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It’s the seventh episode of what is officially the most boring crop of Project Runway designers – fashion wise – in the history of the show. Perhaps that’s just my opinion, but I’m the writer here, so I get to give it. Sadly in this episode there was a ticking time-bomb named Joshua and cursing is just soooo unattractive to him! It also included a lot of ugly prints, a lot of neon, and a completely befuddled fashion editor who broke her stone-cold b!tch face for a few obvious glares and shocked expression.

Things began with Joshua M waking up on the bitchy side of the bed! Heidi announces there will be another team challenge and everyone groans and wonders when the horror will cease. This time the designers must work in two teams of five to produce a cohesive collection of textiles they created on the HP Intel Touchsmart Pads. Each team must have five looks and three must incorporate the custom created textiles.

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Oh, and there will be no official team leaders for the challenge, just simply straight up collaboration, which is pretty much a joke. Since Anthony Ryan won last weeks Notvant Garde challenge he gets to choose his teammate first and of course he chooses Anya, cause she’s pretty. Second place finisher (second place is the first loser!) Joshua gets to pick next and he picks Laura, cause she’s pretty. Finally the only person left standing is Queen Mum, Bert and he gets stuck with the most dramatic team ever: Joshua, Laura, poor Kimberly, and Becky. All the less crazy people are on the other team.

Back in the workroom Tim Gunn informs them they must formulate a runway show with music and video backdrop to accompany their looks. Tim then announces another surprise – Betsey Johnson – what is she like pimping out leopard print, charm encrusted touch screens now? Anyways, she’s supposed to be advising designers on developing a creative process or something. Ok… shouldn’t these “artistes” already have a creative process? Then the designers look at a Betsy show on the tee vee, so of course they’ll all be knocking off her looks. Or rather Joshua will be.

After Betsey “inspires” them they are given 30 minutes to come up with an idea and a team name and then 45 minutes to make fabric on the HP Touchscreen. Anthony Ryan’s team immediately decides he is the team leader that’s not really the team leader, so they go with his idea in 2 seconds flat. How about inkblots?! That’s original! Ok, Inkblots!!!!!!!! So that’s settled. They also decide to call themselves Team Chaos, but really they should have been Team Cliché.

On Team Ridiculous, Joshua has clearly decided in his overly Aqua Netted deluded head that HE is in charge because he thinks he should be and naturally his super creative idea is: VILLAGE PEOPLE?! Bert who remembers from experience how incredibly lame they were in their heyday definitely isn’t down with that – especially because Queen Sparkles can’t even remember all the members of the group. Since his precious idea was shot down Joshua instantly morphs into super douche! Team Ridiculous bandies around from Village People to Sea Ameobas to Clocks with Nuts and Bolts and color pops? Oh, and they are calling themselves: Team Nuts and Bolts. It should have just been Team Nuts.

Then Queen Sequins McDouchebag explodes into a glittery rage because Bert can’t work the HP Touchstupid printer and his friggin’ clocks don’t print. And it was uglier than Joshua’s eyebrows or their prints – was threatening to ‘forfeit’ cause Bert may have cursed? To calm him down Laura goes with Josh to make their video, while the remaining team members head to Mood. Joshua has the brilliant idea to make a Maybelline commercial circa 1995 and have Laura act as the Nikki Taylor character jumping in and out of cabs and running down the street in heels, but he’s only showing her feet – and his in some insanely um…bold yellow pumps.

Team Cliché decides to head to Times Square where there’s, like, lots of chaos, and film people walking and puddles. Then make a split screen kaleidoscope like an MTV music video circa 1995. Surprisingly, neither teams use color when creating their prints.

Joshua eventually apologizes for his tantrum, calls his dad and cries, and gets on with things. The truth comes out that Josh’s mom’s birthday happened and clearly that was behind his emotional breakdown.

