Big Rich Atlanta premiered last week – much to our horror (Ashlee Wilson-Hawn) and our amusement (Meyer Eadon) and our ozone layer's dismay (that big hair isn't standing on its own) – and it hasn't been canceled yet. Yay! 

This week's episode begins the morning after Ashlee's "hide your boyfriends, Meagan McBrayer, cause I'm divorced" party. It's 10 a.m. and Meyer and Harvin Eadon still aren't properly functioning. Harvin's sad attempt at being productive lands her right back in bed next to her sister. Their mama, Virginia Kolb, joyfully forces them to get up and start their work day. 

While Harvin and Meyer vodka caffeine up, Sabrina McKenzie and her daughter Anandi McKenzie and Katie Davidson and her daughter Diana Davidson make a deal with the devil Ashlee. Anandi and Diana express interest in competing in the next Miss Georgia Teen pageant, and Ashlee graciously gifts each girl a spot in her Boss Bitch Boot Camp. Yikes. Ashlee says it's six weeks of insanity, the girls promise they're up for the challenge, and Ashlee toasts to her newest victims Miss Georgias. 


Sharlinda Parker and husband Q. Parker spring an unexpected dinner guest on their daughter Kahdijiha Rowe. She is not happy to learn dad is trying to hook her up with a guy he met at the gym – and she acts like a brat. Sharlinda is like, Just trying to get the ball rolling in the right direction… you know… towards grand babies. At the dinner table, Kahdijiha blurts out, "Did y'all offer Mike some money?" Sharlinda attempts to calm Kahdijiha, saying, "You're beautiful. He's handsome. It was just an idea." However, she really wants nothing to do this set up – or even eating a nice dinner together – and tells her parents to hook somebody else up. When she suggests Grandma, Grandma quips, "So, Mike, are you into older women?" 


Meanwhile, Boss Bitch Boot Camp is underway, with Ashlee instructing Anandi and Diana to practice their best diva walk. Ashlee sneers, "Suck it! Elongate your body! Especially you, Diana; you're the shorty. When you're on stage, you're going to be competing with Anandi, and she's already ahead of you just by her genes from Jesus. Jesus likes her better than you!" Ashlee's boot camp clearly doesn't include building up the self esteem of its young participants. Shocker.
Ashlee asks her proteges to bring bathing suits to their next class, saying she's going to be looking for cellulite and flab, and Anandi warns her that is exactly what she's going to get. Ashlee wants Diana to throw a "you obviously used to be fat" in Anandi's face, but she can't do it. Diana fails Mean Girls 101 and Boss Bitch demands she write a five-page essay, detailing why she's worthy of Ashlee's boot camp. This is horrible! Where are these girls' mothers? 
While Mike is probably searching for a new gym, Sharlinda and Kahdijiha are searching for a new house/condo. More specifically, mother is looking for a house for her future grand babies and daughter is looking for a condo for her current single self. Meagan is their real estate agent, of course, and she shows a condo first. While Kahdijiha is pleased, Sharlinda wants to know how a family is supposed to fit in a condo. Kahijiha says, "Family? When did I get one of those?" 
Harvin reaches out to Ashlee, to apologize for Meyer's antics at her divorce party, and Ashlee invites Harvin to visit her spiritual advisor Cher. When Cher senses trauma in her past, Harvin tells us that her high school boyfriend committed suicide while she was talking to him on the phone. Cher feels an emotional trauma, a horror, in Harvin's energy, adding, "Your physical body and your heart disconnected. Your love for your life actually shattered." Harvin is visibly shaken by the truths Cher is pulling from her energy. 
To appease Sharlinda, Meagan shows Kahdijiha a house. Meagan sees beautiful visions of drunken house parties in her head and talks up the house. Kahdijiha does agree that the house is awesome… if she had three kids and dog. She remains firm in wanting a condo… even if she has to pay for it herself… the horrors! 
Meanwhile, Meyer is shocked to learn that Harvin talked to Cher and asks why the "spawn of the devil" needs a spiritual advisor. Ignoring the dig, Harvin informs Meyer that she has "extended an olive branch" to Ashlee by inviting her over for drinks. When Ashlee, who has accepted that she needs to put up with Meyer's "rubbish and snotty ways" to see Harvin, arrives, the tension is thick. Meyer is hurt when Harvin shares the sisters' She Blames Me jewelry line with Ashlee – and she walks out. 
The next day, Meyer meets up with Meagan and Kahdijiha at the club. (Aww, "the club" gives me Big Rich Texas warm and fuzzy feelings!) When asked about Harvin, Meyer cries, "Let's not even go there. I got pissed off because she invited Ashlee over to our house, and then she talks business with her! I don't want her in that party of my life; she has evil in her veins." Then, as a way to explain why Harvin is too nice to people, Meyer tells Meagan and Kahdijiha about Harvin's past trauma. I love, love, love Meyer but that was totally not her story to tell. 🙁 
The second Boss Bitch Boot Camp session is happening without Diana. This isn't going to end well. Ashlee says to Anandi, "Diana is ungrateful for this opportunity. Tell Diana why she's the flower pot on your stage." Anandi does as she's told like a good little devil spawn. When Katie and Diana show up citing cheerleading practice as the reason they're late, Ashlee says, "You know my rules. I told you that you can't be late. I think you're sweet but you're fired." Diana tells Ashlee that she's being ridiculous, to which Ashlee says, "You're wasting my time. You cannot be in this program. Go do cheerleading. You are not that special, honey." On her way out, Diana tells Ashlee she's crushing her dream. Katie says, "That was horrifying; Southern ladies just don't talk that way." 
The Big Rich Atlanta ladies attend a Fall Fashion Preview Party for Daryll, a long-time friend of Harvin, Meyer, and Kahdijiha.
Ashlee loses her mind when Daryll suggests she is wearing a knock-off dress. It goes like this: Daryll, you was knocked off! Ashlee, I don't think so, baby. Daryll, I've seen it. Ashlee, Do I look like a bitch that'd be caught dead in knock off? I'm 100% couture from head to toe, baby.
Then, to someone else, Ashlee says, "Don't comment about designers when you don't know. It's embarrassing. Keep quiet." When Kahdijiha confronts her about her snotty comment, Ashlee denies it. Kahdijiha says to Ashlee, "So much stuff comes out of your mouth that you always say you don't know what you said. You need to own up to the shit you say." Ashlee is like, Whatevs, and Daryll is like, Who are you anyway? I thought Anna Nicole Smith died
Harvin finds out that Meyer told Meagan and Kahdijiha about her boyfriend's suicide, and she sobs.
Harvin seeks out her sister once she regains her composure. While she's trying to find the right words, Meyer tells her she's losing an eyelash. Harvin yells "I don't f***ing care about my eyelash" and rips it off. #awesome She goes on to tell her sister how incredibly hurt she is by her big mouth. Meyer is like, it's not a secret, to which Harvin says, "It's a secret to me. I don't carry it around in my pocketbook everywhere I go. I just want to leave it." In response, Meyer brings up the the fact that Harvin shared their business ideas with Ashlee.
Harvin comes to the conclusion that Meyer set out to hurt her as punishment for being friends with Ashlee, and she leaves. Meyer says Harvin looks like a streetwalker, stumbling down the street like she is, and Harvin tells her to shut up. 
Tune in next week (we think) to see the explosive fight between Ashlee and Kahdijiha. We have no idea who started the fight, but it led to Ashlee taking a break from filming and Kahdijiha being charged with felony battery
Photo credit: Style Network
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