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The Hollywood Exes are off to Palm Springs. Sheree Fletcher takes Jessica Canseco and Nicole Murphy swimsuit shopping. She surprises them with her great idea to get away to Palm Springs. She’s hoping for bonding time and relaxation. Nicole picks out a purple bikini for Mayte Garcia. Sheree and Jessica remind her purple is forbidden. Mayte is “not allowed” to wear purple. Sheree calls Mayte on the phone to tell her about the trip and the bikini. Nicole says about the purple, “Girl, do not run from it! The more you fight it, the worse it gets. Embrace the purple rain around you.” It does seem a bit silly.

The house Sheree rented used to belong to Bing Crosby. It’s also rumored to be where JFK and Marilyn Monroe got together. Andrea Kelly says, “Sheree did very well finding this house. It’s absolutely beautiful. She should of looked on the map though a little bit longer because this house is in the middle of no-damn-where!” After a tour of the house, Jessica suggests cocktails. Sheree prays first. Jessica says, “It’s hot as balls out here. I just want to have a drink. And Sheree wants to make a prayer session out of this.” Prayer is done, drinks are poured, and the women are heading out to the pool. Unfortunately, on their way outside, they discover a cockroach in the house. Sheree takes off. Jessica picks it up. Nicole tells her to flush it. Instead, Jessica carries it outside. Nicole is like, why did you do that?!? Jessica says she cannot kill a living thing. This sets the tone for the entire weekend.

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Sheree tells everyone they’re going to Circa 59 for dinner. She says, “So there will be chops and meats but vegetarian entrees as well.” Sheree looks directly at Jessica when she says “chops and meats.” Sheree says to Nicole, “I’m going to get the lamb. You going to get the veal?” Nicole simply says she’s going to get “something.”  Jessica says, “If anybody orders lamb, I swear I’m going to shove that lamb chop up their ass. If she [gestures towards Sheree] orders veal, I’m not talking to her for the rest of the night.” Sheree goes off about needing to eat meat. Her body needs meat, the iron, etc. They argue a little, then Sheree tells Jessica, “Get your mind right.” Jessica says, “I’m going to wear a shirt that says do not pray.”

Sheree says to the camera, “If you have a shirt on that could possibly be offensive to me, maybe you shouldn’t wear it. I won’t eat veal if it offends you. That’s just common courtesy.” I have a feeling this a standing disagreement between some of the women. It started too fast and furious, in my opinion, to be the first time it’s come up. Not to mention the way Sheree looked directly at Jessica when she mentioned the meat. If she knows it’s a hot topic and she says she won’t eat it, as to not offend Jessica, why bring up lamb and veal specifically? Sheree and Jessica argue over what the Bible says about eating meat. Jessica tells Sheree she’s a hypocrite.

Moving on to dinner, Sheree puts a piece of bread in her mouth before she prays. The women catch her. Sheree plays it off as no big deal, saying she doesn’t always pray over the bread. Out of nowhere, the subject of sex and lubrication comes up. The conversation goes from praying, to animal cruelty, to praying, to sex in what seems like seconds.  It’s crazy.  They’re talking about using olive oil and coconut oil in the bedroom… Sheree mentions her branded product Whoop Ash. They’re laughing and having fun.

When it’s time to order, Sheree flippantly asks Nicole if she saw the pate on the menu. Nicole doesn’t say anything. Jessica starts her lecture about pate. Nicole seems to keep quiet at the table. She does tell the camera that since she’s an adult, she’ll eat whatever she wants. I honestly can’t get a read on Sheree. There are so many ways to take this. One, Nicole is a grown woman, she can read the menu herself. Did Sheree purposely bring it up, again, simply to annoy Jessica? Or, if Sheree wants to talk about it, she shouldn’t have to think beforehand how Jessica will take it? I can’t figure out if Sheree has an agenda here – purposely pushing Jessica’s buttons – or if she just wants to talk about and eat her meat in peace and Jessica is being overly sensitive and argumentative. What do you think?

The food is served and Jessica eats crab cakes. Uh oh. Nicole asks her why crab is okay. Jessica reasons that crabs are not mammals and do not have feelings. They’re not thinking, reasoning, rationalizing creatures.  Sheree is annoyed. She says, “I know this girl is not so blonde to think that crabs grow on trees.” Andrea is a vegan – she sides with Nicole. If looks could kill, Sheree would have taken out Jessica on the spot.

Hollywood Exes Stars Say Real Housewives Doesn’t Empower Women

The next day, Sheree, Mayte, and Andrea go shopping. Jessica and Nicole stay at the house to swim and sunbathe. And drink. Oh my goodness, do they drink! They’re downing the mojitos and wondering if Andrea and R. Kelly had sex to his music.

Shopping looks like fun, but I’d totally be at the pool with Nicole and Jessica.  Andrea, Sheree, and Mayte model different outfits at a vintage clothing store. When Mayte comes out of the dressing room, I think, where has she been this entire episode? Besides that initial phone call from Sheree, has she said a word? She looks miserable.

Andrea comes out of the dressing room in a white tennis outfit. She doesn’t really look like the tennis type. Sheree puts on a body-hugging black dress that she picked out as soon as they got to the store. The dress flatters her figure, for sure. Sheree doesn’t like it, as it’s showing too much boobs and booty. She says, “I don’t think the Pastor is going to like this very much.” I don’t know.  I think behind closed doors, he’d like it very much. She looks hot! I don’t think anything could have prepared Sheree for what happened next. Andrea walks out of the dressing room cupping her breasts and wearing nothing but tennis panties, dancing a little dance. Andrea says they look like grown people diapers with lace sewn on. She’s hilarious and makes for funny TV, but I sure hope that dressing area was private. If I worked at that store, I would have been mortified.