Because Becky is given little to work with in the form of material, she ends up making a “Judy Jetson Vaccuuming skirt”which Laura decides to complain to fellow mean girl, Anya, about. Luckily Anya is on hand to mediate Laura and Becky’s disgreement about the skirt. Yes, luckily. Even with Becky agreeing to change her skirt, the collection is a terrible hot mess and Tim practically has a seizure when he sees it. In the vague hope they can pull something better together, Tim acts as a spiritual healer and makes them join hands and pray that this collection improves. It didn’t, but moving on. While Team Ridiculous was bickering and sobbing, Team Cliché was hand dyeing Rorschach blotches.

The guest Judges are Fashion Designer, Rachel Roy and actress, Rose Byrne whose knowledge of fashion is about -3, so that’s fun!

Ok, let’s trash discuss some looks!

Winning Team – Team Chaos:

Initially it seemed like this collection would be super cliché, but it actually turned out really well. The prints were eye-catching and surprisingly engaging. This truly was a collection, for the most part, and it is no surprise that they won. All five looks told a story from start to finish around a permeating theme. They didn’t just rely on the color story to tie everything together, but really listened to Betsy Johnson’s advice to think about the girl – where is she going and what will she be wearing. The items fit together and could be interchanged with each other. Meaning Olivier’s jacket could be worn with Anya’s dress and it wouldn’t look absurd. I thought this was good work and clearly they communicated well and decided upon a central theme that they did not deviate from. Also, I really actually loved some of those prints.

Congratulations Anya: After the judges didn’t really comment much on her dress, she was declared the winner. Why? Anya’s strengths are that she can lead people and she has a very strong point of view that she never deviates from, but isn’t hampered by (unlike Olivier). This was cute enough, but a little generic and the black cap sleeves didn’t work. She should have removed them and just left it sleeveless – they were too distracting on an already busy dress with two vibrant prints. The shape was nice and the back detail was interesting, although the zipper looked a mess. The dress wasn’t much to get worked up about though. And who, for a second, believes she was only sewing for FOUR MONTHS before coming on Project Runway?

Bryce: I actually thought this was cute and very on trend. Michael thought it was too mall clothes, but I think it was sophisticated enough for running errands or going to the park. The shirt was adorable, especially with the low back and the shorts are very wearable and well constructed. Once again, nothing to get your panties in a bunch over, but cute enough and eye catching.

Anthony Ryan: You can see it in Nina’s eyes that she recognizes the Prada influence all over this, but frankly, who cares. It was innovative by Project Runway standards but still trendy and ready-to-wear enough for the judges to get it. The elements would work separate or together, which is a big plus. It was graphic, unusual, and really showcased both prints and his talents. Normally I hate, HATE a pussy bow, but I didn’t totally mind it here. I thought this was great. The skirt was really grabbing and really, the man can sew. Very crisp.

Olivier: It was good that the team ONLY used black and white and did not force Olivier to work with any colors because he just can’t handle that avant-garde stuff. Anyways, this jacket is pretty much a reiteration of all his past work, but because he had more time and more space to work on it, it is well-rendered and impeccable. Michael was really excited about the tailoring and about finally getting to see the Olivier he believed was in there following week after week of complete duds. Nina wants it. The jacket with its 40’s influences (although it didn’t necessarily correspond to the collection), fit really well and the peplum effect was elegant and interesting. The pants, on the otherhand, were a sloppy, ill-conceived mess and they really didn’t work with the jacket, to me.

Viktor: Nice work. Riveting and interesting. The Rorschach pattern on the bodice looked like floral from afar, but also possibly ribs and organs. Great effect. I’m so happy he didn’t add red to the dress. The black and white was striking. The dress fit impeccably and was a perfect way to end the collection. I loved the sheer shoulders and back.

