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It’s reunion time for the Real Housewives of New York! It’s blondes versus brunettes, sofa edition. Bravo has recreated the set for the reunion in honor of Morocco. Ramona is not pregnant, but she could have been…she has young genes and still gets her period. In fact, she’s having it now! TMI, Ramenstration. And let the games begin!

Right off the bat, Andy highlights the season’s many fights, as well as how many times each lady says “it’s the wrong place and wrong time” to have such an altercation. While the season has divided the ladies along a very visible hair color line, Alex pretty much has had beef with everyone. Starting with the gay equality march, Sonja says it wasn’t she who didn’t want Simon to speak at the rally–it was Bleep. Alex corrects her noting that, no, Alex and Simon are dear friends with Bleep, so that couldn’t be the case. Bleep clearly doesn’t want his name or cause walking hand in hand with the housewives.

Kelly is muttering under her breath about how wrong it is that Alex could forgive Sonja for insulting her husband on national television. Kelly tries to give us the timeline of the events leading up to the march, but she seems to be more consumed with asserting herself as a strong personality than actually contributing to the discussion. Sonja and Alex can look back on the fight and think, in hindsight, it had such a wonderful impact on the march because it brought more attention to the cause. Bleep clearly agrees since he’s so eager NOT to have his identity known. Jill tries to paint Simon as attacking Sonja at the march and Ramona disagrees with that characterization. Poor Jill so wants to show a pattern of bullying behavior in Simon!

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When asked why she had the authority to call Alex (or anyone else for that matter) weird several times throughout the season, Kelly points out Alex’s anxiety induced hives. They’re weird. Plus, Kelly’s nice. Don’t believe her? Well, she was recently picked as one of Cosmo magazine’s top five nicest celebrities. HUH? First of all, celebrity? Alex is trying very hard to get her point across that she doesn’t like being attacked by the brunettes, and Kelly notices is that she’s getting all rashy again, and it’s annoying. Alex says, you call me inauthentic, but if I could fake these hives, I’d have an Academy Award. Bad line, notes Kelly, although Ramona, who has been pretty quiet during the altercation, loves Alex’s statement.

Next on the chopping block is Sonja’s bankruptcy. Sonja discusses that her production company pulled out of a movie potentially starring John Travolta, and when sued she lost both the trial and the appeal. “Shocking” mutters Jill. Underhanded or sincere? I’m guessing the former, and I think Jill is sitting back while Kelly fights her battles. Luann believes that Sonja doesn’t owe anyone an explanation. Sonja gets extremely emotional when she says it wasn’t the bankruptcy, but the demise of her marriage, that tears her apart. She won’t go into details about her divorce out of respect for her daughter and ex-husband, who she claims was very wonderful and generous. Sonja reveals that the only time she felt embarrassed by how she was portrayed this season was when her financial state was first brought to light. She has no qualms about her butt-bearing masquerade party or burlesque performance, so more power to her. As for her parties and fancy lifestyle, Ramona is quick to jump in to say that Sonja is compensated for most of the things she does in her social life. Sonja admits that she can be very full of herself, but she also confronts Kelly for talking about her home. Scary Island Kelly is back in full force as she does a lot of angry head-shaking and tells everyone that her priority is hygiene, so she and Sonja are “different” on that front. While everyone is talking about how clean Sonja’s house is–even the Countess is uncomfortable with Kelly’s accusation–Kelly, who is a walking contradiction, fails to see what the big deal is. She never said anything about Sonja’s home or judged her based on it. Andy looks clearly confused as he quotes back to her the comment she made that started this entire fiasco.

Kelly is questioned as to whether she bought her apartment, and surprise, surprise, Gille bought it years ago for a million dollars. Cindy and Kelly agree that Sonja puts on airs, and while Luann can see their point, she reiterates how inappropriate Kelly’s original comment was. Cindy has found her voice and talks about hangers saving seats how pretentious and condescending Sonja can be. Sonja basically dismisses her, saying that she strives to always accept people for who they are. Isn’t that right, Jill and Luann? Luann agrees wholeheartedly, and Jill, still being mostly silent and short with her responses, replies, “Why yes you have.” Is that a dig? Reunion Jill is confusing me. Is she trying to be quiet because we all know what happens when she opens her mouth? Does she think she appears to be “changed” by not chiming in on every point of drama? Or is she just saving up for a full on tirade? I must say, her silence doesn’t seem like it comes from a happy place as her expressions seem to say things rather loudly. The two sofas have a bit of a chuckle over Sonja’s plumbing issue and her bare-handed grab of the Blackberry clogging her toilet. Jill still seems very pointed in her comments, even when attempting to be funny.