Mayte, Sheree, and Andrea go grocery shopping. Mayte decides to bring live lobsters back to the house to prove a point to Jessica. Andrea thinks it’s hilarious – she’s totally on board. The store clerk boxes up two lobsters. They all get boo-boo faces looking at cute lobsters. Mayte says, “See, he does have feelings.” Sheree says, “He does. He’s going to be good for dinner though.”

Back at the house, Nicole and Jessica are officially drunk. Jessica is further gone than Nicole. Jessica’s topless, and they’re both dancing in the yard. Nicole does a cartwheel. Jessica says, “That’s all you got?” Then she does cartwheel and several back flips. Holy cow! (umm, no pun intended) Even sober, I couldn’t do that. Jessica tries to teach Nicole how to do a back flip. She drops Nicole on her face. They both fall to the ground, laughing. So funny. Nicole wonders what’s taking the other girls so long. Jessica says, “They are so boring!” And then she passes out on the lounge chair.

Andrea, Mayte, and Sheree return and sneak the lobsters into the bathtub. Next, they join Nicole and Jessica in the backyard. They see how drunk Jessica is. Sheree says, “The girls were gone. Jess should be the poster child for just say no.” Andrea says, “Curtains, baby, it is over for her.”

Mayte tells Nicole about the amazing shop they went to, saying she bought a pair of shoes and a necklace. Jessica says, “You did not!” Then she tells them they’re boring. She points to Andrea and Mayte, saying they’re not. Then she points at Sheree, saying she’s boring. Sheree is annoyed. They’re all over Jessica’s drunk-off-her-a** attitude at this point. Sheree chides, “Because my behind aint laid out on a lawn chair tore up, I’m boring.”

Mayte brought a hookah to the house. Mayte and Andrea are enjoying the hookah. Sheree is yelling from the kitchen for Andrea to get in the kitchen and do the greens. Andrea yells back, “I’m hookah-ing, honey.” Nicole makes a joke about Andrea hookah-ing on the street corner. Sheree isn’t happy in the kitchen. She says, “Well, pardon me. Maybe I should put my cooking on hold until Drea is done with her hookah session.”

Nicole, Mayte, and Andrea talk about Percy and R. Kelly. Andrea tells them about her wedding to R. Kelly. Sheree comes out and says, “You all have to fill me in. Pardon me that I missed most of the conversation, but I was in the kitchen over a hot stove.” Obviously a dig on Andrea, but, once again, I can’t tell if she’s really that self-righteous or if she’s trying to be funny. Mayte tells Nicole about the lobsters. She says she loves animals and supports PETA, but she does eat animal product. Mayte explains that she lost a baby due to a partial molar pregnancy. She eats animal products now because her vegan diet contributed to the loss.

Jessica wakes up from her nap and finds out about the lobsters. Jessica doesn’t understand why they’d purposely bring lobsters home. Mayte looks pleased. Andrea asks Jessica, “Do you believe there’s a hierarchy of the importance of life?” Jessica says yes. Andrea continues, “When you end something’s life to benefit you, how is that humane in any way?” Jessica says, “It’s not.” Andrea says, “I’m just getting a better understanding of you, so I can educate myself also. So many people that are out here picketing and saying what they feel. You’re saying I won’t eat veal and I won’t eat this, but they’ll go abort a baby.” The mood changes instantly.

Apparently, Jessica told the others about an abortion she had. She asked them to not talk about it on camera.  Jessica is crushed. Nicole thinks they were all getting jabs in, ganging up on Jessica. I do feel bad for Jessica at this point. Bringing up the abortion on camera, no matter if Andrea’s point is valid or not, was a low blow. Especially if they agreed not to talk about it.

Sheree starts talking about being a hypocrite. Jessica tells her not to start, because when Sheree isn’t on camera she’s a different person. For one, on camera, Sheree only drinks wine and preaches the evils of hard liquor. Off camera, she’ll drink a mixed drink. Sheree gets in Jessica’s face, pointing a finger at her, yelling about Jessica’s abortion. She says, “You aborted a pregnancy but yet you set a cockroach outside. That’s crazy.” They’re in each other’s face. Sheree just keeps repeating “you shouldn’t of said it.” Jessica’s repeating “don’t go there.” Jessica walks away from the argument. Sheree waves and says, “Bye!”

Nicole offers her support to Jessica. Jessica thinks Sheree went too far. Sheree, Mayte, and Andrea sit and talk about everything. Sheree is preaching about turning her cheek being a position of power, not a punk move. Andrea quotes the Bible and says, “Check your email!” Mayte breaks the news – the lobsters died in the bathtub.

Jessica comes out of her room for dinner. Sheree doesn’t want to share her mac and cheese. Sheree asks Jessica, “Are you sorry you offended me?” Jessica says, “I’m not talking to you.” Sheree says Jessica’s being childish, still in victim mode. Jessica thanks Sheree for making dinner. The subject of church comes up. Sheree says she’s going to be there this Sunday and Jessica mutters she should. Sheree and Jessica bicker back and forth. Andrea says, “Jessica don’t know when to leave well enough alone. Maybe she’d like hot macaroni on the forehead and a piping hot fork in the throat.” Wow. Check your email, Andrea gets serious when she’s annoyed.

Jessica leaves the room, saying she’s not going to pretend nothing happened. Sheree thinks it’s best that she left. Jessica packs her bags to leave.

The line was clearly drawn tonight. Jessica vs. Sheree, with Mayte and Andrea in Sheree’s camp. Nicole mostly stayed quiet and remained neutral, offering her support where needed. Nicole is one classy lady. By far, she’s my favorite person on the show.

WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON – JESSICA OR SHEREE?

Photo credit: VH1

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