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Last week on Teen Mom, we saw Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra welcome home Butch, Maci Bookout crash Bentley’s vacation with his dad, Farrah Abraham try dating, and Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley get therapy.

Catelynn’s Unfortunate Fashion Choices

If you blinked, grabbed a snack, or called Iowa to warn them Farrah was on the way, you probably missed Catelynn‘s contribution to this episode.

Butch announces he’s off to find a job.  That’s the end of the Butch scenes, which is a darn shame.  Next week’s previews show Butch flabbergasted that somebody ran a background check on him, so he’s either having issues finding employment or he’s heading back to the slammer.

Catelynn’s grandmother comes for a visit.  While she’s there, Catelynn and Tyler‘s adoption counselor Dawn calls to invite them to attend an adoption support group meeting.  I was really hoping Catelynn’s grandmother and Dawn were setting Catelynn up, and instead of  support group, they were whisking her away to What Not To Wear.

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Catelynn is a nice girl, but she is in serious need of a fashion consultant.  Her outfit tonight consists of age-appropriate denim capris, a dress barn senior citizen special shawl-like shirt, and unflattering heels. I imagine when she got her hair cut, she brought along a picture of Butch, showed it to her stylist, and asked for the exact opposite.  Party in the front and business in the back.  Also, she’s wearing a flower on one side of her head and a feather on the other. In bits and pieces, it could work.  All together, it’s horrifying.

Sadly, Catelynn, her grandmother, her friend Paige, and Dawn really do go to an adoption support group meeting.  Catelynn  wants to use her story and fame to help other young moms who might be considering adoption.

Later, Catelynn tells Tyler about her day.  Catelynn chews away at her fingernails with a serious look on her face.  Is she plotting to take over the world?  Save all the pregnant teens?  Take out for dinner?  Wondering who in their right mind is going to hire Butch?  Sadly, we’ll never know what she’s thinking, as we have to move on to the dumb, dumber, and drugged Teen Moms now.

Maci Gets Serious About Talking About College

Maci is preparing for her next semester of college. A quick review of her schedule tells us that she’s planning to take five classes.  Maci has yet to make it through a semester of college without dropping most, if not all, of her classes.

Maci’s advisor requests a meeting.  Her advisor basically says, “I’m concerned about your upcoming schedule.  What idiot suggested you take five classes?  Are you that idiot?  Do you realize how time consuming it’s going to be to have to withdrawal from five classes?”

This advisor acts as if five classes is an extraordinary workload.  Isn’t five classes a typical full-time schedule?

Even though Maci is a journalism major and she’s been scheduling/taking/dropping  classes for three years now, she hasn’t ever met with a journalism advisor.  She makes an appointment to do so.

Maci meets up with a friend.  Maci talks to her about possibly dropping  a few classes (now instead of later). Maci says the advisor’s suggestion left her feeling like a loser.  Maci’s friend reminds Maci how much she has going on.  It’s perfectly understandable why the advisor would suggest a lighter workload.  What exactly does Maci have going on?  Toddler – check.  I’ll give her that one.

Supportive boyfriend – check.  Supportive family – check.  Daycare she’s paying for but never brings Bentley to – check.  No job – check.  MTV money – check. Cry me a freaking river.  Maci’s friend offers her pre-programmed response, “It’s obviously soooo much work to take all these classes and then go home to potty train Bentley.”  Maci is like, “OMG, I know!  I cannot do anything at home.  Bentley is like a leech.”

Obviously, Bentley never sleeps and Bentley doesn’t spend entire days with Ryan. Bentley only attaches himself to Maci, sucking the life out of her 24/7.  Ugh – Maci’s minion’s are such enablers.

Cut to the next scene.  Oh, lookie, Bentley is with Ryan Edwards.  He’s having a blast with Ryan while Maci meets with the journalism advisor.  Maci decides on a two-year degree, to take fewer classes and narrow her focus.  Kyle meets up with Maci at the college. Maci tells Kyle all about her new plan, and the look on Kyle’s face suggests she’s talking too fast for him.  Kyle asks Maci if this new plan is full time.  Maci says no, and she’s happy about it because she doesn’t want to feel like an idiot who cannot do full time… stopping right there.  She CAN’T do full time, we’ve already established this, I thought.  That leech of a son of hers doesn’t afford her the time or energy.

Anyway, Maci is excited.  She’s finally “interested.”  She says all of this in the same flat tone she says anything that isn’t about Ryan.  Speaking of Ryan, I missed him this episode.

Farrah Is Bringing Bitch Back To Iowa

Farrah is planning a trip to Iowa.  It’s been almost a full month since she and her parents have verbally abused each other in person and she needs to have her braces removed.