Andy moves on to the pair that has had the most ups and downs since the NYC series’ inception. Ramona and Jill are the best of frenemies and had their fill of name calling, screaming, and overly dramatic crying jags. And here’s the Jill we’ve been waiting for the last forty minutes. There is discussion of Ramona’s wine at the charity event, and Jill jumps down Alex’s throat about meddling. Alex should know better. Meddling is Jill’s hobby job. Jill hasn’t even had a chance to mention that Ramona wore cream to a wedding…tackyville! Alex tries to place herself back in the controversy and Jill calls her a f*cking bitch. Claws are out now! Oh snap! She whose name rhymes with Fethfenny is brought up and Jill accuses Ramona and Alex of being jealous of her past relationship with the Skinnygirl maven. Andy is confused as he sincerely believes that Ramona was trying to mend Jill and Mrs. Hoppy’s troubled relationship. Jill is frightened by the modern day Martha Stewart, and Luann can’t blame her. The ladies are all in the ring, and it’s brought up that Jill talks crap behind people’s backs while Ramona does it to people’s faces under the guise of just not thinking before she speaks. Yes and yes. When Ramona says she doesn’t ever mean harm, Jill pretends to vomit.

Andy calls out the ladies for “acting like beasts” after repeatedly telling them to shut up. Go Andy! Although, they aren’t really listening to him…Andy brings up Jill’s (off camera) fight with Mario, and Ramona wants Andy to stop with this line of questioning. Jill gossiping about Mario’s cheating resurfaces, and Luann is quick to point out that she never insinuated Mario had cheated. She didn’t? Jill explains her behavior by saying she was just repeating what she’d heard from other members of their social circle.

On a lighter note, Andy shows a montage of the blondes, mainly just Ramonja (sorry Alex)…and Jill is quick to instigate point out Alex’s absence. That Jill, always worrying about Alex’s well being. There are a lot of scenes of Sonja sans undies…or in tiny undies in uber short skirts. Kelly brings up how hurt she was when she was flashed by Sonja’s vajuniper at Sonja’s toaster oven cookbook photo shoot. Kelly feels it was disrespectful, and Andy takes this opportunity to ask Sonja if her lady bits were ever purposely rude to Kelly. Pass the jelly beans. Sonja also admits that her love story with artist Bryan has come to an end.

Kelly’s voice of reason is Andy’s next target, and Bravo has managed to include a season’s worth of domineering and sand angels (well, I wish there were sand angels) crammed into a thirty second video clip. Andy wonders how Kelly went from appearing to be unstable last season to asserting herself this season. Was it meds? Counseling? Well, Kelly admits that she was just sick and tired of being interrupted, so she has become the interrupter. Alex then calls out Kelly for how out there she seemed with her Santa comment regarding the henna tattoo. Much like with her comments about Sonja’s home, Kelly is curious as to what Alex is even talking about. She backtracks/sidesteps/denies everything she has said this season. Andy brings up Kelly’s past abusive relationship, and while she doesn’t want to discuss it, she is thankful to ex-husband Gille for saving her. Once again, no one mentions Kelly’s arrest and sentencing just 2 years ago for domestic violence against her boyfriend. Fethfenny is brought up again, and Kelly is quick to say that she’s not in competition with her, they just don’t mesh well.

Cindy is in the hot seat as the newest cast member who came out of the gates guns blazing. Cindy admits that she found the blondes extremely irritating. Ramona is upset again about her fight with Cindy’s brother. Ramona can’t get over the fact that Cindy’s brother wore her dead friend’s suit to the wedding. Andy, would you wear a dead man’s suit to a party? “Um, I don’t think so.” When Alex inserts herself (yet again) into the argument, Cindy tells her to stay out of it. Then, a panting (yes, panting!) Alex tells Cindy she needs to get laid! This is amazing! The pecking order comment is highlighted, and Andy has to practically put the ladies in time out. Sonja paints the picture like several readers suspected…Sonja wasn’t implying that there was a hierarchy, she was saying Cindy needed to respect the woman who brought her on the show. Next, Andy moves on to the conference call at breakfast and even Luann admits she was horrified by Cindy’s behavior. Cindy stands up and yells that none of the ladies can tell her what to do. She seems oblivious to her behavior. Alex puts in her two cents…duh. Kelly butts in saying she feels the need to be the peacemaker, but Andy is like, yeah, that is the exact opposite of what you’re doing. Again, Luann agrees with Andy and tries to calm an eye-rolling Kelly.

