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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills things got wild Moroccan style at Pandora’s insane, incredible, fantastic engagement party. Can Mohammed be my godfather? Kim debuted her new man who is also a Ken! And Taylor and Russell got a little threatastic with the tabloids. Oh, and Taylor started planning another Birthday Party for Kennedy!

Lisa is driving through her hood amidst the palm trees, Bentleys, designer logos, and mega-mansions casually calling all her friends to remind them that the party of the year will be happening on Tuesday so they better show up. Sadly, everyone is screening her calls. No interest in the British accent today, co-stars? Finally Kyle answers and is wondering what on earth to wear?! Something fun and something ball gown. Lisa fills Kyle in on her little cooking lesson with Adrienne. They are both surprised Adrienne didn’t rub some hand lotion on the poor chicken!

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Then, Lisa phones a little frienemy named Taylor. Lisa broaches the awkward, indelicate matter of how Russell is actually not permitted to show up at Mohammed’s after he scammed him in a business deal or something. Lisa lets Taylor know she is more than welcome to come solo, probably thinking Taylor will turn her down to spare her hubby’s feelings, but no – Taylor says yes so fast Lisa could barely finish her sentence. This wannabe miss a huge party filled with Beverly Hills elite? Not a chance in Oklahoma!

Taylor and Dana meet at a fancy cake shop to plan Kennedy’s next birthday party – five is big huge number worthy of an enormous party for 200 of her closest friends and family. Kennedy knows 200+ people? Yeah, I didn’t think so… Taylor is planning a county fair/ranch themed party. Apparently after all the backlash she received from the Taylor in Wonderland party she overspent on last year she wants a more family friendly affair. Testing cakes, Taylor reveals they want a horse shaped one — which was the only input Kennedy was allowed to have in this party — and after learning that children generally prefer the chocolate cake, Taylor and Dana pick strawberry, pay the $2K and waltz out the door to pick out cowboy hat shaped diamond pendants as party favors for 200 kindergarteners.

Kyle’s mother in law Estella is getting a facelift from Dr. Paul, otherwise known as Adrienne’s goofy husband. Kyle is afraid her MIL will drastically change her face in an effort to look young. Kyle has seen many beautiful women turn into Faye Resnick cat woman and blowfish. During surgery Paul actually calls actor Mark Wahlberg to inform him that his anesthesiologist is his secret twin. Then, he tries to set Marky-Mark’s clone up with Kim!

Once Estella is out of surgery, Kyle is afraid to look at her bandage face and freaks out in the recovery room. She actually starts crying and hides behind the curtain! Perhaps it triggered some bad memories? Perhaps Kyle had been really worried about Estella? Perhaps Kyle is immature…

Taylor is having Kyle and Mauricio over for dinner and she hired a chef to help her prepare a gourmet feast for a casual dinner between friends. Can this woman do anything authentic? Kyle explains that Taylor confuses her by describing Russell negatively and then he appears nice and polite whenever they socialize. The dinner is so awkward and no one has anything to talk about and the food is ridiculous!

Finally Russell decides to break the ice by threatening to sue Us Weekly over an article Lisa supposedly planted about Taylor and Russell separating. See, an unnamed source (aka Cedric) informed Russell that Lisa is the best of friends with the editor of the mag. Kyle confirms that yes, Lisa is friends with the editor but would never feed her information about friends. Russell claims he has proof Lisa is responsible for the article and once his litigator serves the magazine with a suit they will give up their sources! Um… delusional, much? I still blame an unnamed source called Waylor!

Kyle is shocked – everyone in Beverly Hills knows Taylor and Russell have a sham marriage that is filled with issues – it’s not like it’s a secret. Duh! I actually felt for Kyle – they know Lisa is a good friend of hers so why would Taylor and Russell choose to put her on the spot and basically attempt to extort information about whether or not Lisa planted the story? Consequently, Kyle rightfully wonders if they accuse her of such nonsense next.

It’s the day of Pandora’s party and no one can find the absent Max, who apparently has no interest in attending a party for his sister that will be filled with middle-agers desperate to reclaim their youth (ahem… Kyle). Finally he arrives! Kim calls and cancels last minute. Lisa begs her to come – just for a quick drink. Whoops!

Lisa presents Pandora with a $68,000 custom diamond necklace made from a diamond bracelet Ken gave her while she was pregnant. Awwwww… Ken is upset that no one is including him in the love fest – after all he is paying for the bloody wedding! Then, Ken re-gifts (gasp!), giving Jason a watch Lisa gave him that he didn’t much care for! It’s like the White Elephant game with really expensive luxury items. Poor Max is sitting there, sort of dejectedly.

Arriving at Mohammed’s there is a camel at the front entry and snake charming belly dancers! The Fem-bot appears and she is now Mohammed’s fiancé! Taylor is terrified of snakes and makes the belly dancer go away so she can go inside – she is also frightened of the camel. Everyone has huge gifts for Pandora and Jason – do you think they registered at Target and Bed Bath and Beyond?

