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Ready or not — the Shahs of Sunset are back!  We catch up with Mercedes "MJ" Javid,  Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi,  Asa Soltan Rahmati, Reza Farahan, Lilly Ghalichi, and Mike Shouhed three months after last season.

The focus of the premiere is Lilly's self-indulgent 30th birthday party. She's the party planner of course – nobody loves Lilly as much as Lilly loves Lilly – and she chooses to exclude MJ after she fails to RSVP on time. This decision does not sit well with the rest of the group. Reza's terribly heartbroken. Supposedly.

Speaking of Reza, he's me, me, me right out of the gate. Reza complains about his hair turning white and his waistline growing round. So what's a successful Persian realtor suffering a midlife crisis to do? Go Porsche shopping of course!

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Mike, who is absolutely green with envy, tags along. Not to buy – because he's broke – but to watch Reza indulge himself. Turns out Reza and Mike's business partnership is turning out to be a bust. Shocker. Reza fully intends on taking advantage of what Mike brings to the table - which is nothing so far - but he has zero intentions of sharing his own client base. 

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Anyway, Reza fails to negotiate a deal he's comfortable with, so he walks away from the car for now. Surely a sign of maturity he says. "Almost like I was at some sex club with a bunch of white yummy hos running around and I didn't hit it with any of them." Um, sure. Reza gives me the creeps.

MJ continues to work on her relationship with her nasty mother, Vida.  Today they're going biking in the park. MJ wears platform shoes and brings her pups, Pablo and Julio, and Vida brings her never ending complaints. MJ wants Vida to loosen up a bit.  "Act like a teenager, pretend you're Cyndi Lauper!"  Vida likes who she is, however, and doesn't want to change. 

Lilly's turning 30 and longing for a wedding so she throws herself the closest thing she can get to a wedding reception without a groom, a glittery Persian Prom Princess birthday party. Lilly meets up with Michael Costello to talk dresses. She wants four dresses for herself, one for guests arriving, one for dinner, one for prom, and one for guests leaving, and one dress for Coconut.

"My girl Lilly has been known to be over the top," jokes Reza. "It's something you gotta love about her, like her big hair and big t–ties."  Actually, no. We don't have to love Lilly – and we don't because she's pretentious and annoying. But Reza thinks his little pet Lilly is soooo cute until he learns she's not allowing MJ to come to her party because she didn't RSVP. Give me a break. So now Reza cares about MJ?  Sounds like somebody is trying to fix his reputation.

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Since last season, GG has come to realize that her erratic and / or violent behavior is pushing people away. She's making an effort to right some wrongs, starting with her sister, and now GG and Leila are closer than ever. "I put my big girl panties on. I've grown up and I want to do grown up things, like marriage and babies." 

Asa is as insufferable as ever. First she promises her mother plastic surgery once she starts to see Diamond Water money. HAHA. I hope Mom comes to embrace growing old naturally. Then she starts with her Persian Pop Priestess nonsense. Asa says she's more vocal about the Priestess message, which is health and positivity, these days. There's a priestess message now? Oh good Lawd. May I suggest mental health and living in reality? 

GG helps MJ clean out her closet. As you would expect, it's a disaster, and MJ happily drinks her way through the mess. When GG asks about drinking during the day, MJ says, "I always do whatever I want to do but then bitches be trying to twist it into something it's not."  One of those bitches is Reza, of course, and MJ says she doesn't plan on forgiving him anytime soon.

I'm so glad these two are friends – for now – because I enjoy their scenes the most. But I'm dying to know what tears GG and MJ apart later this season. I'm going to guess it has something to do with REZA, the big bully mean girl trouble maker who ruined most of last season too. Just a hunch though. We shall see. 

Next, Reza shows up at MJ's apartment with flowers, which I think is insulting. I'd slam the door in his face. He desperately needs to talk to her about Lilly's party, he says, so she doesn't end up feeling embarrassed. MJ isn't impressed. "You're worried about humiliating me NOW?" And Reza expects miracles. "Can a brother catch a small break?" 

MJ downplays the invitation and RSVP situation, but texts Lilly a nice message, saying she'd like to attend her party. Lilly writes back, saying it's a sit-down dinner, blah, blah, impossible for anyone to come now as every seat has been accounted for, blah, blah. Reza thinks Lilly is being heartless. Um, duh. Lilly obviously had her heart removed to make more room for silicone.

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It's time for Lilly's party. Everything about it is over the top ridiculous. I'd much rather spend a night with MJ, sharing a bottle of wine in her shoe closet. Lilly poses for pictures as her guests arrive and actually chastises them for being seen.  "Ladies, you're in my shot! Move!"  Then Lilly brags about how good looking her friends are. She says hot, I say tacky. Reza says a gaggle of gold diggers with their shovels in tow. 

Lilly insists on speaking. I pity these poor people. She directs everyone to vote for prom queen – Lilly's the only option on the ballot – then she comes back later to announce herself the winner. Poor Lilly – always the prom queen, never the bride. 

Once Lilly shuts the hell up, we get to see the rest of the group's interactions. Asa and GG make amends. Leila and GG make fun of Lilly. Good times. The more they drink, the more bothered they are by MJ's absence. Reza gets on his high horse.  "I brought this girl into the group and she's alienated my best friend." Asa tries to make Lilly feel badly, but she couldn't care less. "Have you had a sit-down dinner? You can't f–k up the whole mojo."

Lilly bounces back to her party without giving MJ a second thought. 
 
TELL US – YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE PREMIERE? SHOULD LILLY HAVE MADE AN EXCEPTION FOR MJ?

Photo credit: Bravo

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