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Airing this weekend is the first part of Oprah’s interview with America’s favorite and most-hated (depending who you ask) reality family, the Kardashian-Jenner-Odom-Disick family.

Small snippets of the two part interview have been coming out and I had to share this little nugget.  It seems that our little Kimmie is growing up, y’all!  Yes, at 31 years old she’s finally becoming a grown up.  She tells Oprah (after Oprah comments “You’re growing up”), “I’m totally growing up.”

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Kim is crediting this “growing up thing” to hanging out with older and wiser people, including her new man Kanye West.  “A lot of my friends, the people that I love to just sit and talk to and spend my time with, are wiser, a little bit older than me.  Before I used to, you know, all my boyfriends were younger. I always dated five years younger. My whole thing was completely different.  I love that I’m with someone who is a couple years older than me.  I love that my friends are even sometimes 20, 30 years older than me.” Of course she does, it makes her look younger and hotter next to them.

I’m sorry, but this interview is already making me gag.  It’s going to be a fluff piece in yet another attempt to rehab Kim’s image after the backlash over the 72 day fake wedding debacle – and, conveniently, it airs right before the divorce proceedings get going.

Speaking of court proceedings, a man in Florida has become my new favorite fiction writer and he doesn’t even know it!  I have to admit – I love a crazy lawsuit. You know, those women who sue famous actors, claiming their babies were fathered by them even though the actor has never even set eyes on them.   Or the nutjobs who “come forward” after 40 years and say that “soandso” is their dad.  It takes a lot of guts and a lot of crazy and I love ‘em for it!

Gino Romano from Florida is the new court jester of crazy.  Gino attempted to get a restraining order against the Kardashian family this week, but the judge threw it out and called the request “frivolous”.  The judge calls it frivolous, I call it the best thing I’ve read and had to write about all week.

Gino claims that the reality family jumped him gangster-style at Busch Gardens in Tampa, Florida.  “Khloé Kardashian put me in a head lock and Kourtney Kardashian stuck her heel in my eye and Kim Kardashian put brass knuckles on and punched me in the teeth, Kris Kardashian [Jenner] pulled out mace and sprayed me while Kim Kardashian pick pocketed my Levi’s and stole my wallet.  Also Kris Jenner ripped my diamond earring out and put it in her own ear and is telling people Bruce Jenner gave it to her for Memorial Day, and Kim Kardashian threatened to get Kanye West to shove a microphone in my throat.”

He continues recalling the “assassination attempt” by the famous family, “I was forced to bed confined [sic] because my head is injured from Kardashian assassination attempt against me, but I know they are coming back, because Kim Kardashian told me this in Arnold Schwarzenegger’s voice.”

It gets better.  He goes on to say that they assaulted him AGAIN, at Disneyland this time. He says Kourtney tasered him while Khloe, dressed as a sumo wrestler, slammed him into a curb and Kim whispered ‘gonna get you sucker’.

You know you’re getting the BEST mental picture ever after reading that. This is BEGGING to be made into a parody video.  Someone get on it STAT.

Dear Gino, please get to work on your “tell-all” book. I’ll be first in line for the pre-order.

Dear Readers, beware next time you take a family vacation. Those Kardashian ninjas might spring from the bushes and jump you. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Photo credit: Wenn

TELL US – ARE YOU TUNING IN FOR OPRAH’S INTERVIEW WITH THE KARDASHIANS? WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE ASSAULT LAWSUIT? HILARIOUS, INSANE OR HILARIOUSLY INSANE!?

 

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