Carlton Gebbia is one of the new girls on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills block. And unfortunately for her she seems to have made fast enemies with Kyle Richards. You know what – I ain't worried for her. And Carlton ain't worried for herself. She'll just drop an F-bomb or two on Splits, hop on her broom stick, and be on her merry way.
But before all that Carlton was forced to get acquainted with her new co-star. Let's hear what she has to say.
"I received a call from Kyle to join her for lunch or dinner. . . I was a little surprised but thought it was a nice gesture and a perfect opportunity for us to get to know one another better," Carlton explains in her Bravo blog. Carlton admits that after they got off to a rocky start at the Chamber of Commerce partay of the ceturay she may have "misjudged" Kyle. You know what they say about first impressions, Carlton: they're rarely ever wrong!
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Carlton was specifically aggrieved about Kyle discussing Lisa Vanderpump's pornstar past and that nip-slip that was floating around the webs. "Maybe it wasn't meant as rudely as I had perceived," Carlton wonders. Good thing Lisa doesn't care about, cause LISA IS GLORIOUS. And in case you're wondering here's a nip-slipy pic of Kyle as well. WOO HOO, Judgey-McJudgerson Richards.
Back on subject, Carlton also admits she was not super duper excited about running into Joyce "My Hair And My Husband's Peen Are Awesome" Giraud, but what's a girl to do when she's forced to share a reality show, but kinda maybe tentatively make nice. So she went to lunch like all good ladies who lunch do!
"I thought it could just have simply been an off night for Joyce and Michael when I met them. Maybe they were nervous. We have all been guilty of saying dumb things — I know I have. Either way, letting it go was a step in the right direction although admittedly my son's name incident still bothered me. What can I say? I'm in 'Mama mode.' But moving on. On a positive note. . .the naked image was erased! Yeeeeay!" I guess witchcraft is good for memory erasing, then!
Carlton was in good spirits when she arrived. "It all starts rather well. Quite nice I think," she recalls. "Next Joyce enters. . .god this girl is gorgeous! I am cordial. We chat for a while, laugh a little, swap kiddie stories." Then things go down hill.
See Carlton was right in the middle of a story about how her cat killed a bird, when Splits like killed Carlton's mood by being r-u-d-e. Poor Carlton was really relating to that little bird when Kyle abrupt dissed her storytelling.
"Yes, it may have gone on a little and I will be the first to admit it. . .," Carlton admits. "But in mid-sentence of this tragic story Kyle mutters something and walks out! Mid-bloody sentence, walks out. Doesn't say 'Sorry Carlton but I'm bored to death by this tragic story of how your two daughters optimistically nursed this bird back to health for a day after it had been attacked, then it suddenly died and then they solemnly buried and prayed over his dead little body!' Nope. Just turns on her heels or flats and walks out. Unbelievably rude, but why am I surprised?" I don't know, Carlton, I mean clearly you've seen this show, right?!
Kyle claimed she was overwhelmed by her hostessing duties since her housekeeper was off that day and that's why she was accidentally rude. Now Carlton's recollection: "It shouldn't have been that overwhelming — it was afterall a food delivery. I did however get a giggle when I saw the name place settings. It was a table for four, it really wasn't that complicated. I was sitting next to Kyle like it or not."
Then things got worse. Like worser-worse. Like Carlton was really relating to that squashed little bee as she sat in the midst of mean girl, hair flippin' 'Oh! High school is over?' haven.
First Joyce talked too much. Like, she's as long-winded as her hair is long. "It went on much longer. . .you got the edited down version," Carlton explains.
And then Bee-gate happened! Simple disclaimer from Carlton: "I sincerely understand the intense fear associated with bees or wasp — especially if you are deathly allergic and you feel like you're in immediate danger of being stung. I truly appreciate the gravity, so of course do what you need to do!"
"This however wasn't quite the same. . .I don't know if it was a yellow jacket or honey bee, but it was not behaving at all aggressively. It wasn't flying around them," Carlton clarifies. "I had no idea of what was about to happen and maybe I reacted too slowly but it was my intent to move the bee to a bush. . .Too late! Kyle shouts out 'KILL IT!' And suddenly a dead bee. Are you f—ing kidding me, I couldn't believe it!"
"Um. . .If you're going to sit outside during summertime dressed like a brightly colored flower and you are fatally allergic to bees, here's a thought — lose the bloody food and roses genius. Oh and let's not forget the perfume."
The worstest of the worst part was that the laughing at the poor bee's death. That's just bloody cruel, Splits! "Glad it was so amusing. Let's senselessly kill more bees who pose no sign of imminent threat to you and totally f— up our ecosystem."
Also Carlton wants us to know the dinner was actually way, way worse than it appeared on TV. Well… "Keep in mind this was a two-hour dinner, not the minutes you're blessed with. It was much more painful. It seemed like a bloody eternity."
Carlton insists she triiiied to have a good time, but alas her IQ is way too high. "I did try to have fun and we definitely giggled. But there were a few moments when I felt like I was watching a scene from an Austin Powers movie, when you think the joke's had its last legs and they keep laughing and laughing and. . .laughing with no end in sight, accompanied with a lot of hair flipping and swooshing. Sadly I could not participate as my hair was tied back, slicked to my head. There was to be NO hair tossing for me! I still love Joyce's hair though, it's really gorgeous."
Unfortunately her feelings for Kyle did not change. "I left still not feeling optimistic about this one woman, sadly. I really went there hoping I was intuitively wrong but from today's experience alas no."
All was not lost, though! "Please know that at the end of this whole journey Joyce and I are in a much better place," Carlton concludes. Well that's a relief! And to think only one small life was lost in the process.
[Photo Credit: Fayes Vision/WENN.com]
TELL US – WHAT DO YOU THINK OF CARLTON'S BLOG? IS SHE TOO UPTIGHT OR IS KYLE RUDE?