On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the ladies went back in time to West Beverly High to relive their high school days of catty drama, cliques, and mean girls. Oh, I love a good time warp! The only thing missing was some killer acid wash jeans and a pouf bang!
Lisa and Ken are preparing for a dinner party to celebrate the return of Pandora and Jason from NYC. Lisa is cooking dinner (yes, it appeared that she was actually preparing food sans chef) whilst Ken assisted with the wine tasting. Lisa’s son Max got on the phone with his girlfriend and dropped an “I love you” leaving Lisa in a tailspin. While she is all but marching Pandora down the aisle, she isn’t sure about some other girl stepping on her toes where Max is concerned!
From domestic divas to people who don’t know what their microwave looks like, Taylor is making cookies from a box and needs Dana’s help. Both ladies don aprons and then poke at a bowl of unconvincing looking batter while lamenting about Adrienne’s BBQ where the notorious c-o-c-k incident occurred! Taylor mentions the upcoming “Game Night” she was supposed to host at her house but asks if Dana can take over since she has too many … issues going on. Event planner Dana is fine with hosting the big event, but will be outsourcing the planning cause she’s too busy. Keep in mind, Dana’s career is Event Planning and she supposedly has put on events like the Grammy’s.
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Kyle and Adrienne meet for lunch to go over a couple of sore spots: Brandi and Kim. What was Adrienne wearing – a towel with a giant broach attached to it? Too horrible for words. Kyle calls Brandi “entertaining” and tacky and Adrienne acknowledges that so far Kyle is not a fan of her friend, but it’s ‘cause Brandi has no filter. Kyle is still incensed about Brandi’s son peeing the grass at Adrienne’s party, which is funny because Adrienne doesn’t seem to care and it was her party and her lawn. Eventually Adrienne brings up Kim’s behavior on the Sacramento trip. Both ladies are concerned. Kyle is a helicopter sister!
Brandi and Adrienne get milkshakes and coffee (yes, together), except I’m noticing the milkshakes look pretty untouched. Brandi felt judged at the BBQ, but does admit her joke to Dana was inappropriate. Adrienne encourages her to have thick skin and plan something fun for all the girls to attend so people can get to know the real Brandi. Brandi explains since her divorce she needs to find a social circle separate from that of her husband… and she is particularly interested in finding one with connections to a TV show.
Kyle arrives for the never-ending Game Night at Dana’s house. Dana is a hot mess. Really. For a professional event planner of large-scale events, I can only imagine she just didn’t have the time and energy for this little RH shin-dig, but if she wants to stay on this show, she better make an impact. Go figure Taylor would have such a lame friend. Like attracts Like. Which is why I think it’s odd that Kyle and Brandi hate each other so much!
Pretty much the first thing Dana does when Kyle shows up is announce that she is wearing Valentino. Poor Mr. Valentino – Dana is doing his clothing a disservice. I am sure he is sending her a ‘sis and desist’ letter right now! You can take the girl out of Wal-mart, but you can’t take the Wal-mart out of the girl! Just about as soon as Dana escorts Kyle into her barren house, absent of furniture, style, personal touches – or the evidence of a party being had; Brandi comes a’knockin and cue the awkwardness that sets the stage for the remainder of the night! Those two despise each other!
Brandi is dressed for the beach in white hot pants and a tank top. It was an odd choice. No one helps Brandi into the sunken living room with her crutches; they kind of both stand there awkwardly and watch as she hobbles in and plops down on some ugly chair. Then Kyle and Brandi sit in silence while Dana and her Fendi’s totter out to get drinks.
When Camille arrives Kyle muses she has never been so excited to see Camille in her life. Haha! Camille is flabbergasted by the décor and the uninspired party; the food options being some haphazard desserts and a few rancid looking breadsticks. I mean when the other ladies throw a party – they go all out. I imagine at that moment Camille was reliving Kelly Kray-Kray Bensimon’s “I’m up here, you’re down here” speech and feeling likewise. Except in Camille’s case it’s actually true…she’s up there … and Dana…
Taylor shows up wearing a nightgown and is embarrassed that Dana is outing them as the grifters and wannabes they are by trying too hard to impress the other ladies. Lisa is going to have a field day with this one! Adrienne calls to inform Dana she is unable to attend, unfortunately she’s busy doing… things, so that means they are all just waiting on Kooky-Kim. Brandi feels alone and out of place among the ladies and I don’t blame her.
When Kim finally shows up to Dana’s Pam’s on-set rental house, she is an even bigger hot mess than the hostess. Her halter top is a wreck, she can’t remember Dana’s name, she has make-up all over her face and she is nattering on and on like a crazy lady. Kim immediately ushers herself into the bathroom where she is appalled that the mirror is so filthy she can’t see herself in it! How is she supposed to repair her damaged reputation make-up?! Kim repeats over and over that the mirror is filthy and wants to know who Pam hires to clean? Kyle is mortified. HA!
Kyle attempts to fix Kim’s make-up and Kim recounts that she is having a panic attack and hasn’t eaten or slept in a week. She is also drinking an enormous coffee drink. Kim says she has been crying and crying doesn’t reveal why. Kyle tries to refocus her. When Kim goes into the living room she asks Pam’s bartender to put her coffee drink in a special glass. Kyle tested the drink – no booze!
From the horrible to the sublime, Lisa and Ken are hosting their dinner party. Ravishing! Martin arrives! Ooohhh… Martin – a small part of me loves him. Call me! Followed by Jason’s parents, who are adored by Lisa. Max walks in wearing his cute socks – Max seems fun. And finally the happy couple – Pandora and Jason! In the middle of the parents plying them for details on their trip to NYC, Jason announces he wants to make a toast. And it is that kind of toast this time – Pandora and Jason are officially engaged! Lisa begins to cry. Pandora has no wedding plans yet, but Giggy must walk down the aisle with the ring. After welcoming Jason to the family, Ken tries to make a toast but Lisa oddly shuts him down insisting it will be “too mushy” and Ken turns it into a joke. BTW: Were Ken and Giggy wearing matching outfits?!
