It’s the last leg of the Morocco trip for the Real Housewives of New York, and Alex uses Jill and Ramona’s fight as a springboard to vent her feeling about Luann…to Luann. Kelly fancies herself a therapist/life coach/mean girl when dealing with Alex, with some Scary Island thrown in for good measure. Sonja tries to avoid drama and is reminiscent of the funny, carefree woman we met last season. And Cindy? Poor Cindy is just as confused as ever as to why she agreed to this gig.
Thursday’s episode, “Last Call Morocco,” opens with a shaking and crying Jill, fresh from her altercation with Ramona. The brunettes swoop in to build Jill back up while the blondes attempt to console Ramona across the riad. Being the hostess with the mostess (attitude, that is), Luann will not allow Ramona’s behavior to ruin the ladies’ trip. She quickly goes to reprimand her guest, but Sonja and Alex run interference by requesting (what else?) pinot grigio for a traumatized Ramona who is being coddled to Alex’s braless chest.
Knowing the cardinal rule of entertaining, Luann obliges and pours a glass of liquid gold for Ramona before ripping into her. I believe that was covered in Chapter Three of her etiquette book. Alex, having found her backbone this season, asks Luann to leave before she can begin scolding Ramona. Kelly comes in and tells the girls that she refuses to take sides, and Ramona admits that she should have kept her mouth shut to avoid her fight with Jill. I had to rewind that part four times to make sure I’d heard her correctly!
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Agreeing to disagree, all of the ladies head out for an evening of Moroccan cuisine and belly dancers. The girls start to get a little rowdy and Ramona puts money in the belly dancer’s waistband, much like someone would put a dollar bill in a stripper’s g-string. You have to love Ramona respecting the culture. Alex gets up to shake her groove thing and reveals that she’s always the first girl to dance on a table. Sure you are, honey. America totally believes you…just like you’re a model.
The following day, the girls (sans Luann and Ramona who are resting) head to a palace for some sightseeing. Tour guide Mustapha is a breath of fresh air as he shows the ladies around and patiently responds to Jill’s five thousand questions. He is a great sport joking with the women about multiple wives and concubines. Shockingly (not), Sonja thinks he’s hot.
Back at the riad, Alex is trying to comfort Ramona who now thinks her behavior with Jill was justified. Alex agrees to be Ramona’s wingman to ensure there are no awkward run-ins with Jill, and Alex also expresses that she thinks Luann is not being a good friend to Ramona. Speaking of Luann, she has arranged henna tattoos for the group, but the blondes and Jill have opted out of this activity. During the henna session, Alex comes storming in, anxiety-induced neck rash blazing, and tells Luann that they must talk. If it wasn’t Alex’s m.o. to have these poorly timed, overly dramatic outbursts, I would have thought someone had died.
Kelly, who has been the voice of reason thus far this episode (I know, it boggles my mind too), calls Alex out on her theatrics. Luann and Cindy are confused by her antics as well, and Luann tells Alex that anything she has to say can be said in front of the group. Luann uses her “calm but bitchy” tone to perfection because she knows it will only further rattle Alex who is there to champion a “vulnerable” Ramona. At one point in their conversation, the Countess actually dismisses Alex, telling her “you can go now.” Cold…but hysterical. Sidebar, there should be a drinking game based on how many times Kelly says
weird “inauthentic” in this scene. Alex accuses Luann of being a snake which causes the Countess to lose her cool. She tells Alex to “crawl back into the cabinet you came out of” and corrects herself with “which” before stomping into the house. I’m clearly not always grammatically correct, but I’m assuming she meant “from which you came” so as not to end her sentence with a preposition. She was really heated though, so we’ll let it slide. The henna ladies seem to be chuckling to themselves, and Alex is left dumbfounded.
Kelly berates Alex for causing drama after a fun and drama-free day. She says that Alex needs to be Ramona’s friend, not her protector, as Ramona is quite capable of fighting her own battles. Kelly continues to throw around the terms “odd” and “authentic” while reminding Alex that she is ruining the trip of a lifetime. She repeatedly tells Alex to “create the calm.” All valid points, Kel. Kelly then storms out but continues to rant off-camera. Dare I say she’s morphing into the jellybean popping, sand angel making creature from Scary Island? Oh no! Kelly’s tattoo is RUINED! Who’s going to fix this? SANTA??? Transformation complete. Welcome back, cray-cray. A quiet Cindy feels badly that Alex has been steam-rolled. Kelly returns, fuming about her ruined tattoo. Alex tries to apologize and Kelly screams, “It’s not about my tattoo!” She’s ba-ack. Alex begins to lose it and her rash is going full force. A calmer Kelly advises her to “observe, but not participate.” Wise words, Kelly-san.
Ramona, who seems to be in fine spirits, and Sonja sneak away to see the gowns which were custom-made for the women. Ramona decides to try on some of the dresses over her clothes to make up for her bad day. She ends up jumping around in a green number as if she was Kermit the Frog. Across the riad, Jill interrupts Kelly and Alex and is able to distract from the tension with her poodle curls. Alex then reports back to Sonja and Ramona about her confrontation. While Ramona admits that it was sweet of Alex to want to help, her timing is notoriously horrible.
