drita is going to have to get through her first! Clearly those two definitely still have high school drama things to work out. Good thing friend savior Renee invited them both! Renee claims that not only is Carla “attacking” her in her own home, she is also screaming in her face because she doesn’t want to hear the truth about her own boyfriend. Remember, Renee just wants to protect Carla from dating a serial a** groper. Carla has a different opinion of Renee “That mouth don’t stop going!” Graziano – she thinks Renee is a liar. So Carla tells Renee as much.

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And then the waterworks – Renee never, ever, ever raises her hands (ummm… somebody needs to watch some re-runs). Especially over men who have ripped their lives apart and are now ripping their friendships apart. AHA! So Carla’s man is in the mob and that’s why he doesn’t want to be on camera. Renee – and I sort of believe her a bit – claims she was just trying to protect her friend Carla. And then Karen gets fed up – she’s over it, she wants to talk about her now, so she throws a vase at Renee!!… and turns into the therapist she must secretly be visiting; and thank god we are spared watching these sessions. Oh wait, a second – we get to hear them every time she discusses “writing her book” with her cousin or book editor or writing coach or whatever.

After demonstrating that she is Drita Jr and willing to throw down, Carla explains she thinks Renee is going to let it go and stay out of her relationships. I don’t! And then Drita starts yelling at Renee for getting involved in the situation between her and Karen. Um… Drita – was this really the appropriate time? I guess girlfriend got a taste of blood and was jonesing for a fight. Of course, Karen calls Drita out for dating her ex without telling her. LET IT GO KAREN! Drita doesn’t seem to think she has done anything wrong because she didn’t steal Lee from Karen and she wasn’t sleeping with him while they were dating. About Lee – does this guy have a magic penis? Seriously?! What is up with this?! I get it that Karen feels Drita betrayed her, but how long ago was this with Karen living in another state, committing other crimes, and dating other mob losers?

It goes on and on, screaming at each other. I have to admit that the entire time I was watching this I was distracted by how perfect Drita’s lipstick remained throughout the knockdown drag out fight. Eventually Karen admits that the real reason she is upset is because it hurt her feelings that Drita got with Lee and ditched her. Well that makes sense and all the sudden KAREN is crying and Drita is apologizing and then there is hugging. Is this the same show? It was like WWF wrestling one minute and “Thank You For Being A Friend” cheesecake on the lanai the next. It only took several screaming fights and a couple physical ones for them to just apologize. As Drita says, hitting your friends isn’t the answer (or is it?) because she doesn’t want to have to go to the hospital and apologize.

Love and hugs doesn’t last long because the next day Carla is already complaining that Renee invited her over for of dinner so she got dressed all pretty and instead of a home cooked meal she got Sunday Dinner Brawl. Drita thinks next time they have a fight things will result in a shootout. Great… I hope the camera crew has bulletproof vests and stun guns handy.

Also, meeting to talk about the group therapy session dinner are Renee and Karen. Karen feels all “Make Love, Not War” and Drita is her BFF again. In fact, the real reason Karen invited Renee to lunch is to get back Renee’s half of the Best Friends Forever broken heart necklace so she can give it to Drita. Predictably, Renee is still pissed at Carla for not dumping her boyfriend after Renee told her to so she is going to tell Junior, her ex, to beat him up or something. Apparently she is now seeing Junior again because as he is about to return to prison he is spending time with her and their son AJ and staying the night at Renee’s. Renee describes their re-newed family as: “The Sopranos meets The Osbournes.” Anybody else scared? I’m scared. Renee admits she may have this dating thing all wrong and that she is going on www.prisonmatch.com to meet men who have been incarcerated, because that’s who will put up with her. Oops – I mean, those are her type. Just kidding, she is actually going to try good ole’ traditional online dating of the e-harmony variety.

Carla goes out for drinks with old friends and we find out CARLA(!) used to work on wall street as a sales assistant at a stockfirm until she was fired. And this is also where she met her ex-husband, Joe. They were fired together – awwww… true love! Carla describes her marriage and we FINALLY get to see a picture of this Joe! And they were happy. Until she found out all her fancy cars and designer dogs were actually bought with insider trader money and boom just like that her life as a wealthy Staten Island housewife fell apart. Ask Martha Stewart – stock fraud just never works out well for anyone!

Drita and Renee get together to set up Renee’s online dating profile which asks questions, like: Does she drink? (COPIOUS AMOUNTS) Is she in shape? (That’s what plastic surgery is for) Her source of income? (Laundered money) Her type? (Doesn’t mind that his in-laws are incarcerated), Her hobbies: (Starting fights with her friends, plastic surgery, writing letters to men in prison, and baking cakes with files in them). So who does she meet – a seven times divorcee! And Antonio who is wearing loafers and sweat suit bottoms. Oh Renee…. Stick to the convicts!

At Drita’s house, she demonstrates appropriate parent-child relations as she shows her sexy bikini pictures to her daughter so they can decide which ones to send Lee. Drita explains that to keep the spark alive without conjugal visits: “You put on a two piece, take a picture, and throw a stamp on that b*tch.” Later when Drita and her hubby are talking about the size of her boobs and the sexy pictures she mailed him, Drita confesses she doesn’t know why she wants to make him happy when she is not. Apparently he also didn’t know she got her boobs redone since it has been 10 months since they’ve seen each other. Proving that he is a true mobster Lee’s favorite photo is the bikini meets fur bathrobe shot. I feel so sad for Drita as she explains their conversations are all she has and she is determined to keep her family together.

From one questionable parenting situation to another, while boozing at lunch with Drita, Carla says Joe will be coming home from prison in a couple weeks and moving into a gunshot ridden halfway house, so naturally the kids are not going over there. After lunch Karen and Drita come over for dinner with their kids since Karen’s daughter is visiting and Joey, Carla’s son throws a tantrum. Carla’s response to him pulling on her arm and whining: taking a drink from her wine glass while telling him to disappear. In fairness to Carla, she feels his behavior is related to him not having a father in his life and the former social worker in me agrees.

At Renee’s house she invites a friend over to discuss her online dating situation; Renee claims every profile she clicks on belongs to a “wacko.” Well, like attracts like – birds of a feather, Renee, birds of a feather. Not wanting to admit that she is still obsessed with Junior weirdos are just her type, Renee deletes her profile.

Still anxious about her dating issues, Renee visits her therapist to complain about finding someone who is not in the mob. Her therapist explains in a very patient voice, as if she was a mother lecturing her child: “Renee, you exude what you attract.” In other words: quit telling people you are Anthony Graziano’s daughter, stop calling your mafia ex every time somebody looks at you, stop buying furs, writing Jail Mails, hanging out with gangsters and their wives, and for the love of humanity STOP telling people you are a mafia princess. If you quit doing all those things you just might meet someone with a real job and a clean record. Truthfully, this therapist seemed to be making a lot of sense (i.e. may be a real therapist instead of a made for TV one) about choosing to put good energy out there to find someone good… I hope Renee was really listening!

Next Week – More plastic surgery, more therapy, and more tears! Oh ladies – don’t ever change.

So do you think the ladies’ friendships had a breakthrough or a breakdown? Do you think Renee will ever find a man who isn’t in the mob? Do you think Drita will ever break up with Lee?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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