Back in a hell of pleather furniture and bad décor, the Game Night rages on. And rages is certainly the word to describe this fete! Kim is very appreciative of Pam’s hostess-ing, because Pam is letting Kim do whatever she wants and walk all over her while simultaneously bashing her other guests. Kim returns to the bathroom over and over, with Kyle following each time. Kim has brought with her a fleet of make-up bags, but it appears she can’t actually apply any of the make-up. Brandi is extremely weirded out by the scene and is surprised that none of the other ladies are commenting on Kim and Kyle. Everyone just sits there like deflated balloons on the hideous rent-a-couches.
Do you think while Kyle and Kim were spending all that time in the bathroom they wrote “Brandi is a Hoe 4eva” on the wall with lipstick? Or maybe: For A Good Time Call Super Slut!”
Camille is so classy – she really redeemed herself from last season. Or maybe editing redeemed her… After finally escorting the women into the “game room” where they will play Celebrity, Dana divvies up the team and Kim and Kyle are stuck with Brandi. Kim protests loudly that she doesn’t want to be on team with Brandi because she doesn’t know her while Kyle laughs hysterically. Unfortunately Brandi was sitting right there. Um… Kim? Hello! Maybe they didn’t want ot be on a team with Brandi because she’s really, really bad at the game. Did I notice Taylorexic drinking a Skinnygirl Margarita that the camera kept giving us a close-up of?
Because Brandi sucks at the game and they don’t like her, Kim and Kyle very obviously ice her out by directing the clues only towards each other. Brandi starts being passive-aggressive and sarcastic in response by yelling out comments about how much fun she is having. At one point Dana demands that only Kim can call her Pam, not Brandi. Apparently Dana isn’t over that little comment Brandi made about her fiancé.
Brandi announces to Camille that she knows the Sisters Richards do not like her, but that’s ok because she doesn’t like them and they aren’t exactly lucid. Brandi learned a lot about drugs from her modeling days. She tries to engage Camille in a conversation about Kim, but Camille refuses to comment and just sits there looking more and more uncomfortable. I bet D.D. is glad she skipped this one!
In the bathroom again, Kim and Kyle talk crap about Dana and Brandi. Kyle opines that Dana is actually really nice, although trashy is all get out. Kim is just upset to be associating with people she doesn’t know and doesn’t want to. That Kim is a tricky one! Kyle admits Brandi is not her style.
The Game Night continues to disintegrate until finally Kim actually hides Brandi’s crutches rendering her stranded on the sofa of doom. Which is where she remained when Kim and Kyle lit into her a few minutes later. Kyle announces its time to administer an IQ Test and points directly at Brandi! Brandi evokes her to “Bring it, Bitch!” Kyle wants to know if Brandi is calling her the B-word, and yes, yes she is. Brandi apparently thinks Kyle was making an insult directed at her blondeness with the IQ comment, but it was really just an insult directed at her intelligence quotient. I mean, like they’re all blonde, it’s just that Brandi is the only one who’s dumb!
Dana is fully on the Richards’ side and keeps saying annoying immature things like “Kyyyyle, I don’t like her!” directed at Brandi. Camille wisely attempts to stay out it save for a few ‘stop it ladies’, type comments as she is remembering last year when the very high school Kyle ganged up on her.
Eventually full-scale hell breaks lose after Brandi accuses Kim of being wasted and Kim calls Brandi, among other things “A god-damned Bitch” Kyle screams that Brandi is “pathetic” and then Kim unleashes a tirade about Brandi’s short-shorts with her a$$ hanging out, that’s not cute, and she looks like a “hoe!” I really, truly hope Teresa Giudice, I mean, Kim was on something because otherwise… . Maybe Bravo was slipping something in Kim’s drink to bring the dramz?!
And color me speechless! That was some kind of a bad party! I noticed the champagne remained untouched – I guess no one felt like celebrating…
Next Week: Lisa and Pandora begin the wedding planning process with a very odd wedding planner, Kim and Kyle address the issue of Kim’s old house, and the fight at Dana’s continues and gets physical! Is it “Slut Pig!” time?!
On Watch What Happens Live, Sarah Jessica Parker is the guest! SJP has donned her “head mistress” dress for the occasion and looks cute! The drinking game word is “Sucklord” for a participant in SJP’s upcoming Work Of Art.
Talk is of Dana’s Game Night and home, which SJP refers to as: “Not unlike an operating theater.” She is too articulate for this heap of trash show! And I say this as a person who desperately wants to be a guest on this heap of trash show. SJP calls the Game Night footage riveting and AC has to cut her rambling intellect off. I love her! Be on the show everyday!
Apparently, SJP has more than 100,000 Twitter followers but has never sent a Tweet. She just doesn’t have the constitution for it! They play the Work of Art Game – the kids of WWHL staffers drew pictures of housewives and SJP must guess the HW. How funny was the Ramona pic?! Speaking of which, did Andy mention something about the NY housewives filming in LA?
The game is Celebrity – Celebrity Edition! Oddly it is revealed that Bethenny stalked SJP on a street in NYC while wearing curlers?!? SJP wins the game and a Giggy painting!
Thoughts on the episode and the Brandi vs. Richards throw-down? What is your opinion of the new ladies after this week: cheap ploy on Bravo’s part to create trashy drama or a good addition to the cast? And – WHAT is up with Kim?!