In honor of hump day – pun sooo intended – I'm bringing you this very special interview with Farrah Abraham. #WootWoot It truly highlights all the things we love about Farrah, including her nonsensical rambling, lack of self-awareness, and special brand of English.
The former Teen Mom star goes into the interview planning to promote Vivid Entertainment's new strip club, and she gets pissy when things go awry. No warm up here, folks! The interviewer jumps right in, asking Farrah how she plans to spend her porn money.
Farrah's number one goal? "Being smart." Well, this interview is shot to hell already, huh? Oh, but there's so much more, like the fact that she still wants us to believe that James Deen was her boyfriend and the whole feminist-lesbian thing that trips her up.
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In addition to being smart, Farrah plans to invest, launch new products, open restaurants and retail stores… her business plan goes on for days!
"I'm an entreprenur," continues Farrah. "Many people know this about me, besides the blogs and gossips and whatever. I've gone to school. I continue getting my education in accounting auditing, right now in New York. So I'm finishing all this, but I plan doing all this and bars, and maybe gentleman's clubs. And the mom side of me wants to do a children's clothing store. I like chic fashion myself, and I just wanna share that. So, those are the sort of things I'm dabbling in, and building my empire."
Now, we all know that Farrah is cuckoo for cocoa puffs, but perhaps this interviewer does not. She points out that Farrah sounds like a schizo dingbat and asks for clarification on this lifestyle brand that she's trying to promote.
Simply put, Farrah wants to bring us, the world, her people, better products at a great prices while fully realizing her creative potential.
Not so simply put, Farrah explains, "That's Farrah. If you know me, that's me. I'm young, I'm 22, and I'm a single mom. On the flip side, I'm a very good mom. I work very hard. I'm probably one of the best parents you're ever gonna meet. So I learn how to balance this. I feel like if I can't show my true self [I'm pretty sure we've seen enough of Farrah's trueness to last a lifetime], and if I can't explore who I am, then it would be lying to myself and I would stunt my growth."
Farrah continues to explain her brand. I think. The question is a distant memory. "So, if I feel like opening a restaurant, opening a gentlemen's club, opening a children's clothing store, and doing songs, books, everything that I feel like doing, I'm going to do it. It suits me well. That's who I am."
Well, that was a blast, no? Let's bring it back to the sex tape. Just for fun. So, Farrah tells her rags to scabies to riches story for the 827th time, and she continues to insist that James Deen leaked their private sex tape.
"How my sex tape came about is how I live my life," shares Farrah. "I'm 22, I'm very sexual, I'm single. A boyfriend at the time, which was James, is in the industry and makes videos all the time, and so I thought it was a comfortable situation to have my only sex video with him. Proved me wrong, obviously, because it was leaking out, and I was starting to have people reach out to me. So I made a business deal out of it. I'm smart, and I'm happy I did that."
The next topic is so good that it needs to be shared word for word!
MNT: Do you consider yourself a feminist?
Farrah: "I'm pretty feminine. I think so."
MNT: Not feminine — feminist.
Farrah: "What does that mean, you're a lesbian or something?"
MNT: No, that's not what I'm asking at all.
Farrah: "What context are you saying it in?"
MNT: It's a complicated concept, but I guess at it's most basic, it means that women are equal to men.
Farrah: "Oh, I definitely feel that women are equal to men. No doubt about that. I mean women should have equal rights to men, every day."
At this point, Farrah knows things aren't going well, and she threatens to tattle. "So this was not about the club at all?" she asks. "Because I'll make sure to tell Jackie [from Vivid] that we didn’t mention any details.” By all means, details, please! ”I’m here to talk about [the strip club], because I'm going to be there promoting it. It's for Vivid Live, and they put $10 million into it."
Awesome. But, that's enough about that, let's go back to your other business deal with Vivid. The interviewer asks, "Do you like the way Vivid handled your tape?" and Farrah barks, "You know what, I'm just going to get off the phone, but I wish you all the best."
And… click… interview over!
TELL US – DO YOU CONSIDER FARRAH TO BE A FEMINIST?
Photo credit: Splash News