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O. M. G. Oh. Em. Gee.  OMG, OMG, OMG.  I thought I’d heard it all when I learned that RHONJ’s Teresa Giudice would be “hosting” her own cruise.  Imagine my shock when I find out that Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ Taylor Armstrong has also secured her own vacation destination…if that destination is a ship that sets sail for the warmer weather.  So, let me get this straight…when your reality television fan base retreats, the next best thing is to host a week long party on an ocean liner?  Consider me schooled.

Taylor is the newest housewife to dig her claws into the cruise ship craze.  Wait, can I actually call it a ‘craze’ given that Teresa is the only other housewife from Bravo’s franchise to venture into these uncharted marketing waters?  When did a meet and greet not become enough?  Seriously?  Who is so narcissistic that they think their fans will pay out the wazoo to vacay with them on a ship when the chances of actually seeing them are slim to none?  I don’t know…but I’ll be right back, because I am totally booking this shiz RIGHT NOW for entertainment’s sake.  Wait, does that make me part of the problem?

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Well, let’s applaud Taylor for making her cruise be about personal development. #sarcasm.  USA Today reports that the Beverly Hills clinger’s vacation is being touted as Living Well and Loving It! Mexican Riviera Cruise.  Who doesn’t love a theme?  Taylor cites that her voyage is going to be all about wellness, fitness, self-esteem, and enhancing relationships.  What?  No booze?  Where do I sign up?

The controversial reality television star says, “It’s going to be about getting in physical shape and emotional shape and about empowering people.”  And who wouldn’t be empowered traveling to Cabo San Lucas, Mazatlan and Puerto Vallarta?

Forget about bocci on the lido deck, Taylor wants to make this cruise a total self-transformation experience.  She reveals, “I’m really learning how to build my own self esteem,” says Armstrong, who has spoken out over the past year about being abused by late husband Russell Armstrong. She reminds us, “I allowed myself to get into unhealthy relationships.”

If you’re worried that you may come undone in the midst of all of this self-help, fear not!  Taylor’s personal psychiatrist Charles Sophy will be along for the ride to help fellow revelers in any relationship issues they may be experiencing.  Taylor also plans to stock the boat with fitness and health experts to aid her vacationing fans.  It that’s not enough to convince you to sign up for the cruise, she’ll also be reading from her bestselling book Hiding from Reality.  If you get on board (God, I love a pun!) early enough, you’ll receive a personally autographed copy of her tome.

Don’t plan on Taylor being available for the entire trip, as she has some training to do.  The starlet is working hard to prepare for a 100-mile cycling trek which raises awareness for a very important cause (take note, this is the only not snarky sentence in this post!) of domestic violence.  Her young daughter Kennedy will also be along for the wild ride if you’re interested in making lanyards and drinking bug juice (you all surely went to family camp, right?).  Fear not, as Taylor’s mother will be there every step of the way to baby-sit.

Taylor states, “I’ll be working out with (participants) … and talking about my own personal experiences.”

Book your trip now, as Taylor sets sail/motorboats (insert inappropriate joke here) on March 2nd, 2013 from San Diego.  Dear readers, I think I may need to go for journalistic sake.  Donations?  :)  You’ve all got a grand to spare, right?

TELL US-WILL YOU BE VYING FOR A SPOT ON TAYLOR’S CRUISE?  DID YOU SPEND ALL OF YOUR MONEY ON TERESA’S VACAY? WHEN DID VACATIONING WITH A HOUSEWIFE BECOME THE NORM??

 

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