Losing Team: Team Nuts and Bolts:

First of all, their conception was atrocious – they had no idea what story they wanted to tell and the collection was supremely uninspired. Their fabric looked like it took 2.5 seconds of writing some numbers or letters on white sheets with a sharpie (i.e. incredibly amateur and unsophisticated) to create – it also managed to be a complete Stephen Sprouse knockoff! Sadly, Bert’s print was the most interesting, but Joshua’s vendetta prevented it from being included and we got his hand written “I LOVE ME!” “canceled / delayed” ‘graffiti, badly knocked-off, schlock. Also why did they use chartreuse! Such an odd color choice, especially in satin. Eeks. As for cohesion – color does not make a collection cohesive. Did you see Nina glowering when all the models walked out together? I burst out laughing. Oh, I love La Nina! Michael was right to call this “literal” – it was. It lacked finesse and sophistication; the theme here was really “everything’s a mess!” The judges were concerned that no leader emerged (in a challenge where they emphatically stated there was no team leader), although I saw their point – naturally someone should be chosen to steer this boat to victory, this team was operating under subsequent tyranny and anarchy.

Auf Wiedersehen Becky: Well, the jacket was ok, but everything else was a big ol mess of cheap looking Forever 21 clothes. Michael called it “nothing.” The only thing holding the jacket together stylistically was the sleeves. The lapels were ridiculous, but the construction was good. Really the prints on the custom fabrics are so distractingly ugly and generic it’s a crime to even have incorporated them. The judges were bored of her looks and didn’t think any design actually went into her outfit (agreed!)

Joshua: Well there were a lot of details – A. Lot. It was confusing and chaotic. Essentially this was part 80’s nightmare, part clown suit. That jacket was so Moschino eighties, it’s not funny. And the pants were just badly cut, badly assembled, and badly thought out. All around mess. Joshua got called out by the judges for picking fights again, which was interesting considering last time he threw a big drama queen bitchfit and harrased his teammate he was rewarded with a supremely inappropriate win for LEADERSHIP, of all things. Nina also questioned his taste level (finally! Because it’s poor!).

Bert – Well, because the fabric was essentially a white bedsheet with some crummy gears on it (reminding me of a little kids sheet), the dress was toga-ish – sci-fi toga. I did like the idea behind it – the dress, not the fabric – and the length is very modern. The zipper was a wee bit Matrix to me, although I liked it, but I loved the way he did the one strap detail in the back with the knot and the seaming was excellent. Bert really, really can sew; but for such a veteran he should have jumped up and lead this team to better cohesion, although I’m not sure how much he could have with hurricane hissyfit Joshua in the way!

Kimberly: I don’t get this skirt at all, even the construction looked poor. It was too tight and I don’t get the bunching of the materials. What was she trying to achieve with this skirt? The style and the fabric do not correspond with the collection at all. The length was pure gynecological (Heidi made a mental note to steal this one off the mannequin) and it looked like a diaper! And the dance club chains hanging on the back of that shirt? C’mon Kimberly. That is a high school kid making her own clothes to go to parties in! The belt or the waistband looked like it could be of some interest, but all the bunching of the material from the skirt pretty and top much obscured it and we missed the effect. Kimberly really needed to edit and sadly she got too lost in a point of view she thought she was conveying – the one of trying to distance herself from this disaster of a collection – and she went overboard.

There were no photos of this look available - sorry it's so small!

Laura: I Dream of Jeanie except Jeanie had a nightmare and got stuck with this. The belt thing just destroys the effect of an otherwise nondescript but competently sewn jumpsuit no one would wear, because really no one wears a shiny, bright blue satin jumpsuit ever. Also, what was going on in the bodice – it did not fit in the bust area and was sort of gaping and hanging awkwardly. The back looked nice, though.

In the end, Joshua was vaguely spared, but the judges now have a spotlight on him because they perceive him as a bully and Nina is starting to realize he has garish, horrific taste (that shirt he wore to the runway show didn’t help things!). Best of luck Becky – at least you don’t have to deal with Joshua anymore!

Next Week: The designers must make a look for some ordinary women after receiving direction from their husbands. Oh, boy…

Thoughts on the episode? Did Joshua deserve to be sent to a mental health facility home for his outburst? Were you surprised by Anya’s win? Do you believe she has only been sewing for a few months?

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