Last night on Real Housewives of Orange County, Bravo was serving up some therapeutic realness with a side of binge drinking. They always say alcohol is a truth serum!
Tamra Barney and Vicki Gunvalson had further issues in their friendship and Tamra threw yet another tantrum in public. Before we get to all that, let's shine a spotlight on the Dubrow marital problems.
Here's what you need to know: Heather Dubrow does not feel "supported" by Terry. And Terry is more interested in clipping his toenails than listening to Heather rant in front of her arsenal of Chanel make-up before stomping into her massive closet and slamming the door.
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Seriously – how can anyone with that closet hate their life so much? Also, Terry – never, ever again clip your toenails on my reality television. This scene is too much "reality" for me. Blech.
Heather is still miffed that Terry was not supporting her career over dinner in last week's episode. Illustrating her point about how she's the most important person in the Dubrow household by listing off all the things that Heather, as a mother, does every day she slips and says "tutor" twice. Terry points it out and then Heather 'throws a Tamra' and freaks out.
I know a lot of people said this scene was "acting" but I dunno… their marital issues seemed pretty real to me. Clearly Heather does on some level resent what she's given up for their family. I mean it took the woman 15 years of marriage to ditch her "working" name of Paige-Kent. More on their issues later.
Tamra has planned a Wines By Wives sampling trip to Malibu Wine Country and everyone was invited except for guess who? If you guessed Plasitlexis Bellino, you guessed correctly. She's busy opening the Jumping For Jesus Emporium also known as Jim's Trampboobily Bible Bouncing Castle or something. Alexis is tasked with the very challenging role of cutting the ribbon with some giant scissors. She almost messes it up. Luckily no one got an accidental haircut in the process.
Back to the other ladies, they're headed to Malibu. Tamra discovers Eddie has brought along his mistress – his bike – and is planning to spend most of the weekend with her. Tamra is jealous of Eddie's love and affection for his two-wheeled friend. "You used to ride me for five hours," she sulks petulantly reminding us of the horrendous bathtub porn scene that Vivid is still negotiating for the rights to. Tamra is like for realz jealous of Eddie's bike.
SAT Prep Queston: "Biking is to Eddie what Wine is to Tamra… " a) an obsession b) an escape c) an excuse d) an addiction
Lydia McLaughlin and Tamra are dressed like twins, except Lydia is the upscale version of Tamra's BeBe ensemble. Is Gretchen Rossi being replaced already? Also, can we talk about Gretchen Hiss-tine Bootay for a moment? Her skin seriously looks like the plastic extra smooth and unnatural face of a Barbie. What is in that makeup? Petrochemical perservatives that form a literal mask over one's skin? It's so out of focus all the time. I can't even describe the phenomenon that is happening on her face. Ugh.
Vicki is the only one not bringing a significant other to Malibu. Brooks is too busy "seeing other people" or Tamra threw him into Alexis category of "The Unwanteds". This makes Vicki feel depressed. Heather isn't too thrilled with Terry Toenails right about now, maybe Vicki can borrow him so she won't feel so alone. In the hotel lobby, checking in, Vicki has a meltdown about being single. Gretchen contemplates stabbing Vicki with an eyeliner.
Everyone treks out to some vineyard. And as the wine flows so do Vicki's embarrassing Louboutin in Plumped Lips comments. She assumes the sommelier and his daughter are an item because they are touchy-feely. Then she tells the daughter she looks old for her age. She doesn't. Vicki just can't … I mean, she was sampling too much wine. Or she's just the most mortifying person alive.
Lydia tries to suck-up to Gretchen (or maybe she really was just being nice and it was a sweet gesture) by presenting Slade with a card her son made Grayson. Did Slade even glance at it? After hating on her last week, Gretchen is immediately like I think we'll be besties. Not so fast… wait until dinner.
Over dinner Alexis becomes the topic of conversation via discussing Tamra's trashtastic tantrum at her gym opening. Lydia points out that Alexis feels hurt that Gretchen, her former friend, isn't in her life anymore and Alexis misses Gretchen. Gretchen makes it all about her and whines that if Alexis cared about her so much she'd be calling and texting because Grayson is so ill. Lydia feels uncomfortable so she just counts her star sprinkles in her purse under the table.
Luckily, Tamra is ready to get pissed at Vicki. Vicki brings up her newest venture Vicki's Vodka and how it is taking off and she's getting casinos to carry it. Tamra is all smarting that Vicki isn't more invested in Wines By Wives and thinks it's only because Vicki's name isn't soley attached.
Vicki does want to brand her empire – she envisions a world of Vicki products. Vicki, Vicki, Vicki everywhere! Vicki's Vibrators? Vicki's Affirmations? Gretchen and Tamra passive aggressively snipe at Vicki while she's within earshot about how she isn't helping this company.
