Last night's Shahs of Sunset reminded me how incredibly thankful I am for my friends and genuine friendships based on trust, love, and generosity.
The relationships between Reza Farahan, Mercedes "MJ" Javid, Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi, Asa Soltan Rahmati, Mike Shouhed, and Lilly Ghalichi leave a lot to be desired. To say the least. Yes, this is reality TV, but this particular group (minus Lilly) has prided themselves on being real friends long before they invited Bravo's cameras into their lives. You can call me crazy but I don't see much to be proud of on Shahs of Sunset these days.
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Right after Professor Delusional tries to pass himself off as 27 years old, he invites MJ to join him camping and rafting with GG's family on the weekend. Only, Reza tells her they're going to a luxury spa, and she replies, "For realsies?!?" Just, no. Shop in the juniors section all you want, MJ, but leave the adolescent lingo there. On second thought, leave the clothes there, too.
Mike desperately needs to break into the world of residential real estate, so he decides to put his picture and phone number on the side of a bus. Treating us to a glimpse of his brilliance, he says, "Why put my face on a bus BENCH when I can be on the BUSSSS!" The BUS costs $45,000 for 4 WEEKS. Insane! Mike agrees to pay $35,000 for 4 weeks after a bit of negotiation. Still insane!
Speaking of insane, Asa and her teddy bear wearing assistant meet with the owner of an art gallery. An "incredible, internationally respected" art gallery – these "details" are important for Asa's image. Not important? Apparently pants.
So, Asa wants to us to know that she loves her music, but the next chapter in Persian Pop Priestess Poser for Dummies is Visual Art. She decides to tell the story of her own childhood by projecting images of her own self onto her own body while she dances to her own music. Narcissistic, much? Art guy strokes Asa's ego, then says he'll need her "message" in a few days. Whatever that means. Asa insists she needs at least three months to perfect her nonsense. No good, says art guy, it's this week or never. I vote for never. Also? Asa wears a gold necklace/headpiece over her face in her talking heads. No words.
GG and Leila, as well as their family and friend Anita Gohari, set up camp. GG brings "hot clothes, makeup, extensions, and sexy lingerie" camping, then she calls herself a "bad ass camper" because she pitches a tent. Meanwhile, Reza and MJ are on their way, and MJ's confused and whining about her less than glamorous surroundings. Oh please. I don't believe for a second that MJ doesn't know where they're going. Surely she's read the script.
MJ jokes, "Are you taking me to fat camp right now?" Reza assures her he isn't taking her to fat camp… yet…
Mike meets up with Mom. She's not impressed with the $35,000 bus sticker. Mike says he wishes he could go back to his 20s, to finish school and pursue law, but oh well. Now he needs to make the most of the path he chose. Mom questions whether or not Mike has the drive to succeed. "Every decision I've made, you've been the biggest critic," he says to her. "All I want is for you to say is, 'go for it. I believe in you.'" Right on cue, the Mike and Reza bus pulls up, and Mom loves it. Kinda. "This is fantastic," she says. "But I don't think this is going to help you sell a house."
It's time for MJ to get her camp on. #RezaLaughAssaultsYourEars Wearing sky high heels and white jeans several sizes too small, MJ inspects the campground. She's not impressed. "We're not in Santa Barbara," she whines. "We're not in Palm Springs. We're in the sticks of Sacramento, close to where people get murdered for a dollar." MJ tries to flee when she spies GG.
It's time for GG to find out Reza took it upon himself to invite MJ to her family's camping trip. #RezaLaughAssaultsYourEars GG says, "I'm pissed, but I'll just slap a smile on my face and enjoy the rest of the day." Good for her!
Gearing up for white water rafting, MJ says to GG about her safety helmet, "You look straight up short bus status." About herself in the same helmet, she says, "Somehow I make everything look sexy." The insults keep on coming, Reza snarks, "GG's family are the whitest Persians I've ever met – they're hillbillies!" MJ starts off bitchy, mocking GG when she asks her to not let go of her oar, but they all manage to have a little bit of fun on the river. For now.
Back in L.A., Lilly confronts Asa, wanting to know why she didn't speak up in her favor during GG's dinner. Lilly points out that the Shahs of Sunset thrive on negativity. Asa says, "You know me – negativity is not good in your life," to which Lilly says, "I do know you – or I thought I did. You were amused by it also." Asa rolls her eyes and spews her regularly scheduled judgmental nonsense. Lilly stands her ground. She just wanted someone to claim her as a friend when MJ implied otherwise. #crickets
Asa looks pissed. She kind of apologizes, then she tells Lilly that she needs to have thicker skin. To the camera, Asa says, she and Lilly are still "growing as friends" and implies that Lilly has not yet earned the right to question her or be disappointed in her.
On the river, MJ's bored. She wants to "feel danger". Ha! It doesn't get much more dangerous than being friends with Reza, honey! So, MJ blows off GG's feelings about the incident with Sean, because she "hardly sabotaged a real relationship". GG points out that it's not her place to decide that.
Reza jumps in to tell GG that she needs to have thicker skin, which translates to, "If you want to sit at the cool kids table, you definitely need to kiss out asses even when we're throwing you under a bus." GG says her skin is just fine – and that this situation is more about them being shady than her need to toughen up. MJ claims to be GG's friend, which Reza finds hilarious, but she's not sorry.
Down the rapids they go. Afterwards, MJ toots her own horn while insulting her supposed friend, "GG didn't think I'd be good at anything sports-ish – because she underestimates me and she's dumb and she's wrong – but I was good."
Later that night, GG and her family gather around a campfire to enjoy each other's company, as well as S'mores. The mood completely changes as soon as Reza and MJ join them. An ignorant Reza disses the S'mores and GG's family, "S'mores? Really? This is so white I can't even stand it. I'm going to get my Persian card revoked." Can he get his reality TV card revoked?
MJ and GG start to debate the club incident again. MJ maintains she hasn't done anything wrong, adding, "What I did was appropriate for the situation." GG wants to know why MJ felt the need/right to interfere in her relationship. MJ goes on and on about friendship, with help from Reza, then she adamantly adds that she didn't have a lapse in judgment. She did exactly what she set out to do. And she thinks she did GG a favor. And she's not sorry.
GG asks MJ if she's ever done anything wrong. MJ says, "Anything I've done that hurts you was wrong," to which GG says, "Telling what you did at the club hurt me." MJ ignores GG, starts in with her "but" defense. GG shuts her down, saying all she wants is for her to own it. MJ continues to refuse.
Leila asks MJ, "Do you ever say you're sorry?" She replies, "Yeah… sorry… not sorry."
Reza laughs his obnoxious laugh, which is more displeasing than normal, and I've come to agree with MJ's show opening statement. These two go together. Reza points out, "MJ's not going to apologize. She'll try to convince you that what she did that was wrong was actually for your benefit," adding, "GG's not falling for it this time."
MJ spews nonsense like sorry for causing you an inconvenience and sorry you chose to get upset. It's you, not me. I didn't do anything wrong.
To close the show, GG shares, "Betrayal to me is too close to the heart to feel anything other than sadness. I always hide sadness and I cover it up with anger but it makes me feel useless."
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