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The Bad Girls Club reunion last night made me embarrassed to be a member of the human race.

Hosted by the most famous Bad Girl alum, Tanisha Thomas, we didn’t learn anything new or accomplish anything on this reunion. Or, if anything got said, it was totally lost because the girls could not stop fighting. Real Housewives reunions at least have a debriefing feel to them, especially as Andy Cohen plays back well-produced montages of the season. In contrast, this reunion only served to provoke the girls to fight more, about shit that was totally meaningless. To make matters worse, it’s filmed in front of a snickering studio audience. And one thing all the bad girls have is an overwhelming insecurity.

They brought out all of the girls from this season, including Jenna and Christine, two cast members I’d completely forgotten about. They also brought out the sponge bob twins, Gabi and Dani, who hilariously called themselves the “stars” of this season since they participated in the “biggest bad girls club fight in history.” There’s something to take off your bucket list! Participated in violent, televised fight before expressing deep yearning for a Chipotle burrito!

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One thing that struck me about the reunion was that all these women should fire their stylists. You know that rule that you should take off at least one accessory before leaving the house? In this case, everyone needed to remove just about everything. Complete do-over! The girls were so over-styled (especially Gia and Erica) that I wanted to throw them all into a Korean spa and scrub the 100 pounds of Mac and body glitter that had been plastered on each girl. That’s not to mention the clothes! Amy appeared to have two separate cow skin rugs on her legs. The Housewives have this same problem of dressing like they are going to a cougar prom whenever it’s time for reunion night. What happened to a simple black dress, platform heels and killer, subtle makeup with a blowout?

Anyway, clothes aside, everyone acted foolish. Even Tanisha got upset when psycho Camilla came on and wanted to jump Elease. There’s no jumping anyone on the reunion! Only one the show, ladies. Camilla felt she had a leg up on everyone since the show was being filmed in LA and she’s from the West Coast. Elease and Mimi, both Miami girls, were ready for battle. Camilla was truly evil, even worse than the twins. I think she was so amped up on being a “bad girl” that she came in and was so aggressive for no reason. Or, in the case of Amy, one could make the mistake of wanting to get dressed after a shower. She clarified that she went ballistic on Amy after their make out session because in Long Beach, putting your clothes on is a signal you want to fight. Um, sure. Let’s just go with that.

Everyone agreed that Christine was an idiot for passing up her opportunity to be on the show, since thousands of girls tried out. It’s really rare to see reality shows acknowledge that they are shows, so it was cool to hear them refer to this. I hate how all the other shows pretend that their situation is real. Christine is still with her boyfriend, so her early departure was worth it. Tanisha didn’t spend too much time on it, in proportion to the five seconds she spent.

Gabi and Dani came out, and there was some sort of maple syrup incident with Gia. Tanisha was upset at the lack of pancakes and so was I. Speaking of Gia, she seemed to be really upset, especially at the audience. I thought she was going to attack some audience member they focused on who was making fun of her, but thankfully that random audience member was spared. Gia said she didn’t learn anything on the show and just drank a lot. The other girls pretended to have feelings, with Erica apologizing for the treatment of Elease and Elease upset at what was done to Christine.

There was a lot of talk about “being a woman” and how it translates to holding your own in a fight. I thought being a woman meant having two X chromosomes. Maybe I’m not really a woman. Mimi had the best line of the night, when she threw up her hands and said “America knows I can’t fight, the secret is out!”

This show is campy and not serious, but the reunion has a dark, perverse feeling I can’t shake. Tanisha is the only bad girl who appears to have really become successful from this show and she has her own spin-off premiering on Oxygen in a few weeks. But what’s the point otherwise? Twitter followers? Club appearances? Bad girls all stars? Why are they even there?

So, to recap: everyone yelled, and everyone fought. The twins are “stars” that I forgot about the second they left the screen. The end.

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