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Last night’s episode of Jersey Shore was a hot mess of Mike hate and meatball madness. Pauly D manages to avoid Deena’s advances for “the sex,” while JWoww and Sam relish in their new found (and slightly surprising, given past seasons) friendship.

We rejoin the group with Snooki on the phone with Jionni discussing her smush session with Vinny. Jionni is pissed and Snooki is fanning her face to dry up her tears and while cocking her pink sequined ball cap to the side like a rapper. Jionni can’t handle her news, but he’s willing to continue talking to her. After they hang up, Vinny asks if Snooks wants to cuddle with him to make her feel better. He’s too funny.

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Deena can’t help herself from asking Pauly D for the sex. She doesn’t even care that Pauly has a bloody nose. Vinny is egging on the situation, and Pauly D vows to bring home a girl later in the evening to deter Deena’s advances. At the clerb, girl number one is dismissed after claiming to be shy and then discussing her dildo purchase earlier in the day. Girl two falls off a banquette, and girl three commits the cardinal sin of touching Pauly’s hair. All of these girls combined made up about six seconds of the episode….looks like Deena is going to get her wish! Sammi and Rawn are heading home, and they leave Pauly in charge of making sure Deena gets home safely. Deena is super wasted, and Pauly struck out at the clerb…he tries to claim he’s having his monthly lady visitor, but she isn’t drunk enough to buy that excuse.

Pauly tries to make things less weird by telling Deena he’d be all about her if he didn’t think it would ruin their friendship. Actually he says that if he didn’t know her, he’d knock the cobwebs out of that bleep, but I like to think he meant that in a super classy way. Deena tells the guys, Pauly included, about how good she is in bed and how she wouldn’t be begging if she didn’t care about Pauly as a friend. In his confessional, Vinny reveals that Pauly has been talking all night about how he hopes Deena will crawl in bed with him. Given his penchant for sarcasm, I’m not sure if I totally believe him, although his impressions are hilarious.

The next morning, Deena remembers coming on to Pauly. She totally just misses the pe-to-the-nis. Snooki misses Jionni so much that all she wants to do is get wasted with her fellow meatball. Um, does she not remember what happened last time they tried this? It seems to be before lunch time, but the meatballs are dancing on bars and falling over booths at family restaurants all over Florence. Just as gross, back at the villa the guys are attempting to clean their disgusting bathroom. Pauly D uses a random toothbrush to pull the hairs out of his hair clippers. Almost immediately, Mike joins them in the bathroom and brushes his teeth with the hair covered toothbrush. Gag.

It’s the gang’s last Saturday night in Italy, and the meatballs have traded Chewbacca boots so each one is wearing one white and one black Ewok hide. Punky Brewster invented that look, ladies, only with mismatched Chuck Taylors. Sam and JWoww are determined not to play mom to the meatballs on their last big night in Florence. At the clerb, The Situation is trying to instigate a fight with anyone who will give him the time of day. The entire club is chanting “Shame” at the cast (can you blame them?), and Rawn is hoping something happens…it’s been a while since he’s had a ‘roid rage.

Mike threatens to eat one of the dudes taunting him (I thought coke made you lose your appetite??), and Pauly D announces that “Cabs ah he-ah.” I love him more and more every day. He took a tag line and made it into a lifestyle. Vinny thinks that Mike only acts like a tough guy when there are people around (read: bouncers and his housemates) to hold him back. The meatballs are still out in full force, and they believe they are being harassed and made fun of by fellow patrons…one of which tosses a water bottle at them. To retaliate, the girls start throwing all the liquor bottles off the bar at the bartender…that was kind of a lot of damage, I’ll say. They are escorted out…and by escorted, I mean physically carried. The meatballs catch a cab home while complaining about how nice they are to people who are just plain rude in return. Oh, okay.

Back at the villa, JWoww and Sammi are over the meatball antics. Ron compares the meatball’s discussions to the voice of Charlie Brown’s teacher. Wah womp wah wah womp wah. Who would think that Jenni would rather hang out with Sam? The meatballs decide to get in the jacuzzi with their clothes on, and it’s a good thing too, as it saves Deena a trip to the restroom. Seriously? Yikes. The meatballs stay up drinking all night, and in lieu of going to bed they decide to head back out, donning hooker clothes, at 7am. Snooki believes the girls are only tan girl wasted at this point…they need to make it to meatball wasted. Does tan girl wasted mean you fall asleep on the table over cocktails at breakfast? The girls return home to pass out right next to their beds. Classy.

The dudes attempt a cookout, and fireman Pauly D manages to put out a barbeque fire started by Rawn. To atone for his faux pas, Ronnie makes Sam join him for a shopping excursion to restock the pantry for Sunday’s family dinner. These two freak me out when they are in sync…shouldn’t they be punching each other? Back at the house, Jenni asks Deena to do the dishes, but she flatly refuses. Mike sneaks in to remark that she never does anything around the house. The Situation and Deena argue but agree that they really don’t like each other. Mike yells at Deena who promptly throws a spatula at him.

Deena is miffed, and Vinny makes a valid point that maybe people don’t like you if everyday you get a spatula/wine bottle/wall directed at your head. JWoww and Sammi are in shock about how well they work together in the kitchen given their volatile past. It’s the final Sunday dinner, and everyone is nostalgic. While appreciative of their time in Italy, everyone is ready to be back in the States. The gang gives a round of applause to Rawn and Sam for being the most drama free people in the house. However, things get heated when Vinny claims his room back at the Shore house…Sam can’t understand why he won’t come to a compromisation (huh?) so she and Rawn don’t have to live upstairs with Mike amid the memories of bashed Caboodles make-up carriers, reading glasses, bed frames, and dreams. Vinny says he isn’t willing to room with Mike because of the drama. Ding, ding, ding!

Um, shouldn’t they wait and worry about this once they get back to New Jersey? Sam will NOT room with him again. People are pretty much discussing what a d-bad Mike is while he sits quietly and listens. He tells Snooki that people shouldn’t be worried, he’s not re-signing his contract for next season probably not going to make it to the shore. Mike says he’s tired of fighting, and Mike’s hair is tired of looking like a drugged up Vanilla Ice throw-back style. The meatballs tell Mike they hope he doesn’t come back to Jersey. Mike heads to the balcony to smoke with Sam and Rawn who quickly vacate amid his arrival. I am trying very hard not to feel sorry for Mike as everyone seems to be ganging up on him…although it is for good reason.

Pauly and Vinny are V.P., and their bromance is beautiful…as is their ability to make abbreviations out of anything. The following morning, Mike gets locked in the bathroom. As much as Rawn wants to leave him there, he comes to Mike’s rescue. The roommates are heading out sans Snooki (it’s nap time), and Ronnie is excited about a fun night with no drama. Mike feels alone, and what better way to express those feelings than to instigate a bar fight at the first person who looks at him sideways. Shockingly, no one comes to Mike’s defense, so he quickly backs down from said stranger and leaves alone, so dejected that no one had his back. Awwww….back at the house, the Situation has a substance induced (could be alcohol…I’m not hurling accusations) conversation with himself about how he’s always perceived as the bad guy.

Next week, the group attempts to soak in some Italian culture, while Rawn doles out some tough love to Mike.

WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE EPISODE AND THE RECAP? SHOULD MIKE HIT THE PROVERBIAL ROAD? WILL PAULY D GIVE DEENA THE SEX? HAHAHA! AS IF THAT WILL EVER HAPPEN! THANKFULLY.

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