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Last night’s episode of The Rachel Zoe Project featured totally improvised, unscripted drama that left us all on the edges of our seats! Rachel and Rodger fought about nothing until he conceded, Joey started acting like Brad to get more camera time, and Rachel is just so over this whole giving birth thing even though she’s like 8 months pregnant. Oh, and Jerewhinah whined.

Rachel is hanging out with Joey, who has ditched his life and moved to LA to be her bitch for hire. They have a totally spontaneous conversation about her boobs. Joey can’t believe she has them and wants to touch them; suddenly, because she is about to be a mother she is protective of them and it’s hands off. Joey muses that Rachel feels like a sexy woman for the first time in her life.

Rodger assigns Jeremiah the task of decorating their brand new 7,000 square-foot home, since he has a background in design but doesn’t know jack about clothes and they might as well pay him to do something! The catch is he has 10 days to do it! Jeremiah is worried that if he messes this up he’ll lose his job, because succeeding with the decorating is the only way to prove his worth to Rachel.

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Rachel explains to Jeremiah she only wants white. Just white – no clutter, no kitsch and her style is French Modern or whatever. Just no colors, no knick-knacks, and absolutely nothing that says: “children reside here.” Ugh – kid friendly is just so, disgusting.

Rachel gets a call from a friend who wants her take on a last minute assignment – styling Kim Kardashian in a promotional video for her new fragrance. Except the shoot is scheduled for tomorrow! The idea is Sweet n Sexy and it’s a Valentine’s Day theme. Which means red. Lotsa Red! After complaining that she’s so busy she doesn’t even have time to give birth, Rachel realizes tomorrow is a free day and takes the job!

She decides to send Joey and Jeremiah to pull accessories for the shoot and puts Jordan in charge of clothes. The look is men’s shirts, sexy bras, undies and then red va-va-voom dresses with sexy heels. Rachel also lets the boys know she is only taking one of them on the shoot since the location is a really tiny house.

Joey and Jeremiah clash the whole time. Joey is pulling ev-er-ree-thing, ‘cause he knows Rachel is all about: “options, options, options!” And Jeremiah is more reserved wanting to match the pulls to the theme. Joey is being such a twaty bitch and acting differently. Either Bravo is telling him to play up the contrived drama for a story or he is jealous of the young upstart usurping him.

Rachel lets Rodger know about the last minute job, anticipating that he’ll be pissed, but then he drops a last minute Vegas trip on her! Rachel has the nerve to call Rodger selfish for wanting to do something for himself – although she is eight months pregnant, so I can understand. Finally, she agrees he can go for ONLY 24-hours. How generous.

Joey is informed he won the accessories-off and he will be attending the shoot, because he has the bad taste to be obsessed with Kim and Rachel is obsessed with Joey, so it’s win-win. Jeremiah is predictably disappointed but consoles himself by picking out Rachel’s sofa in an upholstery fabric he just knows she’ll love!

On the shoot Kim is sweet and very curious about how Rachel’s pregnancy is going. The clothes are really just super-standard and predictable, but Kim kind of does just run of the mill standard sexy. On the shoot Joey is great; charming Kim and being really fun while adjusting everything and handling it very professionally (for Rachel Zoe’s company, at least). Rachel surmises that he has the gift of making girls feel pretty.

They talk about Vegas and Rachel feels Rodger is being rewarded for her hard work, but she’ll take diamonds in exchange. Joey sausages Kim into a low-cut, skin-tight red satin dress that Rachel calls “bananas!” more like butt-nanas, cause holy yikes that was tight. Rachel refers to the dress as “classy-sexy,” ummmm…sure.

Rachel’s sister Pam visits and Rachel is having a meltdown over getting dressed but finally settles on an enormous fur vest. So what if she looks like a hooker! Well, she could just wear cute maternity jeans, just a thought! Pam arrives and for someone that has kids and is a stay at home mom, Pam sure has a lot of time to fly out to LA and attend to Rachel.

Pam announces she is taking the worlds most unprepared parents to visit a doula. And they have no idea what tat is. Rachel just wants to wing it, as she tells the doula in a totally spontaneous, unscripted scene. She doesn’t have a pregnancy plan or birth plan and she was kind of hoping her baby would just “appear.” WHO exactly is her obgyn?

During the meeting, Rachel is too busy focusing on how weird Rodger is being to listen to the doula explain how her child will come into the world. Rachel tells the doula she wants Rodger to change his tone and stop being cranky. They proceed to turn the doula meeting into a bitch fest, about what else – themselves! Rodger is peeved that Rachel wasn’t letting him speak, give his opinion, or ask questions. Wait – this has just started to bother him now?! No time like the present, I suppose!

In the car following the meeting, Rachel announces she just wants to wing it with this whole birth thing because that’s how she operates! Rodger is shocked and annoyed – thankfully, and Pam sits in the backseat completely mute. Suddenly Rodger and Rachel are having an argument about Rachel micro-managing the business and being a control freak even though she’s 8-months pregnant and should be focusing on other things. Rodger becomes very upset that they are going in two different directions and she doesn’t trust him with the business. Rachel just wants to be in loop for everything and of course, Rodger concedes, agreeing to tell her every little detail, but he wants her to focus.

Ok, well that was scintillating and totally authentic.

Next week: Rachel moves to a new time, 9/8c. Vegas, baby! Photo shoots, Oscar week. Interior design gone wrong and Rachel is very unhappy with her ridiculous house!

Do you think Rachel needs to get a clue and focus on being a mother? Do you think Joey is playing to the camera? How annoying is Jerewhinah?!

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