I have to say the first installment of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion was pretty low-key. There were some revelations, some serious bitchery, and there was Lisa Vanderpump holding court as the resident queen as Andy Cohen all but got down on his knees to laud her. There was a for-real fight over Lisa's affection, which I found truly amusing.
Things begin with Andy taking Adrienne Maloof to task in a verbal smackdown about how Adrienne's final act as a Housewife was one of defiance. Andy basically pointed his finger in her face and said: "Big mistake. Huge!" But Adrienne don't care. Once she got her walking papers she decided to give ol' Andy the final snub.
Andy makes all the ladies break down surrogate-gate and if they think Adrienne should have shown up to face her demons. The consensus is why go on reality TV if you have secrets. Yes, why indeed Rambles Richards? Why go on reality TV with secrets and then blame your castmates for outing them; claiming they have ruined your life? Good question!
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Predictably, fearing the wrath of priestess Andy, everyone says Adrienne the Cowardly Catface should have shown up to at least share her story. Oh and it doesn't seem like anyone will truly miss her either – even Splits Richards.
Speaking of Splits she was out for vengeance. She got into some big ol arguments with Yolanda Foster. The first one was whether or not Kyle made an effort to befriend Yolanda when she joined the cast. Kyle says Yolanda was distant and she was surprised that she was so bitchy in her blogs. Yolanda readily admits she was standoffish and was trying to guard her heart before becoming close with a lot of the women. On top of that she was battling Lyme disease.
Kyle claims she, like, called Yolanda that one time and then hung up when Yolanda answered. Then there was that time she invited her to dinner and then canceled last minute because Faye needed help after her face melted off and puddled all over Kyle's retro-redone A-List dining room. Anyway, Yolanda insists no one reached out except Brandi Glanville. Who cares. It was one of the dumbest arguments in recorded HW histories – and that is really saying something!
Yolanda talks her marriage and openly admits she has a prenup. She's a realist about these things. Kyle is judging.
Lisa took Kyle to task over the dismantling of their friendship. Kyle alleges that Lisa cut her out of her life and didn't even try even though Kyle has been begging her to be BFF ever since the fans turned on her following last year's reunion. Lisa lets out a loud sniff and says once Mauricio sold her house Kyle ditched her. And Ken agrees. In fact Lisa insinuates that many of Kyle's friendships are fake, like the one she suddenly had with Camille Grammer that resulted in a listing for Maurice, the local Beverly Hills Real-Tor.
Lisa mentions Kyle became mighty close to Adrienne when she decided to sell her house (still on the market). I think Lisa forgot to add that Kyle was hoping to oust Brandi from the cast by joining ranks with the meenie pants club.
Kyle almost fell off her seat after that barb. It was a low-blow, but the Richards Splitsters are full of low-blows and pettiness so they deserve to have it served back to them on a silver platter. Even though they only deserve Target dollar bin Tupperware platters. Kyle insists that is an assassination of character and Lisa cut her some cool side-eyes and was like: 'Yeah, Splits – it stings doesn't it? Check mate bitch." Andy clapped his hands with glee and bounced a little in his seat. 'This is glorious!' his eyes said, lighting up with dollar signs!
Taylor Armstrong's new relationship was discussed. Taylor tries to tell us John Bluher was separated for years when they got together and is in a protracted divorce. We don't believe yooooo – and neither does Brandi! The much rehearsed explanation fell apart when Taylor stumbled over the words.
Kyle and Taylor must have had a helluva a falling out after Taylor outed her hair extensions on WWHL cause Kyle was cutting that bitch with her eyes. Literally fileting her across the room like Taylor was a Fatburger patty at the White Party. Oooohhh… if looks could kill. But Taylor… Taylor is crafty. They grow 'em tough in Oklahoma. Or maybe happiness has made her less desperate? Who knows!
Taylor smiles sweetly, benevolently, gives Kyle the most angelic pouffy-mouthed sillyputty lipped smile and turns to Yolanda to apologize profusely for judging her prematurely. 'If I'd only known you'd turn out to be so popular I would have ditched Splits in a hot minute,' Taylor oozed. Yolanda smerked (werked that smirk) and Kyle basically imploded as she tried to pass her glower off as a 'I so don't care' smirk.
Then Andy asks Taylor about her drinking problem. Apparently 3 glasses of wine are never as good as 30 and when you're drowning in debt why not drown your sorrows too? Taylor came off pretty likable last night, but Taylor is a master manipulator and she learned last season that if you wanna play with the big girls you better self-deprecate and suck-up.
Kim, seizing every opportunity to make it about her and how everyone is ruining her life, starts lecturing Taylor about how she hurt her by not taking her intervention seriously. Taylor is like the joke intervention you hosted on camera after you didn't call me for six months? If you really cared you would have picked up the phone when the cameras weren't rolling. Then Taylor slips and says Kim was in rehab for months and Kim about falls off the sofa.
Taylor blinks here eyes innocently and says Lisa reached out to her OFF camera. Like a REAL friend and Kim is like, 'But I needed a storyline! Brandi made me do it.' No one cares.
Everyone is on Taylor's side regarding the time she left her kid at home with a bag of cat food and some Twinkies while she ran off to Vegas in a private plane while drunk. Everyone admits it was editing that made Taylor look so crappy. Brandi doesn't excuse editing when questioning why Kyle and Kim talked mad crap about Taylor's behavior and mothering to Marisa Zanuck at the party.