Quoque is brought up and Cindy is insulted at how the blondes reacted to her party. The blonde sofa starts throwing out insults, while Andy tries to calm the group. Luann jokingly tells Cindy to take the chance to speak when she can, a reference to how much the blondes are railroading her, but Cindy, who’s clearly not built for this drama, bites, “Don’t tell me what to do.” I think Luann’s patience for Cindy is probably fading after that. I know mine is. Cindy accuses Ramona of being too drunk to ride real horses, and the rest of the argument was a jumbled mess.

Luann and Ramona’s friendship (I’ll use that term loosely) is brought up next. Luann was hoping that Ramona would be more supportive of her and feels like it was insulting for Ramona to talk about her marriage and her children during the season. That “weekend parent” comment was rude? Thin skin, Countess. Ramona thinks that Luann is condescending. So does the rest of the world. The Countess basically tells her to mind her own business. Ramona keeps talking about Luann’s open marriage, and Luann keeps saying her previous marriage is none of Ramona’s business…but she doesn’t deny the open marriage accusation. Ramona brings up Luann’s problems with Victoria, and cue up Jill’s Chris Crocker impersonation – “Leave LuAnn Alone!” It was below the belt, and the first half of the reunion ends with Jill threatening to leave if the ladies continue attacking each others’ children that are climbing up her leg.

WWHL, how I was counting the minutes until your air time! I can never get enough Neil Patrick Harris (thanks for being out Monday morning, Regis–a double daily dose of NPH!). After watching the reunion, NPH likens the entire experience to having a horrible migraine. He was appalled at everyone’s behavior and thinks all the ladies need to hit the road–he doesn’t like any of them. Andy asks about Alex, and he responds, “The Frankenstein-y one?” Yes! Andy is diplomatic, saying that he believes the brunettes ganged up on her (probably a little true), and NPH says, “With fantastic reason! It was awfully offensive.” Hilar! Sadly though, NPH doesn’t watch the show religiously and he seems to be a Kelly fan. Nobody’s perfect.

Andy shows a montage of him telling the women to shut up multiple times during the reunion, and all I can say is bless his heart. NPH is not on board with these ladies, and I am realizing we have more in common than I thought. After a highlight reel of Alex’s–Everyone Loves Alex!– dramatic moments on the reunion, she tweets, “And to think I liked you, Doogie Howser.” Watch it, Alex…don’t be insulting my Barney. Switching to his personal life, there is a viewer question about NPH’s relationship. NPH reveals that while he has no immediate plans for a wedding, he and partner David will be getting married at some point. Can I get an invite? The evening’s game spans the entire episode, and it’s What Can’t NPH Do? The answer? Nothing. He can shoot liquor; he can make pretty decent balloon animals; he can rap on command; and, getting back to his doctor-acting roots, he can diagnose medical issues. Other things we need to know about NPH? He wears boxer briefs. He is intrigued by gingers (in a good way), and he can pretty much quote his former co-star Max Casella’s (that’s Vinnie, you guys!) acting resume. Andy’s Mazel is Mariah Carey’s return to the Home Shopping Network, and his jackhole is the debt ceiling. With a record number of votes for a poll, Sonja wins the title of favorite NYC housewife with a quarter of the votes. Mazel, readers!

UPDATE – Below are the poll results from WWHL. Sonja won with over 25% of the votes. Despite tweeting the Bravo number for voting to her over 180,000 twitter followers, Jill still only managed to come in second. By the way, none of the other housewives solicited votes – RT.

WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT THE REUNION AND THE RECAP? TEAM BLONDES OR TEAM BRUNETTES? WHO’S YOUR FAVORITE AND LEAST FAVORITE HOUSEWIFE? HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE NPH? :)

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