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Last week on Teen MomTyler Baltierra and Catelynn Lowell decided they need time off from school, Maci Bookout tweeted she wants to live happily ever after with Ryan Edwards – for Bentley’s sake, of course,  Farrah Abraham got dumped in Texas, and Amber Portwood cried – a lot.

Catelynn and Tyler 

Tyler visits his mom. Kim shares that she is considering counseling. She’s feeling “held back” from seeing Carly. She says, “I knew Carly would go and live and out of state, but I thought they [Brandon and Theresa] would be more open to letting me go see her [Carly].” Kim says she’s running out of patience. I feel for Kim, but she does realize Brandon and Theresa aren’t babysitting Carly, right?

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Tyler and Catelynn discuss how Kim is feeling. Tyler suggests they all talk to Dawn – Tyler, Catelynn, Kim, and April. Catelynn reminds Tyler that April hates Dawn.

Tyler, Catelynn, and April meet for lunch. Catelynn wants to see if April is open to talking to Dawn. We learn that April has been clean for 30 days, going on 60. Catelynn and Tyler use Butch to bring up Carly. Catelynn asks her mom how she feels about the adoption these days. April explains that it doesn’t consume her daily thoughts, but she does have moments [of sadness, anger, etc.]. Tyler tells April about how his mom thought she’d be able to see Carly by now. April simply says, “She’s not ours.”

April completely understands. Scary when April is the voice of reason.

April owns up to being nasty to Dawn in the past, but she’s willing to participate in the group counseling session.

They all meet with Dawn. Kim is pissed off because she can’t see Carly. Dawn tries to explain that Brandon and Teresa’s comfort level stops with Tyler and Catelynn. Grandparents being directly involved in Carly’s life isn’t part of the deal. Dawn explains, if Brandon and Teresa invite communication from the grandparents, then it’ll be the aunts and uncles, then the cousins, then the mailman, then the crackhead on fourth street, etc. April completely understands. She realizes that getting emails and pictures from the crackhead on fourth street might overwhelm Brandon and Theresa.

Dawn asks April how she’s feeling these days. April explains that she regrets how she acted then and she wishes she could apologize. April would like to write a letter of apology to Brandon and Teresa. I think that’s a good idea. I imagine it’ll be therapeutic for April and much appreciated by Brandon and Teresa.  Dawn tells both April and Kim that they’re free to send Brandon and Teresa updates (letters and pictures) about themselves. Yes, I’m sure they’re just dying for pictures from them… here’s Kim’s new hair, here’s the hole in the wall from April’s head, here’s Butch being a lawyer. Yay grandparents!

Teen Mom’s Catelynn Lowell Wants to Adopt Younger Brother, Plus Farrah Abraham’s New Music VIDEO!

Maci 

It’s Bentley‘s birthday. Maci and Ryan previously decided they were doing separate birthdays. Maci has Bentley on Wednesday. Ryan has Bentley on Thursday (his actual birthday). Maci plans on taking Bentley to Pump It Up on her day. Kyle King asks Maci if they’re going to see Bentley on his birthday, and then he says he wishes Ryan’s parents would come to “their” party at Pump It Up. Somebody doesn’t understand the definition of separate. Maci wonders, is it better for everyone to be together and tense or to be separate and happy?

Maci and Kyle decide to leave it up to Bentley. Maci puts the idea in Bentley’s head that he should invite Ryan and his family to Pump It Up, and she has Bentley call everyone with the invite. Maci tells Kyle that she doesn’t think Ryan will come… and Ryan will disappoint Bentley. Changing the plans last minute was wrong. Putting the idea in Bentley’s head that he could invite them, without Maci first seeing if they were free and open to the idea, was low. Maci set Bentley up to for disappointment.

It’s the morning of Bentley’s Pump It Up party. Just as Maci is telling Kyle that Ryan hasn’t called back, Ryan calls. Maci answers and immediately gives the phone to Bentley. Bentley tells Ryan about the party… Maci is coaching him on what to say… Ryan just says he’ll “see what he can do.” Shortly after, Ryan texts Maci, telling her he isn’t coming to Pump It Up. At Pump It Up, Maci’s mom says to Maci, “I thought Ryan was coming.” Maci says, “Nope. He called Bentley, said he was coming, and then texted me that he wasn’t coming.”