Then Kim tries to accuse Yolanda of ruining her reputation and making her look bad by saying she canceled on showing up at Lemon Manor to learn about master cleansing. Rambles runs around in circles insisting she never made a plan and then eventually it emerges that Yolanda and Kim agreed to the time and date through the producer but Kim doesn't feel that coordinating schedules through producers really counts. Really Kim?
And it's no wonder Bravo wants to fire your butt. Allegedly, of course!
Kyle is forced to admit Brandi replaced her with Lisa. Brandi gloats. She and Kyle get into an argument about who loves Lisa more. Apparently Brandi does since she never talks about her behind her back. I think Kyle was about to wall off and turn on her helicopter hair whips to cut off Brandi's head, but Brandi gets to her first warning she'll cut a bitch.
And I do agree Kyle has a point – when you are having issues with your friends you discuss it with other friends. It's not back-stabbling and we all do it.
Brandi shares that the letter Adrienne sent her and the so-called associate Adrienne believed was telling Brandi secrets is a friend of Brandi's who used to work for Adrienne. She was the original recipient of the letter and then Brandi's attorney got involved when the letter implicated Brandi and threatened to sue. In short attorneys made a lot of phone calls, everyone backed off and Brandi got saddled with a big ol' bill. Even Kim and Taylor were on Brandi's side regarding the lawsuit nonsense.
And then comes the big fight of the evening. It was more 'You said it to me in the airport" drama which was very reminiscent of season one.
Kyle believes Yolanda is insincere (and her honeys and sweeties were getting a little annoying). She accuses Yolanda of being a bad friend to Lisa and talking crap about her while they were in Paris. This came after Yolanda called Kyle two-faced. Imagine…
Both Kyle and Kim
and their highly selective memory recall that Yolanda said Lisa was fake and full of shit after Lisa and Kim had words at the cooking class. Yolanda is shocked and insists it's not true, but doesn't really deny it. Brandi sits there turning into a wax figure (seriously stop with the fillers) and Lisa, initially shocked, says nothing and withdraws further and further into her silk toile sleeves. And Kim and Kyle are rampaging in true Bitchards Sisters style. Oh these two.
Here's my take: Given what we know about Yolanda (which admittedly could be an act for the cameras) and given what we know about Rambles and Splits (which after three seasons of their antics we're pretty well acquainted with them), I believe Yolanda said something to pacify an out-of-control Kim that fell along the lines of, "Oh don't listen to Lisa. She's full of shit. Don't let her get to you. If you think she's fake, she's fake…' You know Rambles was ranting up a woozy frenzy and Yolanda was stuck dealing with her in the airport while Kyle ran around caftans flapping and flipping her hair.
Yolanda has come across as a fairly straight-shooter all season and also as a person who likes to nip things in the bud. Kim and Kyle…well they like to blow everything up into drama of the year! I'm guessing Yolanda's shock at the accusation came more from being surprised they were turning this against her.
Andy asks Lisa who she believes and Lisa says Yolanda. Kim and Kyle launch into this whole spiel about how Lisa and Yolanda are trying to make them look like liars, but Lisa probably put two-and-two together and recognized that if Yolanda said something like that there was a reason beyond being catty. Kim and Kyle start with their act of ganging up on Yolanda and trying to twist everything in circles while finger pointing and screeching. Brandi has PTSD flashbacks of game night. Lisa rolls her eyes and Taylor calculates a way to make this all about her again.
Yolanda commented in a previous blog that Kim was totally a mess that weekend and she was helping her muddle along. Kim admits she was having seizures after a medication mix-up, so it's not exactly unfair to question her recollection. I'm not sure if Kyle was there when the alleged incident took place. Kim will probably spend all next season accusing Yolanda of ruining her relationship with her kids and hurting her worse than anyone else in the history of life.
I'm sure this will come across as me defending Yolanda, and I am. I think we've witnessed Kim and Kyle in action plenty of times and we see how they operate, this was once again straight out of their deck of crazy. They just want the person to break and lash out so they can look like the victims. Next week we will continue with this argument and why Lisa believes Kim and Kyle are not being truthful.
I hope that if Yolanda is a true friend she confronts Lisa off camera about the situation and explains. Maybe she already did and that's why Lisa was so impassive over it. Whatever the case, I hope that Yolanda and Lisa don't lose a friendship over this.
Furthermore, I'm tired of Kim and Kyle's victim act. These women are in their forties and have the emotional maturity of 8th graders. They make big scenes everywhere they go and it's tiring to hear them constantly deny responsibility. Especially Kim. I wish her the best in her continued recovery, but I am just over her storyline of blaming others, throwing tantrums, and claiming everyone is out to get her. As for Kyle, she is a straight-up mean girl manipulator who just needs to focus on all the happiness she claims she has.
And Kim was wearing a dress and shoes perfect for a high school student, which is only appropriate given her behavior!
[Photo Credits: BravoTV.com]
TELL US – WHO DO YOU BELIEVE: KIM AND KYLE OR YOLANDA? WILL KYLE AND LISA EVER BE FRIENDS AGAIN? THOUGHTS ON THE FIRST PART OF THE REUNION?