Last night was the hour-long season finale of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, which means it was 60 whole long minits (57 if you do math like Mama does) of kuntry-kussin and hollerin! Anna finally had Kaitlyn, Honey brought the sass in a last-minute pageant, and freaking gnats drove everyone waving, slapping, shushing, cussing, flapping crazy.
So it all started out innocently enough. Mama had the grand idear of doing a famlee photo shoot in 100 degree heat down by the boat water. So they all trundle down these big rocks – even super prego Anna – to pose as the four sisters while Mama stands under the bridge directin' things. Everybody has dressed up – which means even Mama put on some make-up and I must say she looks sweet. Family star Alana is dressed to the nines, but she left her A-game pageant attitude back at the convenience store down the road cause she was crotchety all day. And she got mud alover her clothes within five minites of gettin' thayre.
Alana says she doesn't do well with heat. After much bickering and Sugar Bear showing up in a t-shirt, claiming he only dresses up for funerals – the family gets some cute photos. The photographer has already changed her number just in case they ever call her again. She just doesn't have the stamina for Boo Boo bickering. Apparently holding hands and walking together was the most challenging part of the day for them – getting along, unlike couponing, is not their strong suit. I think they should make those free family coupon books – like, 'This coupon is good for one free hug.' Remember those?
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Alana preps for her pageant by packing her new swimwear. It's a bright blue break-away number that is really somethin else. Alana loves it – especially because she can flash her big ol' belly. She struts around shaking her rolls and loving on her swimwear. "I look like a blueberry in my swimwear," she announces happily.
Kaitlyn was knockin at Anna's hoo-hah door to get out. And "pop goes the baby." Kaitlyn was born at 7:11 pm – which is apt given their love of coveinence stores. Sugar Bear cut the umbilical cord and he looks quite the proud grandpapa. And Kaitlyn is a very special baby indeed – Kaitlyn has two right thumbs on the same hand. Mama says she is "highly evolved." Is Forklift Foot highly evolved? Everyone is supportive of baby Kaitlyn just the way she is – Sugar Bear says it reminds him of a Swiss Army Knife. And then they start joking about it – which was cute.
Anna seems completely in love with her and Mama says Chickadee has surprised her because she's been doing all the mothering and has really risen to the occasion.
Since Honey couldn't come to the hopsital she wrote a "Welcome Home" sign on the driveway in chalk. Honey believes Kaitlyn is going to smell like "sunshine and happines. Or poop." Well, that's not too far off – it's a little bit of both!
Kaitlyn was 6lbs. 2 oz and so tiny that Honey announces she "POOPS BIGGGGGER!" Um… she's weighing her poop? She and Pumpkin help get the room ready – apparently Anna, Pumpkin, and Kaitlyn will be sharing so Pumpkin is making plans to sleep on the couch for the next 2 years. Getting the room ready includes stuffing Alana boxes, torturing the cat who starts attacking them while they cower in fear, and Honey sneezing on all Kaitlyn's clothes.
And now back to pageants, apparently because Kaitlyn was born the scheduled pageant is a no-go because while pageants are, like, all the time, grandbabies only happen once in a while.
Alana is ecstatic to hold and meet Kaitlyn – it was so super, duper cute. "Kaitlyn is just one more person in my family to love," she announces happily. Apparently Kaitlyn fits right in and is a compulsive sneezer – just like Gigi, which is how mama "rephrases" grandmother. Poor Kaitlyn to have to inherit Mama's sneeze.
Mama comes in and gives Alana some last-minute exciting news – there's a pageant in two days and Uncle Poodle is back to give'er some sass and a routine. Uncle Poodle is Sugar's youngest brother Lee – and he's gay. And Alana "rephrased" him as Poodle.
Alana announces that no one cares about people being gay, because everyone is a little gay. She and Uncle Poodle head outside to practice some pageant walks and he tries to teach her to do a cartwheel to no success. Poodle isn't sure how Sugar Bear deals with all the "estrtosterone" in that house and explains that redneck doesn't even begin to describe the crazy yahoos his brother hooked up with.
Mama comes out to check pageant progress and Poodle, Pumpkin, and Honey get into a GRAAAAAS FIGHT and start throwing clumps of grass at each other. Poodle got "reblechious" and stuffed a bunch of grass in Pumpkin's butt. Honey apparently won the fight and wouldn't let Poodle off the hook unless he took his shirt off.
And then it's pageant day! Things start out on a shitty note when Jessica steps in dog poop on their way to the Durango. Then Honey discovers she can barely squeeze into her practically new pageant dress. She tells Mama she's feeling "chunky" and Mama advises her to stay away from the chicken nuggets. That's clearly not an option for Honey – she'd rather be safety pined into her sparkles.
Pumpkin explains that Honey is different from the other girls here who are like "twigs." Honey is more like a "log" or a "boulder." Oh, well – like Mama says size doesn't matter – beauty is in the eye. Honey is ready to do pageants with Kaitlyn and already planning how they'll be double-trouble.
Honey rocks it on stage and is confident she's gonna win it all. She and Mama belly bump to success. She is crowned second runner up and people's choice. Honey is happy – but she is even more happy when as a surprise Glitzy returns to say hello. She can't keep him but can visit whenever.
Honey doesn't care if she wins Grand Supreme or not because she'll always be Grand Supreme in her own family. The Boo Boos decide it's been a very successful summer filled with having fun and makin memries.
And that's it! The Boo Boos are out.
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THIS SEASON? SHOULD HONEY HAVE WON GRAND SUPREME?