Bentley is 3, so he has a great time at Pump It Up. Maci pouts.

Ryan and a dark-haired Dalis talk to Ryan’s parents before they pick up Bentley. Ryan’s mom asks about Pump It Up, as she was under the impression Maci and Ryan were planning separate parties. Ryan says, “We did. I wish she would have called me, so I could have told her I didn’t want to do that before Bentley got his hopes up.”

When Ryan picks up Bentley, he asks Maci why she had Bentley call him like she did. Maci says, “Because he asked me to.” Ryan asks, “Don’t you think you should have talked to me first?” They argue. Ryan’s making a lot of sense. Maci’s talking in circles. Typical Ryan, he calls Maci f***ing stupid, and that’s how it ends.

My personal opinion: Maci is so caught up in her own selfish drama that Bentley will forever be a pawn in her little games. Ryan saw right through Maci’s “poor Bentley” act and called her on it. Maci’s punishing Ryan (at Bentley’s expense) because he doesn’t lover her.

Jenelle Evans This Week: Naked, Vomiting, And Seeking Custody

Farrah 

Farrah is back in Florida, sans Daniel. Farrah tells Debra her version of what happened in Texas. According to Farrah, everything between Farrah and Daniel was perfectly fine. Then, out of the blue, Daniel was walking around and ignoring Farrah. He was even “on his phone, looking angry.” Debra, the queen of crazy a** violence against love ones, decides, “That’s a bad sign. That’s an anger management situation right there.”

Farrah says, “I don’t know why somebody would want me to come on a trip with him, invite me to meet his parents, act like everything is perfect, and then the last night we were there…” and then Farrah and Debra just talk over each other… kind of sounds like this: Farrah, you’re special. I know, Mom. Farrah, don’t let that bad man back into your life. That’s hard to do, Mom. When I’m done, I’m done. Farrah, the good news is, it’s over and done with. (like she had a cavity filled) Everyone cheers, everyone is happy.

What a weird family.

Farrah spends time with Sophia before she goes to Iowa with Debra. Farrah brings Sophia and Stitchy-poo to a park. There’s a big sign outside of the park that reads No Dogs Allowed. Of course, Farrah is above rules, so she doesn’t care. She even thinks anyone who has the audacity to tell her “no dog” is a bitch. Farrah says to her toddler, “I’m sure someone is going to be a bitch and tell me I can’t have a dog here, so I’ll just pick up this mut now.”  Who needs preschool? All by herself, Farrah just taught Sophia a great new word and that rules don’t matter.

Farrah and Sophia play restaurant at the park. This is probably the closest Farrah will get to ever owning a restaurant. Farrah tells Sophia that she’s going to Iowa for a month so Mommy can learn how to make margaritas. Sophia’s like, whatever, bitch. I’m going to go play.

Farrah and Sophia cuddle up for bed, Sophia smacks Farrah in the face, Farrah laughs at her, and they go to sleep together for the last time for a month.

The next morning, Farrah and Farrah’s butt cheeks bring Debra and Sophia to the airport. Seriously – what is up with Farrah’s behind? Was there a special when she got her boobs… buy a pair of boobs, get a free booty.

Farrah sends her baby away for a month. She never sheds a tear. Poor Farrah doesn’t even get to play with her new boy toy while Sophia’s away.

Amber and Gary

First, Amber has a new hat. Enough said.

Second,  Gary Shirley calls Amber, suggesting they set some “ground rules.” Amber thinks he’s a fool, but she agrees. Amber is seeing Gary’s new house for the first time. Amber is horrified because Leah’s room is painted beige, because, you know, that is going to really mess up her life. Next, Gary wants a hot tub in the back yard. Amber judges Gary for wanting a hot tub for himself before  a swing set for Leah. Then, after a spider attacks Gary’s head, Gary talks to Amber about Leah’s daycare.

