The theme this week seems to be helping those who typically help others find their loves! Why is Patti not setting herself up? The first bachelor is Steve G. Jones, described as a “famous hypnotherapist” who sometimes helps Patti with her single millionaires. Steve is 42 and divorced. Patti is excited to help Steve find love while Dustin just wonders why he can’t help himself find love by, you know, “hypnotherapizing” himself!
The next bachelor is
Creepy McCreepington Gary Coxe, described as a “big time motivational speaker” who has a very long laundry list of what he looks for in a partner. Gary is 46-years-old and looking for a Jessica Simpson type aka a 110-pound blonde (Err has he seen JS lately???), age 29 – 33, is not a career woman and can spend all day cooking for him. Gary would also like his blonde bimbo to be Christian and spiritual. Jesus Barbie anyone? Paging Alexis Bellino! I repeat paging Alexis Bellino!
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Patti meets up with Steve, who charges $25,000 per hour for his first hypnotherapy sessions (ai ya ya!). Patti diagnoses Steve as dating women who are beneath him as a way of protecting himself. This therapy session between Patti and Steve however takes a turn for the deep when Steve reveals he gave up his adopted daughter for adaption after his ex-wife remarried. Patti, revealing she was also given up after her mother’s first marriage ended, actually doesn’t say anything crude but instead gives Steve some sound advice, by encouraging him to try to make contact with his daughter in other to heal. Shock-er!
It’s now time to get to know
McCreepy Gary! Gary is always on the go, giving over 20 motivational speeches in a month! Gary is diagnosed by Patti as being a narcissistic perfectionist and perhaps rightfully so! Patti asks Gary to narrow down his list to the 5 most important things. He promises to do so. Gary goes on to make it clear he wants his blonde bimbo to also be Godly and Christian. Seconds after uttering those words, he makes certain to add she also needs to be gorgeous as well. Seriously, Gary missed his calling with Alexis Bellino! McCreepy also reveals he wants children, but not just any kids — only baby girl twins! Seriously, he said this and would go on to repeat it numerous times throughout the episode!
It’s time for casting and the two guys couldn’t be going for more opposite women! Steve wants a career-oriented woman in the 30 to 40 age range, while McCreepy wants boobies and bibles in the form of a woman aged 29 to 33, who can also give him twin girls of course! A redhead walks in the door and Patti doesn’t abuse or kick her but rather compliments her and deems her perfect for Steve! Just when it looked like all hope was lost for finding McCreepy his perfect Jesus Barbie, in walks Michelle, who has boobs and is claiming to be a 30-year-old virgin! Even better, Michelle has the bimbo look and voice down to a T! Jackpot!
The mixer is here and McCreepy and Steve are ready to pick their
mail-order brides dates! Steve actually takes the time to get to know the ladies, while McCreepy prefers to interview them throwing out random questions at them and having them raise their hands to answer! Yikes. Steve is asked if the has any children and instead of just answering no, he gives a too honest answer of “not anymore.” He however quickly redeems himself when he realizes it’s better to change the topic.
Following their mini dates, Steve ends up picking redhead Sally, while McCreepy decided to go with the boobacious Jennifer!
The actual dates begin and McCreepy forgets to leave his creepiness at home! He informs his date that he will be treating her to a facial and pedicure. Ok, sounds romantic enough except he will actually be the one giving her the facial and the pedicure. Seriously! Like any smart
gold digger date, Jennifer simply plays along, hiding her discomfort. As if giving her a pedicure wasn’t creepy enough, McCreepy would not ease up on the pregnant and ovary jokes. Once again, he makes mention of Jessica being pregnant with his baby girl twins. What.is.it.with.the.baby.girl.twins???
It’s time for a more normal date, as Steve takes his date Sally to the beach. The two learn to surf and Sally is a bit nervous though excited. The two surf, enjoy the water, act normal, blah blah blah, let’s get back to McCreepy and his date!
McCreepy and Jennifer have dinner, and Jessica actually seems to be enjoying her wealthy date. All is going well and McCreepy springs out a creepy poem. And once again, the poem makes mention of BABY TWIN GIRLS! Dear Jessica, this is the part where you run for your life! But oddly enough, she doesn’t run and actually finds the poem sweet. Maybe she really is a bimbo after all! The two end their date on good terms.
Steve and Sally head to dinner and right away Sally brings up Steve’s comment at the mixer about no longer having children. Steve tells his story and Sally gives him a very hard time about it. Rightfully so except she came off as a bit too judgemental. When asked why he gave up his child, Steve tries to put the blame on his ex-wife instead of taking responsibility for his past actions. Following that TMI by Steve (Patti’s right that this does not make good first
second or third date convo), things appear to be pretty awkward between the two and they end their date.
At the end of the episode, not surprisingly Steve and Sally never went out again, while McCreepy and Jennifer are said to be still dating. But in reading Gary’s blog for Bravo, he clearly states he is no longer dating Jennifer though they did go out a couple more times after their first date. So once again good ol Patti is 0 for 2!
TELL US – THOUGHTS ON THIS EPISODE? WAS SALLY TOO JUDGMENTAL WITH STEVE OR WAS HER REACTION WARRANTIED? IS GARY THE CREEPIEST MILLIONAIRE EVER?