Jill arrives for dinner with freshly straightened hair, and Luann informs her posse that Ramona, Sonja, and Alex have requested the staff serve them dinner in their rooms. Unfortunately, the blondes neglected to tell Luann this tidbit of information themselves. Kelly and Luann begin to attack Alex’s earlier behavior, and–thanks, Bravo producers!–who should come in to the dining room but Alex. She says she’s come to meet the girls for dinner, and Luann makes several digs about how late she is and how the kitchen is closed, but she’d “try to make it work.” Wait, didn’t Jill just show up a few minutes ago? Alex tells Luann that she was unaware of what time dinner started and she’s met with “you know better than to be late” and “you’re educated enough to know” and (my personal favorite) “don’t start things you don’t want to finish.” Alex, now way out of her feuding league, tries desperately to defend herself and gets dismissed. Again. This time it’s Kelly who tells Alex she needs to leave but kindly offers to walk her out of the dining room. Um, hello editing? Jill has mysteriously disappeared for the whole smack down, and Cindy continues her theme of being totally befuddled by the behavior of all the ladies.
We discover Jill went to find a Diet Coke, and Ramona and Sonja walk in asking what is for dinner. Surely they would have just passed a hive-covered Alex in the atrium carrying her wine, her salad plate, and side of shame. Luann tells them that dinner is over. Ramona starts out-dahling-ing the Countess, saying the food the staff brought the blondes earlier was merely an afternoon snack. Sonja sneaks off and reveals in her interview that no one knew when dinner was being served. Kelly convinces Ramona to apologize to Luann for the mix-up, but it slightly backfires. She certainly tries though, I’ll give her that. Luann brings up the psychic’s reading and promises to be there for Ramona no matter what. Ramona, rightfully so, isn’t buying that at all.
The next morning, the crew is packing to leave. Jill takes the bathing suit she borrowed from Ramona (ew?) to her as a peace-offering. The ladies maturely (what??) make up and promise to work on their friendship. The group spends its final day at a Moroccan cooking lesson. The women tease Cindy about utilizing the staff to cook for her. That evening, before their last supper, the girls are having their make-up done Moroccan style.
Across the globe in NYC, Mario, Simon, and some friends are playing pool. How stupid do you think I am, Bravo? Mario would never hang out with Simon on his own accord, so this scene is clearly staged. One of the random friends introduces the group to a female pool shark. Mario jokingly poses for a picture with her, fully aware that Simon is planning to e-mail it to Ramona for a laugh. Oooh, could this be foreshadowing of a worried Ramona fretting over the fortune teller’s prediction? If I were Kelly, I would definitely describe this interaction as “inauthentic.”
The Bravo mini-scene during the commercial break shows the ladies taking belly dancing lessons, with Kelly and Ramona baring way more than the others. For once the entire group looks like they are having a genuinely good time.
The episode ends with the housewives dining in their gorgeous Moroccan gowns. These dresses are seriously amazing. Sonja has secured the group reservations at “the” Moroccan restaurant. The girls are divulging their favorite parts of the trip, which for Sonja was tour guide Mustapha. The crew is miraculously able to end their trip on a high note. Yeh Habibi!
Next week, Ramona tells Mario about the fortune teller’s prediction and Jill snubs Ramona by not inviting her to help with an event. Luann and Alex have another confrontation and Sonja’s bankruptcy woes are highlighted.
SNL alum and Broadway star, Ana Gasteyer and the Countess Luann join Andy in the Bravo clubhouse on Watch What Happens Live. Right off the bat, Ana says the riad looked like it should have been in Boca Raton, and Luann desperately tries to one-up her with Moroccan trips. She has no sense of humor when it comes to herself. Luann is confused as to why viewers thought she was making mean digs to the other ladies on Thursday’s episode. Looking more confused is Andy who, if I had to guess, agrees with the viewers. There’s a ticker counting the number of times Kelly used the word “weird” which leads to the poll question as to who is the weirdest housewife from the NYC cast. Clearly I shouldn’t have been so fixated on Kelly’s use of “inauthentic.” There is a montage of Alex’s facial expressions, and it’s beyond hilarious. Luann touts Kelly as the voice of reason and even throws out the word “inauthentic” on her behalf. Ana believes Kelly’s tactics–“you’re not angry, you’re sad” and “close your eyes…okay, now open your eyes”–were a tad much.
Ana is subtly making fun of the Countess and I am loving every minute of it. Game time brings the Weiner Roast, based on a certain political figure’s recent snafu, in which the ladies comment on the classiness of certain current events. Andy’s mazel goes to the Today Show’s send off of Meredith Viera, and his Jackhole is the from beyond the grave–Leona Helmsley, whose twelve million dollar beneficiary pooch passed away this week. Kelly wins the poll by a landslide of 54% (you don’t say!) while a ‘trying not to appear pissy’ Luann places second. All in all, to follow a super-sized episode, it was a boring clubhouse. But, Mazel regardless!
TELL US – IS LUANN A THUG IN A CAFTAN? WAS ALEX RIGHT OR WRONG TO CONFRONT THE COUNTESS?