I think I’ll call this engagement party boobs a’million because holy cleavage! These ladies had the girls on display, on display, on display… (they’re just waitin’ on me to fall… ). Sorry – I had to do it! Camille and the Fem-Bot check out the mermaid stationed by the pool. The irony was not lost on me that the ‘bot and the mermaid were dressed in fairly identical garments, although thankfully the fiancé refrained from dry humping the pool deck while chanting “I’m a mermaid!”

Lisa corners Taylor and they engage in a totally fake and insincere conversation mostly on Taylor’s end. Taylor announces that she has wisely decided Lisa’s daughter’s engagement party was not the place to bring up the Us Weekly incident, but she will be discussing it with her at some point. Taylor reveals Russell is traveling and didn’t even bother telling him about the party. Meanwhile Kyle and Farrah engage in some mother/daughter bonding when Kyle informs Farrah she wants her to get married, have a baby and then give it to her and leave. I know Kyle was kidding, but gross.

Mohammed leads everyone to his ballroom, which has been completely converted into Morocco complete with a circus tent, belly dancers, acrobats and more! Martin introduces the ladies to a friend, who is very odd and thinks she may be pregnant from the floor and calls her husband daddy. Nonetheless Taylor invites her to Kennedy’s party. Doesn’t everyone call their husband daddy the ladies want to know? Adrienne calls Paul something NSFTV. Camille jokes that “daddy” must be in a wheelchair somewhere. Haha! Taylor is offended that Russell was not welcome at Mohammed’s, but this woman is!

And where, pray tell, is Kim? Oh on a date with her super-secret man, Ken! Is Kim wearing an engagement ring!? Kim has been secretly dating Ken for about a year and met him at his mailbox in her neighborhood. She never bothered to tell her sister because she hadn’t seen Kyle in months and then it never seemed appropriate to broach the subject. But Kim is so happy with him and so in love and he is so amazing, but she’s afraid to tell her sisters about this amazing, wonderful man. Odd. Kim claims she doesn’t want to hear Kyle’s advice on the matter and warns Ken her family will hate him and won’t support their relationship since they never think anyone is good enough. Once again – was Kim wearing an engagement ring?!

Meanwhile as Kim is murmuring sweet nothings to her hidden man things are getting very wild at Mohammed’s! The secret hook-up room is discovered, but Paul could never do “it” on a mattress with ridges! And Kyle gets a little cray-cray (re: drunk) under the circus tent! Apparently she fancies herself quite the acrobat! No, Mrs. Peacock-ball gown is going to deter her from a full split! Sheesh! Was it me or did Lisa look pretty unimpressed (re: embarrassed) by Kyle’s behavior? And then Taylor’s flash dance moment? Yes, probably not the most appropriate demeanor at an engagement party, but it was a pretty wild party! While Kyle was reliving her glory days as Studio 54’s side-split queen Mauricio and Farrah were calmly eating dinner and behaving like civilized adults.

Next week: Kim gets some work done by Paul. The ladies visit a psychic. And Kim finally tells Kyle about her secret boyfriend!

On Watch What Happens Live it’s a Halloween Spectacular and Andy is dressed up as Giggy! The guests are Chris March (dressed as Lisa), Gail Simmons (dressed as Zoila Chavez!) and Real Housewives of Atlanta‘s Phaedra Parks and Apollo Nida dressed as Morticia and Gomez Adams! Chris, of course, fashioned his own costume made in Vanderpump-pink and Andy’s Pom with Alopecia suit!

Lisa joins Andy in the clubhouse via Skype with Giggy dressed up as Andy! And she wants Chris to make her a costume! No treats in the clubhouse only tricks! Gail has to reach in the “Cop-A-Feel” box and comes up with a breast implant chicken cutlet! ewwww… Gail loves Zoila and claims Zoila is her role model! Zoila calls Gail! And her comment on Gail’s costume: “Nice try!” Apparently Zoila tried to dress as a “pretty prostitute” but Jeff wouldn’t let her! haha

Fans dressed as Bravolebrities join Andy in the Clubhouse and play Bobbing For Implants! Gail announces that Matthew Petersen is the Top Chef: Just Desserts Fan Favorite! Congratulations, Matthew! It’s Phaedra and Apollo‘s anniversary and they now own a funeral home! Funerals Worth Dying For, in fact and she offers to bury Andy! Andy makes the guests play “Guess The Housewife Pumpkin Head”. The Kim Z one was fantastic!

Lisa‘s wedding planner shows up and announces there is no such thing as too much money spent! His trick: a condom with a hole in it. Eeks! Scary. Alex and Simon are surprise guests dressed as Herman Munster and Bride of Frankenstein and Andy claims their costumes “really compliment” them!

The Poll Question is: What should Tramona be for Halloween? Kim Zolciack! SO AMAZING! The cigarette!

THOUGHTS ON THE ENGAGEMENT PARTY – OVER THE TOP OR AMAZING? THOUGHTS ON RUSSELL AND TAYLOR BLAMING LISA FOR PLANTING STORIES ABOUT THEIR IMPLODING MARRIAGE – DO YOU THINK SHE IS RESPONSIBLE? WHAT DID YOU THINK OF KIM’S NEW BOYFRIEND? DID ANYONE MISS BRANDI AND DANA THIS EPISODE OR DO YOU PREFER THE ORIGINAL CAST?

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