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What can I say about last night’s Mob Wives Chicago?  There was a lot of bleeping, that’s for sure!  These ladies are constantly saying they want to have civil, non-confrontational discussions, but if a string of cuss words and screaming at the top of of their lungs is civil, I’d hate to see uncivil.  Oh wait, that was two weeks ago…Regardless, the entire episode was dramastically entertaining (see what I did there? ;))!

Renee Fecarotta Russo‘s daughter Giana comes over to discuss Giana’s recent trip to visit her father in prison.  Renee is concerned about what the pair could have discussed.  Giana tells her mother that her parents have too totally different stories about how they acted in the past.  Giana doesn’t know who to believe.  Her mother tells her that her father was a deadbeat who never made any attempt at a relationship with her, while her father tells her that Renee did everything in her power to keep the two apart, including threatening to call the cops on him.  Renee tells Giana that her dad is lying, but her facial expressions seem to tell another story.  Renee claims that she may have kept things from her daughter to protect her, but she never lies to him.  Giana doesn’t want to hear it, and when Renee accuses her ex of lying about having cancer, Giana can’t even handle the conversation. Renee plans to figure out why her ex is trying to sabotage her relationship with Giana.

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Christina Scoleri is still living with her ex-husband Joe.  While she thinks Joe can be a bit irritating as a roommate, Christina thinks that it’s far less drama than being with her girlfriends.  The pair argue over who their daughter will live with once Christina can financially afford to move out on her own.  They act like an old married couple, which they could have been one day down the road…

Pia Rizza invites Leah Disimone and Renee to join her for yoga.  I’ll give it to Pia–she certainly gives people second chances, although all she seems to have in common with Renee is their disdain for Nora Schweihs.  Pia wants the ladies to get rid of all of their negativity.  It’s apparent that Leah has never done yoga before.  After their session, Renee tells Leah that while she’d really like to be a part of the breast cancer walk supporting her mom, she just can’t stomach being around Nora.  Um, newsflash!  It’s not about you, Renee!  Nor is it about Nora–it’s about Leah’s mom!  Geez Louise.  Leah, of course, understands, but she reveals that Nora stands by what she’s said.  Renee goes on a swearing rant accusing Leah of playing both sides.  Leah, the only voice of reason, wishes the women could just let it go.   I have a big issue with Renee not going to the walk because of Nora.  She should be supporting her friend’s mother regardless.  Everyone can suck it up for a few miles of do-gooding.

Renee and her brother Frankie go to lunch so she can vent about all the drama in her life.  She thinks that her boyfriend Dave is taking advantage of her in her professional life.  Frankie tells Renee that he’ll have her back, but Renee wants to have a peaceful discussion with her beau about their eyeglasses shop.  She worries that Frankie may be too intense to approach Dave.  Um, you think?  He reminds me a bit of James Franco though, so I’m torn.  He could potentially be my new favorite fixture.

Leah and Nora meet for lunch.  Leah feels badly that Nora seems to have everyone against her.  They discuss parents having cancer, and how their fathers are/were their best friends.  It’s a serious conversation, but to me, it’s a battle of the accents.  It’s like a SNL skit!  Leah thinks that Nora’s decision to exhume her father is a bit dramatic, but she understands where she’s coming from in wanting to have peace.  I wish there was an app that would allow me to call up my friends and have Leah’s accent.  It’s phenomenal…and no matter how I practice it, I fail miserably.

Pia is glad to have finally buried the hatchet with Renee, although if she asked Renee flat out, I’d bet she’d learn that Renee still thinks she’s better than someone who works as a stripper.  The duo is going shopping for bathing suits.  Renee tries to stir the pot about Leah speaking with Nora, but Pia won’t bite.  However, Pia tries to do the same with Christina.  She can’t believe that Christina thinks she orchestrated Renee texting Nora from her phone.  Renee admits that she truly does like Pia, and she shouldn’t have judged her on everything she’d heard before meeting her.  I’ll give it to both ladies…they certainly have some rocking bodies, even if it’s a lot of silicone.  When the ladies go to pay, several of Renee’s cards are declined.  She is livid…she and Dave have joint accounts, so he is the only one who could cancel the cards.

Christina and Leah are wearing their highest platforms to go hit golf balls at the driving range.  Leah has also invited Renee and Pia in hopes to clear up any tension among the ladies before the walk.  I think it’s safe to say that none of the women will be joining the ladies’ PGA tour.  They quickly trade clubs for cocktails.  Christina asks about the status of the breast cancer walk, and Leah explains that her mom doesn’t want them to wear the t-shirts they made.  Renee says she hopes that Nora won’t be a loose cannon at the walk.  Renee says never runs off at the mouth.  I hate that Pia and Christina’s friendship has been so damaged.  Next Renee and Christina get into it, and Pia wishes they would both build a bridge and get over it.  Good gracious, who gives two flips about cellphone-gate anymore?  Leah is way over playing referee.  Meanwhile, Nora calls her friend Julie with the news that her sister has agreed to allow their father’s body to be exhumed.  Julie agrees to come to Chicago for the exhumation and the autopsy.

It’s happy hour for Nora and Christina, and Christina fills her in on their curse-filled cocktail time after golf.  Nora wishes she’d broken Renee’s finger when she had the chance.  Eh…I think Renee could probably have flipped Nora with said finger in the event she attempted to break it.  She’s not really  that agile in the art of girl fights from what I’ve seen on this season.  She needs a couple classes of hair-pulling 101 and some slaptastic electives before she should threaten broken bones.  Christina is just thrilled that her relationship with Nora has changed “dramastically.”  I am going to start using that term every day.  Nora discusses her wine and repeats her line about the wine being her dad running through her veins.  Christina thanks Nora for now equating wine with dead people.  Christina took the words right out of my mouth!

Pia meets with a life coach, and the life coach says she can get Pia into the modeling industry.  She’d be great for bathing suits!  Whoa, Nelly!  Pia doesn’t want to leave stripping just to be pigeon-holed into flaunting her body.  Good for Pia…not for getting out of dancing or even refusing to compromise with modeling, but for finally taking her life in her own hands.  Even though she has a foul mouth (but, let’s be honest, who on this show doesn’t?), I think she has a good heart–way, way under those ginormous breasts!

Renee is meeting Dave for dinner to have a hear-to-heart about both their personal and professional relationships.  Unfortunately, Dave plays the immature card and never shows.  He won’t answer her calls.  Renee is done trying to be civil after looking like she got stood up to the other patrons.  I can’t say I blame her.  The following day, Renee walks into her shop to find that the cops are there.  Dave has called the police because Frankie refuses to leave the store.  Renee reveals that she asked Frankie to come to the store after Dave stood her up the previous night.  Dave explains to the officers that he doesn’t feel safe with Frankie.  The cops tell Frankie that he can’t be in the store when Dave is there.  Dave leaves, allowing Frankie to enter the premises.  Frankie hopes that Dave is always worried that he could show up at any time, but Renee doesn’t want any more confrontation in her life…unless it’s with her ex.  Back at home, Renee is expecting a call from Giana’s father.  Renee wants him to tell Giana that he was a lying deadbeat, and they get into a swearing argument that has a lot of Wizard of Oz references.  Before they can resolve anything, time is up on the phone call.

Next week, Leah gets upset when Pia and Renee don’t walk with the rest of their group during the breast cancer charity walk.  Pia does a lingerie photo shoot (because that’s classier than swimwear?), and she and Nora have another face-off.

WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE?  WHICH LADY IS THE LOOSEST CANNON?  FIVE-WAY TIE?

[Photo Credit: VH1]

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