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Last week on Shahs of Sunset, Reza Farahan invited Mercedes "MJ" Javid, Asa Soltan Rahmati, and Mike Shouhed to Great Neck for his family's Rosh Hashanah celebration. Also, Mike brought Jessica home to meet the parents, Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi and Omid Kalantari got their flirt on, and Asa manufactured her first tank of diamond water

Asa is headlining the Persh-a-Pelooza (Bravo's spelling) because she fancies herself the Persian Pop Priestess. Reza gives Asa a citrine stone for good luck, and Asa likes its energy. Lovely. She'll be making citrine milkshakes next season. #staytuned

Reza ruins Asa's warm and fuzzy rock feelings by insisting she have dinner with GG. Asa says she's far too busy playing pop star and spreading her love energy to worry about GG, adding, "GG's malicious. She doesn't value anything. There's nothing human about her. I don't want people like that in my life." Reza is like, Asa, I gave you a rock! Asa is like, You play dirty. Fine. One second of anything slightly wack, I'm out. Deuces!

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Lilly Ghalichi and GG bond over pedicures. Lilly says she agreed to pedicures with GG despite hearing scary things about her. When Brave Little Poptart and GG share their ages, almost 30 and almost 31, respectively, Poptart asks GG if she has had any work done. GG confesses to a nose job, gum lightening, and Botox. Lilly approves, adding, "It's all about moderation. I'm looking at you and I wouldn't be all 'that bitch is fake'. You look very natural." Rich coming from her, no? Lilly says GG is merely misunderstood. She's also skinny and pretty, so they can totally hang out again.

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In other news, the Persian Pop Priestess meets up with Andy, the Persian Wayne Newton, to record her latest song. Asa doesn't sing. At all. She talks. When Andy begs her to put some passion into it, Asa holds onto Debbie Gibson's hat and gives it her all. It's still really, really bad.

Meanwhile, Reza plans to repeatedly "humble" himself for GG's sake. Please, hold your applause till the end. Reza says he wouldn't ever turn on a friend, which is laughable, and tells GG to stop trying to be a badass bitch. GG says she was pissed, Reza says to just let it go.

MJ is anxious to talk to her mother now that she has returned from vacation. When MJ begins to pour her heart out, Vida interrupts her to say her hair is frizzy. MJ fixes her hair and goes on, saying, "This is the most important summer of my life." Vida completely disregards MJ's feelings and tells her to stop dwelling on the past. The more MJ persists, the more Vida resists. When MJ starts to cry, Vida tells MJ that she's being ridiculous and walks out. When Vida returns, MJ says, "I love you and I need you." In the end, Vida agrees to go to therapy with MJ.

Lilly and Ali's friend, Neama, stops by bikini headquarters to talk to Lilly about her career choice. Neama, "Stop this and return to law." Lilly, "Are you kidding MeEA?" Neama, "You're almost 30. It's time to grow up." Lilly, "I don't think that this is such a bad thing that I'm doING." Neama, "This is beneath you." Lilly, "It's unacceptable to design bikinEES?" Neama, "Of course. No one wants a Persian wife who designs bikinis." Lilly, "Just because I was born a girl, I have such different standARDS?" Neama, "How do you think Ali feels? Why do you think you guys aren't married?" Lilly, "You're telling me that the reason we're not married is because I have my companEE?" 

A flabbergasted Lilly admits she never thought about how Ali might feel about her bikini business. Interestingly, she loses her fake baby voice when she's upset. Bravo, can we please keep Lilly in "humbled and upset" mode for the rest of the season? 

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MJ's therapist instructs MJ and Vida to list what they need from each other. Vida wants MJ to listen to her, manage her time better, shop less, appreciate her life, and find the right man. MJ wants Vida to show her unconditional love, judge less and accept more, not be so mean, and get over her futile hang ups about money spent on clothes. 

Considering the dysfunction that exists between these two, I find it hilarious (and disturbing) that they each brought up shopping. Therapist Michelle comes to the conclusion that Vida is subconsciously trying to make up for time lost and parenting MJ as if she were a child/teenager. To the camera, Vida says, "She's the only child I have. I love her very much." MJ says, "Getting therapy is a very un-Iranian thing to do. I'm really proud of her for showing up and trying."

GG also visits her therapist, who suggests GG "shuttle" between Kind GG and Angry GG. Kind GG, you losing control hurt me; Angry GG, you're a wuss. Kind GG, I want to be nice; Angry GG, I don't let people mess with me. Kind GG, It's not helping you very much; Angry GG, you'd be dead without me. Real GG thinks Angry GG is right, adding, "Anger comes out of insecurity. I'm fighting every day to bow to that weakness."

The Godfather's Reza's plan for this "family meeting" is to "extract an apology from GG" and "hand it over to Asa on a silver platter." Reza totally derails his own dinner party by stirring the pot, "Dude, I heard Omid was starting sh*t about Mike." Obviously, Mike is fuming mad, especially since he heard the same rumor through the Persian grapevine. The dinner party continues its downward spiral when GG ignores Asa. An annoyed Asa says GG is still playing her little games. However, if GG had greeted her, Asa would have called her fake. 

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Sammy Younai makes a toast and tells his friends to eat. Mike and Omid are at each other's throats within seconds. Reza cries, "Don't ruin dinner, I haven't eaten yet." Perhaps this all part of Mike's plan to slim down his "fat and lazy" friends (see video below). Omid admits he talked sh*t about Mike… because he heard Mike did it first… how mature. To GG, Mike says, "You should f-king know better that I have your back!" GG responds, "Is that how you talk to me." MJ defends "emotional" Mike. GG says, "That's not emotion, that's aggression." MJ disagrees, saying, "No, it's emotion because he cares." The double standard isn't lost on GG. 

Omid yells, "Mike, you're f-king with the wrong one!" Mike stands, saying, "Trust me, dog. I'm telling you that you need to calm the f-k down." Omid threatens to break Mike's legs. Sammy yells, "Hey, mother f-kers, this is my house!" You just know Sammy is thinking, I'm not even get paid for this! When Omid says he's going to stab someone, GG says she's the only one allowed to stab people. At this point, the editing monkeys make it look like GG goes searching for a knife to get her stab on, but I have a feeling she's actually taking a knife away from Omid. GG pushes Omid out the front door. Sammy is like, dude, can I get my knife back? Once again, Sammy is the most rational person at the party. If Bravo fires the rest of the cast, will they too come back likable? 

Lilly, Reza, and Asa just keep on eating… as if they are watching this fight on TV… I'd be hiding in Lilly's hair until it ends. To the camera, Reza says, "Who the f-k invited the terrorist? Someone is hijacking my peace summit." Lilly cries about deadly weapons. MJ tells Mike he can't stand up, rip out his gold hoops, and get all crazy like that. Asa says GG is wack, Reza calls her a ticking time bomb. I lose my mind. They're still harping on GG? What about Mike? He was totally out of line and out of control.  

When GG comes back, Asa is like, I don't want to be your friend. Dinner party just got whiggity whiggity wack! Deuces! 

On the Shahs of Sunset season finale, Mike tells his parents that Jessica is the one, Reza says "I love you" to Adam, Lilly breaks up with Ali, and Asa puts on Persh-a-Pelooza (Bravo's spelling). The finale airs February 10. 

TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT ASA'S SONG? WAS MIKE OUT OF LINE? OMID? GG? 

Photo credit: Bravo

 

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