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This week on the The Rachel Zoe Project we were treated to more air kissing, extravagant runway shows, Rodger complaining about red spots.  Rachel went into a state of fashion shock and dapper baby Skyler played in Paris.

Exciting news y’all, Rachel Zoe is moving her entire family and company to Paris! Oh, no wait..  my bad. That’s just how much she packs for a week in Paris. I am beginning to think that the Bravo network are fans of trips to Paris! Which Housewives Franchise will be next? Sorry ‘Don’t be Tardy’, but I don’t see it being you!

Although I think it is absolutely ridiculous and unnecessary to take that much luggage I kind of think if I had her closet I’d suffer from a serious case of indecisive-itis when packing, too! Rodger calculates that the baggage fees alone could cover another person's flight.  If that’s the case, I think Rachel should listen to Rodger for the first time in her life and ditch the hundred suitcases and gift me with a free flight to Paris instead!

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And now we get a glimpse as to how this couple's mystical marriage actually works. During a Rachel and Rodger disagreement, each party covers their ears and chants I’m not listening when beginning to lose the argument. Well that or they leave the room. Can you even imagine these two visiting a shrink? The analogies alone would be hilarious. Excellent communication skills you two! If I could cover my ears and chant I’m not listening every time my credit card bill arrives and my boyfriend gets grumpy, I’d be happier in my relationship as well.

Rachel, Rodger and cutie patootie Skyler have arrived in Paris.  Am I the only one that feels cheated we didn’t see how many bags she ended up taking to the airport? Not fair Bravo! Auntie Pam has come on the trip because, according to Rachel, she loves to take care of Sky-Sky. According to me it’s the lure of a free trip to Paris! Tom-may-to, Tom-mah-to.

With babysitting duties taken care of Rachel and Rodger are off.  Rachel doesn’t have a voice because she is sick. Please don’t tell me that this means we will be forced to listen to Rodger all episode!?! Silly me, Rodger only parrots what his wife says, ergo – if she can’t speak neither will he! And all the towns folk rejoiced! Kidding! We all know Rodger will still talk nonsense regardless, it’ll just make less sense than normal – if that’s even possible? Although we didn’t see Rachel with her oodles of suitcases Rodger starts complaining about the baggage fees and I guess that means that Rachel won round one, or at least of luggage gate! Rachel = 1. Rodger = 0.

Rachel and Rodger arrive at the Louis Vuitton fashion show and I have got to say the models’ arriving via escalator entrance was both grand and fabulous! The models’ were fierce like soldiers and I was so distracted by their robotic like unison and the escalators I didn’t even pay attention to the clothes! #RookieError! Backstage, Rachel catches up with Marc Jacobs who is Louis Vuitton’s creative director, they air kiss and throw compliments, and he even asks her about her hair cut. I am that impressed that Mr Jacobs notices her bangs! Marc however, may or may not love the bangs –I can’t tell. Who cares at least he noticed like straight away – ahem, I am looking at you Rodger!

Rachel is in awe over Marc’s imagination. She tells Rodger she is in a state of fashion shock over his sheer brilliance and creative genius that she literally cannot speak. Well color me confused because talking is all she did the whole way en route to Giambattista Valli’s show. Luckily by the end of Giambattista’s show Rachel has miraculously come out from her Marc Jacobs fashion shock coma and air kisses Giambattista a dozen times, however he seems more interested in giving Rodger some love! I’m so happy someone is legit happy to see Rodger!

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Rachel and Rodger meet with their international sales rep Polly. Polly tells Rachel that everyone is fawning over her maxi dresses and Rachel feels validated that her maxi designs are being adored in Europe! Problem is, they are missing many of the pieces from the show and therefore are unable to sell them. Rachel is beyond annoyed after looking at what’s missing and I’m guessing that because this is the more business side of the company, it's Rodger’s area. Rachel shoots him a ‘I’m going to stab you in your neck with one of my glorious cocktail rings’ looks, and Roger sheepishly makes some it’s ‘unbelievable’ and ‘I know’ comments while Rachel points at the look book. Yes Rachel, pointing for dramatic effect always helps solve a problem.