Gary tells Amber the little kids will play restaurant. Amber is spaced out. He points to the paper and says, “See, it says right here.” Amber slowly turns her head.. tries to focus on the paper.. Gary tells Amber the daycare costs $800 a month. Whoa! Amber brings out the ugly face and shrieks, “WHAT?!? I can’t afford $400.” Gary says, “You can.” Amber says, “I can’t. I have a car payment and a house payment.” Ah, see, this is where I have issues with her passing judgement on Gary about the beige room and hot tub. Amber chooses to drive a $50,000 (at least) car and chooses to rent a mini mansion. Amber’s living the high life (no pun intended), so she cannot afford $400 a month to help pay for Leah’s school.

Amber spends time with Leah after daycare. When it’s bedtime, Amber brings Leah to Gary’s house, because of the “vandalism.”  Dear MTV, please stop suggesting Amber isn’t able to have Leah because of vandalism. Leah cannot spend the night because Amber has rage issues and has been charged with domestic violence against Gary. Leah is exhausted and completely melts down when Amber goes to leave. Amber hugs Leah goodbye, Leah begs, “Please wait.”

It’s already so sad, and then Leah says to Amber, “I need you.” Amber leaves. Leah screams.

The next day, Amber and Gary talk about custody. Amber doesn’t understand how Child Protection Services thinks the no contact order is healthy for their family. If Gary has custody of Leah, the no contact order is dropped and CPS is out of the picture. The plan is for Gary to have custody of Leah, and then he’ll “share” her with Amber. And, holy hell, they come to this decision like civil adults. Amber must have taken her meds that morning and Gary must have had a belly full of McDonalds.

Amber’s mom wants to visit Amber. Luckily, everyone knows where to find Amber – on her couch. Despite her slurring words, Tonya manages to piss off Amber. Amber shows Tonya the house she looked at and mentions it’s closer to Leah. Tonya says, “To Leah?” She’s got quite the “yeah, sure, you fool” tone to her voice. Tonya tells Amber she’s looking into a family attorney for Amber. Amber doesn’t understand – Gary is going to get custody of Leah, CPS will be out of the picture, and Gary will let Amber see Leah whenever she wants. Case closed.

Amber says, “I don’t care if a piece of paper says Gary has custody of Leah, he would never keep her from me.” Then, “Okay, he did for a couple of days, but now things are going smooth.” Tonya slurs, “In the vrong vrun, I dent want him gutting bitter wiff you…”

Amber is getting angry.  She tells Tonya, “It’s none of you guy’s damn business!” Tonya says, “It is my business. You’re my daughter and that’s my granddaughter.” They yell some more. Amber finally says, “What I need is for you people to be in my corner telling me what I want to hear.” Tonya’s like, I’m not your “people,” I’m your mother. Amber calls her dramatic. (Pot, Kettle. Kettle, Pot.) Tonya leaves. Amber leans back and holds her head.

Gary picks up Leah from daycare, lies down in the driver’s seat, and call Amber. He says, “Guess what I just did.” She says, “Ran a marathon? What?” Gary tells her he picked up Leah, Amber asks about Leah’s day, Gary misunderstands. Then, Gary tells Amber she sounds like a water buffalo. Amber and Gary are having another civil conversation… then Gary tells Amber she needs to get her s**t together. Amber’s like, what are you talking about? Gary says, “You need to get your being depressed under control.” Amber freaks. Gary’s like, you weren’t depressed? (Remember, she went to Paradise rehab because she was talking about suicide.) Amber yells, “This is the thing! You and my whole family did not go to rehab for two f***ing months! OMG! You guys did not go to gel (jail), you guys did not do anything. I have done everything. You’re blaming everything on me.” Amber acts as if she made some huge sacrifice for the sake of her family.

Gary hangs up his phone. Amber leans back and holds her head.

Next week is the very last Teen Mom. On the series finale, Ryan is taking Maci to court, Catelynn and Tyler discuss Carly’s adoption (never saw that one coming), and something gets in the way of Amber and Gary’s truce. Also, does Sophia tell Farrah she’s a bad person? Get the popcorn and tissues, my friends, this is going to be a wild ride.

TEAM MACI OR TEAM RYAN? 

Happy Birthday, Bentley!

Photo credit: MTV

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