The next day over brunch Tamra sulks that Eddie and Slave are on a six mile bike ride. He tells her he can't have sex before he bikes and this makes her feel rejected. Tamra really does seem concerned about Eddie's level of interest in his bike.
Sadly her little issues are about to be upstaged. Oh no! Heather and Terry bring up how they've been exchanging "words" and things aren't smooth sailing in Dubrow-land. This was a way loaded conversation to be having before breakfast was officially over! I need my therapy on the rocks.
Anyway, Heather mentions that she's been feeling that Terry's joking is going too far and she's always on The Terry Show, which all stems back to the issue they had at dinner. Terry admits that it went too far and when he felt Heather was over-reacting he mentioned the D-word. Nope, not diamonds. Not Dior. Divorce!
In the heat of anger Terry said something about wanting a divorce, apparently. I can think of worse D words. What about Debt. Just ask ol' Lex about that one… Debt as in 'haha… no more Dior!' That'd really get Heather scampering to the hills.
Heather is peeved that Terry is over-sharing with their not-really friends, but I have to give them credit for providing a really authentic moment. She dabs her eyes with a napkin and Vicki recounts an appropriate story about how throwing that word around cavalierly really did damage her marriage to Donn. Terry seems genuinely sorry and Heather really does seem dissatisfied with her life. Sad.
Then Eddie returns and Tamra starts her attention-whoring whining about how he wants to like eat breakfast after biking 300 miles instead of rushing off to the room to watch her change clothes. This weekend is all about her and her problems with Vicki, so Eddie needs to be present for every moment. You know Tamra just wanted everyone to focus on how her relationship sucks too so she could hoard more camera time. She bitches and complains and Eddie chugs a beer. I see great things in their future… how about that D-word?!
Gretchen straps on her ballgown and they all hit up another vineyard. Tamra is holding court as the main wino in the middle of tha tasting table looking for a wine that's "too good to throw." The testing process includes complaining about how Vicki sucks and has no interest in actually tasting products for their company.
In truth with Gretchen glued proprietarily to Tamra's side like a hotpink, airbrushed tumor Vicki and her too-tight skirt couldn't even fit at the bar. So she shops instead. This make Tamra mad. And when Tamra mad, Tamra explode. Tamra transforms from a mildly abrasive blonde exfoliant to a full-on feral skin peel with flashing "evil eyes" and smoking extensions.
Vicki lets Tamra know she has to leave because she has dinner plans in the city with her "real friends" and Tamra comes trailing after her to ask when she's planning to actually do some work for WBW. Lydia too comes along to suggest in an ever-chirpy voice that they need a "business meeting". Clearly Lydia has never worked with Tamra. Suggesting something to Tamra when she's seeing blood red Merlot isn't a good idea.
Vicki and Tamra argue about who isn't pulling their weight with this company. Vicki insists she's doing stuff behind-the-scenes, while Tamra is representing as the main Wino By Wives. Apparently testing the wares isn't the most important role in the company… Tamra lashes out and calls Vicki a "bitch" as she's leaving, then stomps back inside to complain to the wine maker about how her partner sucks while Gretchen snickers. Professional much?
Vicki tells Heather and Lydia that Tamra's unprofessional behavior is embarrassing and she's really offended by the way she behaved. I would say they're 1-1 at this point after Vicki's massive faux pas at the other vineyard.
Then Heather and Terry go kiss and makeup admitting they need to work on changing some of Terry's behaviors. He promises to support her more and joke less. Good for them – it seemed like an honest moment between them and that's refreshing. I hope they work things out.
Back in OC, Vicki tells Briana she's really fed up with Tamra's explosive anger and that she needs help. Ya' think?!
Tamra and Eddie go out for dinner where Tamra has an epiphany. Her explosive anger and out of control behavior is not OK and there's a reason people all across the land hate her. Tamra says that because she doesn't talk about her feelings regularly she reaches a boiling point and explodes. She needs some Vicki's Valium.
Tamra admits she needs to change this, even though she was recently ranting about how she gets paid to act this way. Nice attempt at damage control. Grab the name of Alexis' therapist and get some serious help. I wonder what her DSM-V diagnosis would be? Bitter fembot with wine-induced rage issues and botox addiction?
Speaking of Alexis, Jim is losing his hair and Alexis wants him to get hair plugs. Everyone looks better with a little fakey add-on right?!
[Photo Credits: BravoTV.com]
TELL US – WILL HEATHER AND TERRY BE ABLE WORK THINGS OUT? WHO ISN'T PULLING THEIR WEIGHT WITH WINES BY WIVES? WILL TAMRA CHANGE HER BEHAVIORS?