Big Ang already has my heart so I’m going to love her show, right? I mean, her intro is graphitti in her likeness. Fabulous.
After touting her love of bartending at the Drunken Monkey, Big Ang introduces us to her cast of characters: Crazy Linda, Patty Slaps, and Lil Jen. Patty Slaps is already my favorite on name alone. Lil Jen almost died of pancreatic cancer, but now she’s healthier than ever. She’s fifty-three and still lives with her parents. Maybe she’s my favorite. Gah! The choices.
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Ang and her heady voice are discussing upcoming renovations at the Drunken Monkey when son AJ arrives. We’re not even ten minutes in, and (minus Lil Jen and Patty Slaps) I’m hating myself for wondering if Big Ang can hold her own show. Yikes. This is boring. At least it’s only thirty minutes.
Ang’s younger sister Janine is in charge of Big Ang’s books. She is no nonsense. Janine isn’t keen on hearing about the Drunken Monkey’s new grand opening party, although she is very business-like when telling Ang she’s only allowed to hire four male models for her shindig.
Big Ang wants hot “shot guys” for the re-grand opening for the bar. She has some not cute guidos stripping out of their wife-beaters to audition for the part. Big Ang and her tonsils can’t handle the tattoos and the ponytails. Should she perhaps have her tonsils taken out? Her voice is way worse than “normal.” And yes, I had to put “normal” in quotes.
Ang is having a date night with Neil her “so-called husband.” I love that Big Ang loves the air quotes as much as I do! She reveals that the pair has been married for three years, and it’s been a total disaster. Did I see Neil on an episode of Millionaire Matchmaker when he was set up with a rich lady who loves Hello Kitty? Neil’s been sober for a while and he’s ready to move back in with Ang. Is it just me, or does he look like he could be her son?
Speaking of her son, Ang goes to visit AJ. She fills in AJ on Neil’s declaration of love and sobriety. Ang also wants AJ to move back home so she doesn’t have to go to his apartment to do his laundry.
Ang is spray tanning before the re-grand opening of the Drunken Monkey. She wears quite the tiny bikini. I have to take a moment to say that this isn’t the bar that Drita D’Avanzo used to frequent. It’s totally a club. Craziness, ugly sunglasses, and jello shots abound. Ang brings out a little person dressed as a gorilla. I want to love this show, but I’m torn. There is a male revue. Ang is orange due to the spray tan. Neil arrives as Ang grinds up on a patron in her hot pink snake skin printed dress. I am super confused.
Big Ang recounts the night with her girlfriends at the end of the bar opening, and she reveals that she may allow Neil to move back in with her. I think Lil Jen hates the idea and Patty Slaps is all over the reconciliation. I could be totally wrong. It’s the premiere, so forgive me for not being able to tell her friends apart yet!
This season, Ang searches for a new house, tries her hand at tennis, and gets her mother a stripper. Oh, and son AJ gets arrested.