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Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta was all about changes, forgiveness and getting what you deserve. Sheree pulled a Tamra Barney and threw a drink on her ex-husband, Phaedra and Kandi begged forgiveness something desperate from Mama Joyce, who is both livid and embarrassed that reDICKulous appeared last week. Oh yeah, and we met Marlo Hampton. She has a husky voice I wasn’t expecting!

Things start out with everybody’s favorite southern bell doing a stop and drop apology by bringing Kandi an ‘I shouldn’ t have invited a disgusting porny stripper to your birthday party in front of your mama’ cake. Phaedra’s been giving out a lot of “I’m sorry” gifts lately, hasn’t she? According to Kandi her mama is still mad and won’t answer the phone!

The ladies are still confused that NeNe “former stripper” Leakes flew the coop without even saying good-bye. Apparently she couldn’t locate Kandi in the crowd since she took her eyeballs out. Phaedra is especially perplexed given that NeNe used to show her cervix for a quarter back in the day. Um, I’m pretty sure she was a stripper not a gynecological test subject, Phae!

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The ladies also ponder about what kind of person wouldn’t want to appreciate ‘DICK’s considerable talents and artistic expressions, oh, which in their mind are worthy of a spot in Ripley’s Believe It Or Not. Phaedra grossly informs us that if she had those same considerable talents she would never make it to work.

And speaking of ridiculous Cynthia is set to emcee some sort of International Fashion Week thingy which is apparently where interior designers make clothes to show off their fabrication skills, or something. Whatever it was the clothes looked like loin clothes and Dynasty costumes. So it makes sense that Cynthia was wearing my grandmother’s crocheted potholder collection from 1955 in dress form. Sadly she was also wearing it with some sort of weave that appeared to be the remnant of a catfight. I think it’s fair to say Cynthia had some unfortunate hair throughout last night’s epi.

Phaedra and Apollo attend the festivities, as they have miraculously and with no intervention from Bravo, made amends with Peter and Cynthia. Phaedra explains she can respect a man who hustles, and Papa Smurf can make a dollar out of 15 cents. Also attending the show is Sheree, who looks nice, and Lawrence who doesn’t. I’m not sure what was worse: Lawrence’s Blanche Deveraux ensemble, Cynthia’s emcee-ing or the clothing wafting down the runway! Cynthia’s public speaking went something like this ‘poopety poop hot pink flufertywaffle. Oops I mean fluffywaffle from House of Iridescent, I mean Indira. Oh wait, I mean Indridoodle.’ Yeah it was a complete and utter mess and Phaedra was right to comment that Cynthia should have, you know, practiced. A lot.

After the fashion show, Cynthia was all excited that she got through a complete sentence and hoped everyone thought all her “oops, I meant…” corrections would be overlooked. Phaedra wasn’t fooled, but decided the last Housewives-related event ended in a showdown between Apollo and Peter and this one didn’t need to end in one between Cynthia and her so she wisely said nothing. Besides she had other things to worry about – like the introduction of “socialite” (re: ex-conn) Marlo and her boyfriend and potential husband (almost ex-conn) Charles Grant. Phaedra was smart to try and impress them as these two have a bevy of legal troubles and she is a lawyer!

Hmmm… not to be mean, but Charles, Charles, Charles… that poor man certainly got hit by the ugly stick! Marlo and Charles come sidling up the group and gossip vulture Sheree instantly gloams onto the fact that NeNe “Close Your Legs To Married Men” Leakes has “been in the papers” as reportedly having a thing with Charles. Mmmm….hhhhmmm… that same NeNe who bellowed at Gregg last season “I have done right by you…” Perhaps that’s what some of their marital strife was over – Did Gregg suspect an affair?

Anyhoodle, everyone is all a’twitter over the big rich football star, his new ladylove, and his possible, former, past ladylove and everyone wants to impress Marlo and Charles. Why, I’m not sure? Possibly because that is what Housewives do when encountering a new possible Housewife — try to bring her onto their side swiftly. Housewives is becoming more and more like Big Brother by the day.

After meeting power couple of the year, Sheree gets a little twitchy about her own past as an Atlanta power couple and decides to invite her ex-husband Bob Whitfield to the park for some family bonding. Sheree tells us Bob and her generally get along well. I guess she forgot we’ve been watching her snark on him for four seasons now. Say whatever you will about Sheree, but in this instance I feel she conducted herself appropriately and Bob needs to own up and support his children. As Sheree said, this is about Kairo and Kaleigh.

Sheree basically reminds Bob he is four-long-years remiss on his financial obligation, to which Bob told her she was the responsible female in this equation and should get a job and stop carrying around $15,000 handbags. Hey, I agree – she should get a job and stop carrying around $15,000 handbags, but that doesn’t excuse his responsibility to his children. And what was wrong with his eyes? Sheree retaliated by telling Bob he should get a job and remember those children also belong to him. Then, she said she was taking him to court, threw some water on him and stomped away. Too bad she didn’t have Phaedra’s holy water with her! Bob calls her evil to the core. Classy.

To follow up with her visit with Bob, Sheree makes an appearance at Phaedra Parks’ Attorney law’s office. Phaedra looks divine in her Chanel, but what is she thinking always painting her nails different colors? I know she fancies artistic expression, but that’s more on the Lisa Frank trapperkeeper side of artistic and nobody over the age of 12 appreciates that. Phaedra is all fired up about Bob’s negligence and thinks he would make an excellent captain of the football team in County Jail. She’s all about to braise some balls with a decree from the court that he has five-days to pay up or face time in the clink. “Hear that clang, clang,” she basically asks? “That’s the sound of Bob headed to his new home!”  Becoming a mother has made Phaedra emotional.

