Torture sums up this week's Shahs of Sunset nicely. From Mercedes "MJ" Javid's tanning to Asa Soltan Rahmati's art show and from Reza Farahan's preaching to Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi's dysfunctional family – it's too much at one time.
To start the episode, GG meets up with her sister, mortal enemy, and business partner, Leila, to talk about GG's Extensions. They're not meeting with clients, per se, but they are on Bravo. Yet Leila looks like a drowned rat and GG looks like she just came from the gym. Neither are looks I'd strive for when promoting a hair product. Anyway, Leila brings up GG's fight with MJ at Del Mar, because it's been on her mind and totally concerns her. GG points out, if Leila would stop involving herself, she wouldn't be so put out. Leila believes MJ is innocent and GG is out of control. She talked to MJ, so, of course!
GG informs Leila that MJ phoned their mother, calling GG a slut whore bitch and vowing to never be in the same room with her for the rest of her life, on the way home from Del Mar. Leila admits this is news to her, but she adds, "Since forever your story and everybody else's story rarely is the same story."
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GG tells her sister to call Mike Shouhed, someone she trusts, and the smug look on Leila's face suggests she thinks GG is full of crap. Mike confirms the fight at Del Mar was mostly MJ's fault, adding, "MJ was egging on Golnesa – she kept talking sh-t and your sister finally blew up." Leila apologizes to GG for not believing her. GG tells us she just wants Leila to support her – for once.
Meanwhile, Reza and Asa shop for souvenirs for her family in Turkey. Talking about the Del Mar debacle, Asa thinks MJ instigated, but GG's reactions were out of line. She worries about bringing them to Turkey. I wouldn't even go to the grocery store with these people. MJ shows up and admits she wants to ruin GG's life. Holy issues, Batman! MJ takes great pleasure in pissing off GG, she's "relishing the moment" and "glad she's so bothered." Reza is like, but you love GG, and Vida Junior says, in love there must be torture. She needs therapy.
Lilly Ghalichi takes the Ghalichi Glam Squad (ie, her rent-a-friends) to shop for wigs. They find each other way more amusing than I do. Bald rent-a-friend asks Lilly about Turkey because it's Scripts by Bravo time. Lily doesn't want to be around MJ – can we blame her? – so naturally she does not want to go on the trip. But, at the same time, she doesn't want to insult Asa.
MJ visits a spa for a bikini wax and spray tan. Reza tags along because there are cameras to capture his charming witty banter. <eye roll> MJ strips down to her underwear and holds onto her huge boobs with all her might for the spray tan. Reza cracks jokes about MJ's oily watermelons, adding, he "literally" can't believe he almost "let" Lilly come between him and MJ, the crazy biotch with the heavenly bazooms.
Reza continues, "MJ may be sloppy (check!), she may drink too much (double check!), her wig may fall off (season isn't over yet!), and her boobs may ooze out of her dress (quadruple D check!), but she is the realist bitch I know."
Later, Reza and Lilly meet up, to discuss the status of their made for reality TV relationship. Reza is so high maintenance. Can you believe Lilly has not called him? Or texted him? Or sent a letter, smoke signal, messenger pigeon? Or dropped by his office? Nothing! Lilly is like, um, do you remember not speaking up when MJ decided you were not my friend? Reza blames Lilly for walking out of the restaurant.
Reza says Lilly doesn't do the things good friends should do – considering the source, I can only assume he means she doesn't drive a mack truck over her best friend while accusing her of being a fat alcoholic pill popping bank robber on TV. Silly Lilly! More reasons Lilly is a horrible friend, she doesn't check in on Reza. She's not considerate of Reza's feelings. She doesn't really care about what Reza is doing. "It's really all about her."
Did Reza check in on Lilly after MJ's comment hurt her feelings? No, he didn't, but Asa did. Lilly offends Reza when she says Asa has been a much better friend to her. Reza doesn't care for Lilly's blunt delivery. "Sugar coat it, bitch!"
Lilly admits she doesn't want to go to Turkey. Reza doesn't try to talk her into coming to Turkey. Channeling his best sad puppy face, Reza says, "I feel like we're getting divorced." Lilly LAUGHS in his face. Awkward silence follows. To us, Lilly says, "F–k it." Then she reminds us that she doesn't need fake friends because she totally has 296 super close rented friends.
Asa preps for her art show by tacking pictures and yarn to a wall. Um, OK. Her art explains her heart, mind, and body development. Or something. Asa look-a-likes sit it in the front windows, looking artsy and stuff.
The Shahs of Sunset group gathers, which always makes for a fun time, and MJ wears the bitchiest bitch face of all bitch faces. If bitch facing where an Olympic sport, MJ would bring home the Gold medal. Mike bravely approaches and apologizes his chocolate croissant comment. So, apology accepted, end of story? No so much. They all move outside to harp on it.
MJ and Reza, who looks like a fool in his suit, complain about Mike being on his own island (not bothering with them) these days. Jessica says that's just what happens when people grow up. MJ snips, "Excuse me, little girl!" Jessica takes offense – rightfully so – and MJ gives her "credit" for being ten years younger. Jessica is like, actually, 20. MJ claims she meant it as a compliment and everyone continues to argue. Then, out of the blue, MJ says, "You're not 20 years younger than me, by the way." Jessica puts an end to the nonsense, saying, "This is stupid." Indeed.
Asa's art consists of pictures of Asa and her family flashing on a white screen while Asa flips her hair and dances to her own music in front of the screen. Ridiculously self-indulgent. MJ calls it mind-blowing. GG and Mike admit they don't get why it's such a big deal.
Lilly calls Asa to decline her invitation to Turkey. Lilly tells us she has no desire to go, adding, "I don't care if people think I'm snobby. I don't care if people think I'm stuck up. I really don't care." Lilly walks out of her office. End scene. Lights out. Save for the reunion, will we see Lilly again?
It's moving day for Leila. MJ shows up with her dog. Oh, she brings Pablo and Julio, too. Leila tells MJ and Reza that GG's on her way. They look annoyed and delighted. Reza and MJ hide in the kitchen, shoving donuts in their mouths, while Leila confronts GG in a different room.
GG whines about having to park 50 miles away, and Leila complains about GG's lack of help until now. They argue – and use Leila's daughter as a pawn. It's a waste of time, in bad taste, dysfunctional, you name it. GG's eyes pop out of her head when one of MJ's dogs waddles into the room. HAHA, the little sh-t stirrer! GG finds Reza and MJ hiding in the kitchen. "I gotta go," she says to her sister. "Enjoy your time with that fat tub of lard in there. I'm done with you."
Enjoying her sister's pain, Leila follows GG outside and snarks, "Thanks for the help!" GG snaps back, "Thanks for being a horrible sister!" More screaming in front of the child, then GG walks the whole "50 miles" (more like five feet) to her car and takes off.
Back to Donut Central, MJ says to Leila, "I've been having your sister's back for so long. I'm so glad I overheard that conversation. It was so ugly and so disappointing. I'm so sorry." Kudos to MJ for spitting that out with a straight face. Shame on Leila for believing it. Some actual moving work gets done – donuts must be gone – and Leila and GG's mom shows up to help. How she kisses MJ, who called her daughter a slut bitch whore, I will never understand.
In the end, Reza whines, "We're literally days away from going to Turkey and GG and MJ are still at each other's throats. Bitches better make up or my life is going to be hell for the next week." All about Reza. All day. All night.
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