Back at the hotel, Rachel is fawning over what Givenchy has sent her to wear to their show. Rachel declares that next time she travels she won’t bring anything because designers always send her fabulous garments anyway. Rachel immediately regrets opening up her mouth and Rodger just about loses it. Before he goes full cray-cray on his wife, he notices a ton of bites appearing on his body. He starts freaking out. Rachel doesn’t want bites near her clothes and informs her husband that Louis Vuitton and red dots just don’t go. What works with red bite marks anyway Rach? Poor Rodger, always playing second fiddle to her first great love – fashion. Rodger asks Rachel if she can see any bites on his face, to which Rachel informs him no but he has blue eyes. Rodger thanks Rachel for the compliment. Turns out it wasn’t a compliment so much as an observation, with Rachel telling him again, ‘No seriously you have blue eyes.’ Don’t worry Rodger, even if you’re wife, Skyler, Pam, Mandana and all the RZ paid employees don’t like you, at least Giambattista always will.

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Rodger thinks its chicken pox. Rachel is unsure how to rock chicken pox and encourages Rodger to take some Benadryl. Suck it up buttercup! Is anyone else scared for Skyler right now? Speaking of Skyler, it's carousel time. Basically carousel time = Rachel having a full blown meltdown. She is scared of spinning, germs, vertigo, falling, vomiting and death. In all seriousness though, Rachel had every reason to be frightened, all that spinning could have thrusted her tiny frame into oblivion. Luckily for Rachel she had a pair of weights Christian Louboutins strapped to her feet that literally weighed double her body mass and kept her on solid ground. Skyler makes a quick getaway to try and escape his germaphobe purell-obsessed mother. Lucky for Skyler, Mommy’s shoe weights are slowing her down so she can’t chase after him… and suddenly it’s Rodger to the rescue, and everybody had their ‘Aha’ moment and realized why Rachel keeps him around. #BabyWrangler!   

Rodger flies Rachel’s friend William in from London to help him choose an anniversary gift for his wife. Everything Rodger chooses is wrong wrong wrong. Poor Rodger can’t catch a break and William basically picks out Rachel’s anniversary present. What woman wants a handpicked, sentimental gift that her husband put time, energy and thought into anyway? Every man needs a William for present season! I guess Rodger may be straight after all because after 21 years together he still can’t figure out his wife’s taste and sucks at shopping. Typical man or self-absorbed?? Jury’s still out on that one.

The gang bounces on over to the Louvre to have an exclusive viewing in the Le Musée des Arts Décoratifs of Van Cleef & Arpels Jewelry. On the car ride Rachel tells William that Rodger is sick with chicken pox so there will be no sexy times whilst in the land of luuuuurve. Surely that is some type of crime in Paris, no? Rachel instead decides she wants sexy time with the jewelry and fawns over all the collection, starts humping hugging the glass and makes husky grunting sounds. I totally get it… diamonds turn me on too.

Rach & Rodge decide to make a quick stop at Rachel’s favorite shop in Paris; ‘Montaigne Market’. After scouting the store Rachel spots two of her designs on mannequins and has an ermahgerd made for Kodak moment. She can barely contain her excitement and physically swats her husband, which pleased me because I’ve wanted to hit him ever since the first episode and I saw his hair. She hugs her designs and gives them kisses and you could tell Rodger was jealous because he’s banned from sexy times in Paris. Mannequins: 1. Rodger: 0.

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The happy couple but not happy enough for sexy times have a romantic date where Rachel has a momentary panic that Rodger is going to re-propose. Turns out wifey wouldn’t do it all over again. Rodger calms his cray-cray wife and says he has a present for her. She doesn’t seem very interested; until Rodger reveals William helped with the purchase. Rachel perks up and tries to snatch the present like a toddler on Christmas morning. Rodger uses her addiction to fashion to manipulate his wife into retracting her aforementioned marriage comments. I totally don’t give Rodger enough credit sometimes. Rodger: 1. Rachel: 0.

Rachel lovingly tells her husband she’d marry him again twice over and gleefully snatches her present all gimme gimme gimme style. Rachel swoons over her vintage Fernande Desgranges handbag. I totally love how ridiculously passionate and over the top Rachel gets over something like a handbag. However that is not the only surprise Rodger has for his fashion-addicted bride, he has invited her favorite fashion accessory Skyler to their lunch date – you know the adorable one that will NEVER go out of fashion, even when he is older it’s ok because he will just be classified as vintage. And with that, the vintage 60s black and gold bag is all but forgotten and Ms Zoe literally lights up at the sight of her main man Sky-Sky who clearly takes number one place in her heart. Cute family moment!   

Next week the fashion loving family are back in La-La land and Rachel is crazy for coats, Polo and Who-ha’s hanging out. Rachel and Rodger argue over apartments in New York and of course precious baby Skyler is dressed more stylish and dapper than last episode…

 

Fancap Author: Gina P.

Photo Credit: Bravo TV

 

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