Sheree does some fake crying and dabs her eyes ever so delicately with a napkin and bites her lip like ‘geee… should I file a motion to throw his ass in jail? That would make him really mad.’ I think Sheree saw this as another audition – she is passionate about acting, you know. Sheree says she’s not ready to make a decision, despite the fact that Phaedra dangles the word “FREE” in front of her, in terms of how much Sheree will owe her for her services.

Cynthia brings her mom and sister Malorie to her new modeling school for a tour. Her mom is really excited, but Mal barely acknowledges anything. Finally Cynthia confronts her sister about what’s going on, so she and Malorie get into an argument about how much Peter sucks.

After her mom cuts them off, Cynthia decides now is the perfect time to mention that one of Peter’s investors fell through and he bounced a $40,000 check and needs some money. Malorie is speechless and cannot believe Cynthia is contemplating making this mistake again. Cynthia starts backpedaling that Peter is her husband and she has to support him, but neither her mom nor her sister are buying it. Malorie reminds Cynthia that she doesn’t want to be broke again and that, hello, she is building her own business and needs to focus on that.

Later, Cynthia questions Peter about the money and makes it known that it’s available to him if need be, but Peter tells her he worked something out. He’s a hustler to the core! Apparently the two have pre-nups, for what assets I’m not sure, but hey better safe than sorry, right?

Kim is almost due and Brielle is seriously worried about the introduction of a new baby into their lives. Kim has a heart-to-heart with Brielle about childbirth and nursing which consists of her saying, ‘yeah this baby has gotta come out so there’s no going back now! Is my wig on straight? I’m gonna lose the weight real quick!’ Kim is not so good in the reassuring department. Kim tells us that when Ariana was born she was going through a divorce and Brielle was forced to deal with a ton of changes in a short period of time. Poor Brielle is so traumatized to learn she nursed that she wants to go brush her teeth 14-years later.

Cynthia and NeNe stop by the yet-to-be completed Bar One, which has scheduled a sneak peak for the evening. Seriously nothing was done and I’m pretty sure those exposed wires are a fire hazard, but the show must go on! NeNe is all set to co-host the swanky (not to be confused with skanky) affair and is very excited about her Peeet-ter’s grand opening. According to Cynthia, NeNe is big celebrity who will bring the star power to the event. Yeah, we have different opinions on what constitutes a celebrity – even in Atlanta.

Kandi finally tracks down Mama Joyce by showing up at her house and wondering what on earth is going on. Mama Joyce is very distraught about the party and feels she was disrespected. Making a valid point she wonders if Phaedra would have invited reDICKulous with her mama in attendance? I think the short answer is no, given that Phaedra couldn’t even tell her mother she was pregnant before she walked down the aisle! Kandi apologizes profusely and is confused because mom is her homegirl. Mama Joyce reminds Kandi that first and foremost she is a mother and deserves to be treated respectfully and appropriately; which means no nasty strippers dancing on her head with people waving dollars at him! BTW: Mama Joyce’s hair looked sooo much better straight!

On the night of Bar One’s sneak preview, everyone is there but the co-host and the air conditioner. It is a summer night in Atlanta and the AC doesn’t work and everyone is sweating their parts off. Also, Bar One is apparently in the ghetto so no one can find it. Odd.

The appearance of Marlo and Charles cues the gossip mongers to start speculating that NeNe is ditching the festivities because she wants to avoid a run-in with her former fling. Charles cops to going on a double date with NeNe, but claims she was too into himself and he dropped her at the hotel. Cynthia wants to know what is up with NeNe and apparently it’s merely a wardrobe malfunction, although she informs us that she told her BFFL that Charlo was present.

Did anyone else notice Charles teeth? Eeks. I didn’t hear Sheree yelling at him to get his teef fixed, but she should have! Peter has been waiting for NeNe all evening, so he can unveil a surprise gift for Cynthia. After he gets tired of waiting he does the honors himself. The gift is an enormous picture of Cynthia and her afro. Wow. Yeah, just wow. That’s some afro!

And finally five minutes before the event ends, here comes NeNe, just when everyone was talking about her! Something else NeNe and Marlo have in common besides Charles – they both wore ill-fitting hot pants. NeNe declares, in her talking head, that there is absolutely NO truth to the rumors that she had a thing with Charles.

NeNe is aloof and seems annoyed to be there and pretty much avoids the VIP (re: Housewives) section. Everyone is surprised that Cynthia doesn’t mention anything about NeNe’s tardiness, although I think it was appropriate to wait until after the evening to bring it up. Call me crazy! Sheree comments that NeNe gave Cynthia and Peter exactly what they could afford: five minutes of her time. Which is more than she could afford, given the rumors that she is only worth $50k!

Next Week: Kim goes into labor, plus weave! The drama continues between NeNe, Marlo and Charles.

Watch What Happens Live: The guests are Sandra Bernhard and Chef Roble from the new show Chef Roble and Co. Sandra informs us that many, many years ago Cynthia was in a movie with her and had that same afro! Priceless. Sandra is also completely puzzled and aghast at Kim’s chat with Brielle. Kim is Kim, what can you say!

Sandra reviews the Mariah Carey/Justin Beiber Christmas Duet and all I can say is: “HAHAHAHA!” Apparently Chef Roble was quite the hit – I didn’t watch, did you? And everyone wants to talk about butts! Chef Roble is a fan of Kandi’s booty and she will be his client on next week’s show!

The poll question is: Who has the best donkey booty? And Kandi wins by a landslide! BTW: Below is a fantastic photo of Bob getting baptized by Sheree’s fury!

THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE? WHAT IS YOUR FIRST IMPRESSION OF MARLO? SHOULD CYNTHIA BE MAD AT NENE FOR THE LATE ARRIVAL?

 

Bob Whitfield gets showered with love.


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