As if two episodes of Shahs of Sunset in 48 hours isn't bad enough, this one kicks off with Mercedes "MJ" Javid showing off her boobs. Thank goodness Bravo isn't broadcast in 3D. MJ says she's spent thousands of dollars trying to simultaneously keep her boobs under control, cinch her waist, and eliminate back fat – to no avail – so she has decided to design her own bra and shaping garment. MJ "shapes" the air right out her lungs, explaining, "I have the tiniest waist, it's just not being cinched properly." #delusional
Meanwhile, Jessica is converting to Judaism for Mike Shouhed, although he has yet to propose. Mike and Jessica go through the motions of a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony during class, and Mike starts to sweat. Mike reminds us that he used to be the MVP of Vegas (Most Valuable Persian) and I think about the smug Shahs of Sunset tagline, "We don't work in buildings. We own buildings." Now? Mike rents bus wraps, so he needs to get over himself and put a ring on Jessica's finger before someone else does.
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Reza Farahan and Adam, who is rocking the cutest pair of monkey slippers, talk about Sasha over breakfast. Adam admits he's stayed in touch with Sasha, who now thinks Reza's a complete jerk, and he asks Reza to reach out to him.
Reza acknowledges that Sasha deserves an apology but makes it be known he'll never be his friend. Reza tells us that he appreciates Adam's patience and kindness. "If I were dating me, I'd be miserable," says Reza. "I wouldn't want to date myself, would you?" Yeah, no. Never. Don't even want you on my TV.
Next, Lilly Ghalichi shops for Coconut's upcoming 4th birthday party, while Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi claims Sasha as her new gay best friend. They bond over the fact that GG's great uncle is Sasha's favorite poet, then they trade stories about MJ and Reza. "Now that they've made up, MJ's just going to follow that mustache where ever it goes," laments GG.
Reza visits Dr. Downs, an expert on gay rage. Reza tells us he's in full blown crisis mode. Well, duh. That's obvious since he forgot to pop the collar of his designer hot pink polo shirt, and his eyes dart around the (otherwise empty) waiting room while he sips on his designer iced coffee. Reza goes all Marcia! Marcia! Marcia! over Sasha. "He is so flamboyant, then me and him end up in the same category," adds Reza. "He makes me feel shameful that I'm gay and Persian. He wants to run naked up and down the street all day long."
Reza pops out a few tears and says Sasha represents the dark years from his childhood. Dr. Downs tells him that he needs to feel compassion and empathy towards Sasha before he can deal with his own issues. #SadFace #SniffSniff
It's time for Coconut's birthday party, which includes a baked chicken for the birthday girl, hats and pup cakes for her guests, a dog psychic, and an animal massage therapist. If Lilly announces Coconut prom queen, I'm out. Lilly says she invited five dogs, but she sets up six puppy place settings in case one of Coconut's friends pulls an MJ. Lilly invites Asa Soltan Rahmati and GG, who brings Sasha, to the party. Asa sniffs out the human food, and GG wastes no time bringing up MJ and Reza. GG's dying to gossip, Asa just wants to eat.
Behaving like a grown up is hard, so Reza needs a night out with his mean girl posse, MJ and Asa. Reza never misses an opportunity to call a woman a "bitch" or to talk about a woman's "titties", so that happens, and then they order drinks and appetizers. No God Bless the Earth's bounty sludge in a glass for Asa, the girls wants some mac and cheese.
Meanwhile, a drunk GG is out with her real friends, and they all end up at the same bar. She spies MJ, Reza, and Asa fawning all over each other. It's disturbing. To say the least. GG rolls her eyes over MJ pretending to like Asa, saying, "Classic MJ – use people when you want, toss them out when you want." GG approaches the tiresome threesome, and Reza's all like, here comes Loch-Nesa with her never ending drama. #PotMeetKettle Asa pulls Reza outside, where he pouts non-stop, and GG gets in MJ's face. I hate this. I want to see cool and collected GG, not drunk and confrontational GG.
GG wants MJ to apologize for the stunt she pulled with Sean at the club. Which feels like 30 years ago now. MJ, who seems to be void of emotion, looks bored. She says, "You're being crazy. Stay away from me, honey," to which GG says, "I would love to f–king wax my car with your f–king tits." Um, what?
Sean joins GG, and Reza rushes to MJ's side. He says he 100% doesn't want to get involved, then he yells at everyone. Reza declares the Sean/GG stuff irrelevant because MJ was drunk. Ha! All hell would break loose if GG used that excuse with Reza.
MJ half-heartedly apologizes to GG and Sean, then she firmly informs GG that they're no longer friends. GG cannot believe what she just heard. Asa can't believe she never got to eat her mac and cheese. And I can't believe I have to update my Shahs of Sunset Friends/Not Friends flow chart. Again.
TELL US – ARE YOU BUYING REZA'S THERAPY? DO YOU LIKE SASHA'S ADDITION TO THE GROUP?
Photo Credit: Bravo