Welcome to the first live show of Big Brother 14. It’s day 13 for the hamsters, and, oh my gosh, has it been crazy in the Big Brother house!
But first… 12 brand new houseguests came into the house to begin the best summer of their lives and a surprise (not really) brought four legends – surely Big Brother meant to say, “3 legends, plus Britney” – into the house to coach the newbies on how to play the game. How in the world did anyone get through the game of Big Brother without Big Brother manipulating the game? Oh, yes, that’s right – just fine! Grrr.
The “3 legends, plus Britney” are Mike Boogie Malin, Janelle Pierzina, Dan Gheesling, and Britney Haynes. Team Britney won the first challenge, and Britney handed the first head of household over to Willie Hantz.
Willie nominated Kara (Team Dan) and Frank (Team Boogie) for eviction. Shane won the power of veto but did not use it.
Immediately following the PoV ceremony, the majority of the hamsters turn stupid.
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Willie’s reign as HoH was a comedy of errors. He definitely suffered from a case of the “too-s”. Too hard, too fast, too soon, too paranoid, too Hantz-ish. Also, too freaking funny! My favorite Willie quotes from this week:
Britney blames Willie for losing Ashley’s vote. He says, “But I got Ashley in the first place! If I hadn’t gotten her on our side, she wouldn’t have been ours to lose.”
“I’m going to be the first person in Big Brother history to knock someone out.”
“I’m a f**king grown-ass man. When I come in and get something to eat, I’m gonna f**king sit down there and eat some f**king food, Fruit Loops or whatever, cause that’s what I wanna do.”
Fruit loops! You are what you eat, right?
So, Shane is tight with Willie. That’s his second mistake on Big Brother. His first is insisting on wearing that shell necklace. Shane hopes he proves his allegiance to Willie by not using the PoV.
Kara cries a lot. Now that there’s no hope of coming off the block, she does the math
on her fingers. She needs five votes to stay. Her plan is to rely on all her new-found besties to keep her in the game. Has she ever seen Big Brother? There are no besties in Big Brother. (Unless you count the Friendship alliance, and I’d really rather pretend that never happened.) If I wanted to watch besties all getting along, I’d watch Strawberry Shortcake with my daughter.
Frank and Willie have an understanding – Kara is the target. Team Dan already lost one player (anyone remember Jodi?). Britney is hell bent on taking out a second member of Team Dan, because she’s playing her own game that – so far – only exists in Britney’s head. More on that later.
Frank wants to firm things up with Willie. Frank says to Willie, “I don’t trust anybody in this house as much as I trust you.” Frank knows you can trust a Hantz! Willie promises, “I’m telling you, I’m going to get you the votes this week. The only way to would stop is if you run around and start talking.”
At this point, Willie truly does want Frank to stay. He just needs to convince the others – Janelle, Britney, Shane, JoJo, Ashley, Joe, and Wil. They’re discussing their options in the HoH room. Shane takes this opportunity to size up his biceps. Wil offers nothing to the conversation by stating that Kara needs to go for the team and Frank needs to go for the individuals. Britney is afraid of Dan‘s magical power to mess with her brain.
Britney and Janelle formed an instant alliance. They spent much time hanging out in the HoH bathroom in their bikinis and constantly talking this game and that other game that takes place inside of Britney’s head. However, neither one is capable of getting along with another girl, so the Blondes Do Big Brother isn’t going as planned.
They broke up because they couldn’t agree on who to evict. Janelle wanted to keep Kara and Britney wanted to keep Frank. Before the end of the week, Britney wanted to keep Kara, and Janelle works to keep Frank, to take down Britney’s team.
Britney gets annoyed when Janelle talks game with Dan. Britney is positive that the four coaches will enter the game as players. She’s playing her entire game based on this assumption. What you didn’t see on CBS’s version of Big Brother – Britney talks to Boogie about this possibility. Boogie isn’t convinced. He gives Britney some coach-to-coach advice: You have to play this game, not a game that takes place in the future that may not even happen. Boogie might be a disgusting human being, but he can play this game and assess people/situations.
There’s not enough inside of Britney’s head to capture and hold onto this advice, so it’s soon lost. Since Britney lost Janelle as her confidant, she talks to Willie (Lane 2.0) about the twist. Britney tells him all about how she thinks the coaches will eventually be playing the game with everyone else. Willie says, “Well, this changes everything.” She tells Willie he cannot tell anyone.
Willie tells everyone. And, just in case he missed someone, he calls a “newbies only” house meeting.
The Newbie Uprising
Janelle, Dan, and Britney are all in the backyard, stressing. Boogie sleeps through it all.
Willie says, “We’re being flipped against each other by our coaches. We could change this game. Don’t allow y’all’s coach to make y’all’s decision for y’all. If y’all do, y’all are going to get bit at the end of this game. I promise y’all that.” Then he talks about the coaches possibly entering the game.
Joe warns him, “You’re playing too fast. You’re guessing what’s going to happen.”