Farrah lets Sophia walk around their apartment with a push-up ice cream treat, and then she yells at her for making a mess.  To prepare for her trip home, Farrah calls her therapist.  (You couldn’t pay me enough to be Farrah’s therapist.)  Farrah wants to be an adult but she doesn’t want to be an adult who has to clean.  She whines to her therapist how messy her baby and puppy are.  Poor Farrah has to clean all day long.  Also, her parents are still overbearing.  She doesn’t want to hear any reminders on how to parent her child.

Farrah’s therapist says (paraphrased), If you’re adult enough to be on your own, you need to be adult enough to be confident about your choices and learn to handle their suggestions better.  Great advice wasted on Farrah.

Farrah is rushing around, preparing to leave for the airport, and Debra calls Farrah for like the seventh time already this episode.  Most of their conversations go like this – Farrah, What? Debra, I miss baby. Farrah, Ughhhhh.  Debra, Is baby clean? Is baby safe? Farrah, Yes, Mom.  I’m an adult.  Debra, I miss baby.  Farrah, <click>.

Farrah finally makes it out of the apartment.  There’s a car waiting for her, to take her to the airport.

Back in Iowa, Debra says to Sophia, “I’m happy now that my baby is here. (Debra does know Sophia came out of Farrah, right?) I was so lonesome without you.” Sophia says what sounds like, “Blah. Blah. Blah.”  Sophia is the MVP of the night.

Farrah returns from having her braces removed.  She is BEAMING.  Debra deadpans, “I don’t see that big of a difference.”  No positive words of encouragement for Farrah.  Doesn’t matter, it’s only a matter of time before Debra or Michael smack her teeth crooked again anyway.  (This is my husband’s hope for the final Teen Mom scene ever.  I don’t condone parents hitting their children, but I’m not opposed to locking Farrah in a room with an unmedicated Amber.)

Farrah goes on and on about Florida.  Debra invites herself to Florida to spend time with Farrah and baby.  Totally worth mentioning, a cuckoo clock chimes in the background.  Debra continues, she’s planning on staying until 3 days before Farrah starts school and she’s hoping to bring baby back to Iowa with her.  (I’m going to send “baby” a name tag.  My name is…. SOPHIA.)  This suggestion earns Debra death glares from Farrah.  Farrah and Sophia both say, “No!”  Debra pouts.

Farrah needs a break from baby-voice pout-face Debra, so she goes out to lunch with Michael. Farrah refers to Michael as “her dad” but only in her voice overs.  To his face, he’s still Michael.  Michael asks, “Do you feel you made a good move?”  Farrrah says, “Well, yeah, Michael.”  Michael asks, “Do you feel good about your single parent situation?”  Farrah goes off, “Michael, I feel great about it.  I’m happy to be independent, work hard, and have everything I want with no aggravation. Nobody telling me what to do and giving me any problems.”  Complete with eye rolls, of course.

Farrah and her family celebrate her recent birthday.  “Even though you’re only 20, I think you act about 25,” says the woman who talks like a 2 year old to the child/adult who forever acts like a 12 year old whose parents won’t let her go to the mall.  Farrah says, “I think I act way older than 25, Mom.”  Debra, “Since you’ve moved, you’ve grown up.” Farrah, “I have been grown up, Mom.”

Debra and Farrah – two extremely delusional individuals stuck in one very toxic relationship.

Amber And Gary Sitting In A Tree

Gary Shirley and Leah are wrapping up their visit with Amber.  Amber has a new counselor this week.  Her name is Laura.  Is JJ following his dreams to be a fashion model?

Amber tells Laura that she has this feeling inside of her that feels different.  I’d say that feeling is called sobriety, but I’m not fully convinced she’s sober.  Amber thinks she talks different too.  She’s less reactive.  She thinks a relationship with Gary would now work.

Amber plays with Leah for awhile, then she meets up with Gary.  Amber is pissed off at the courts for not allowing them all to be together at the same time.  Gary reminds her about her criminal court stuff.  She cannot screw up.  Amber says, “I’m not going to screw up!”

Gary and Amber talk to Laura. Gary says they’re together.  To prove his statement, he has his arm wrapped around Amber’s neck.  Amber feels she has changed. Gary gives her props just for being awake.  Talking about the vandalism to Amber’s house and car brings out Angry Amber.  Amber’s like, “So what if I hit a boy and have a bad attitude.  I’m a damn good mom.”  Therapist reminds Amber that kids can sense tension and stress.  She suggest Amebr and Gary keep any “parental discord” away from Leah.  Amber says, “It’s not like that no more.” The oh-so-wise Gary retorts, “We don’t know how it is anymore.”

Amber gives Leah a bath before she and Gary leave.  Leah is adorable.  Amber is missing out on a sweet little girl.

Next week on Teem Mom, Butch has bad news, Bentley goes to preschool, Amber is in trouble, and Farrah puts Debra in her place, telling her she’s responsible for Farrah’s messed up life.

TELL US –  ANY SURPRISES THIS WEEK?   

 

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