Frank isn’t feeling too confident after this meeting, so he goes to talk to Willie alone. Britney interrupts. Willie is being his normal paranoid self, then he makes the mistake of mocking Wil’s announcement that he’s taking a 24-hour break from the game.
Frank takes this information back to Joe and Jenn. Now, I don’t know if Frank really believes Willie was making fun of Wil because he’s gay or if he’s putting his own twist on reality to purposely turn people against Willie. Personally, I don’t think Willie meant to come across as making fun of Wil’s sexuality. That’s just my opinion. And, nobody asked me for my opinion before they all jumped on the Willie hate train, so it’s a moot point.
Britney finds out what’s being said about Willie. She goes up to the HoH room and says to him, “I say this because I love you. You’re screwed!”
Willie finds Frank in the backyard. And then this happens:
“I’ve been trying to save your ass, then you’re gonna come sling my name in the dirt. And make me look like I’m a f**king idiot. This is getting bulls**t right here. I’m just done with it. I’m done with it. I’m done with it. I am so f**king done with this s**t. I am done with it. I hope you go home this week. I know I’m probably going home, but I want you to go home this week. You’re screwing yourself. If you would’ve just shut up like I told you a thousand times, I told you a thousand times just be quiet, you’re OK. And you kept on running your mouth. I’m not gonna be awkward. I’m a f**king grown-ass man. And when I come in and get something to eat, I’m gonna f**king sit down there and eat some f**king food, Fruit Loops or whatever, cuz that’s what I wanna do. And I’m gonna come out here and smoke and I don’t give a f**k who’s out here!”
Frank got some lines in there too, but the only one worth typing is,
“Eat your f**king Fruit Loops, I’m not worried about it.”
Frank is as cool as a cucumber. Willie is acting like a lunatic.
Willie doesn’t understand how he messed up with Frank. He truly thinks he did everything in his power to keep Frank safe. Willie obviously forgets how Frank ended up on the block to begin with! What a freaking fruit loop, indeed. And to think I was really digging him last week. As a non-Survivor watcher, I didn’t know what the big deal was over the Hantz guys. I stand corrected.
CBS didn’t even show the very best part of this entire fight. After it’s all said and done, Ian walks outside, acts as if nothing happened, and deadpans, “So, I’m gonna make a DiGiorno. Would anyone want to split it?”
Julie Chen talks to the houseguests. She asks Wil and Ashley to describe the past 13 days with one word. Wil, looking fabulous in his sheer blue shirt with gaping button holes, says, “Oh goodness!” That’s two words.
Ashley says, “Loosey goosey.” That’s also two words.
Votes to Evict:
Danielle – Frank
Shane – Frank
Joe – Kara
Ian – Kara
JoJo – Frank
Jenn – Kara
Wil – Kara
Ashley – Kara
With all the craziness during the week, the vote came down to Ashley. Ashley is playing everyone. She pretends she’s dumber than dirt, but I have a feeling she is outsmarting everyone. She’s a sly one.
KARA IS EVICTED.
Hugs for everyone. Wil cries. Facing Kara, Ashley is sporting an ugly cry face. As Ashley turns around, it disappears.
Kara talks to Julie about how shy she is. Nevermind that she’s a Playboy Playmate.
Joe‘s goodbye message goes something like this, “You got the looks but you ain’t got the game. Get in the mud, roll in the sand, go deep. You look good. Go back to modeling.”
Shane‘s goodbye message goes something like this, “I’m sad to see you go. I’m going to miss those long legs. Your legs are very welcoming. Good luck. Again, I’m going to miss your legs.”
Obviously, Kara made a huge impact on the house in those 13 days.
The night before the competition, the houseguests are woken up all through the night for BB TV Breaking News. There’s a cat burglar in the house causing a ruckus. We learn – Ian sleeps with a stuffed animal on his face. Stuffy even comes to the living room with him to watch the news. Britney looks rough in the middle of the night. Ashley takes the HoH competition so seriously she watches the breaking news with her eyes closed.
The competition is questions about what the cat burglar did while he was in the house. Is he guilty or not guilty? Willie and the coaches cannot compete.
1st question – Everyone gets it right.
2nd question – Shane gets it wrong.
3rd question – Jenn, JoJo, Danielle, Joe, and Ashley get it wrong. Are you kidding me?
Only Wil and Frank are left. How’s that feel, Willie?
They both get a question wrong, then they both get a question right. The final question, Frank answers it right. Wil is out.
FRANK IS THE NEW HOH.
Willie looks at Britney like, “Oh, crap.”
Booger and Booger Jr. dance around the backyard, celebrating Booger Jr.’s win. Willie leaves the backyard, probably in search of some Fruit Loops. Britney just stands there with her hands on her hips.
Twist for the Coaches
The coach who wins the next Coaches Competition gets to choose between keeping one of their players safe or trading one of their players for anyone else but the HoH.
BIG BROTHER FANS! WHO WILL FRANK NOMINATE?
LIKE LAST WEEK, I’LL BRING YOU THE SPOILER SCOOP IN A FEW DAYS – THE NOMINATIONS, THE POV WINNER, THE MOOD IN THE HOUSE!