Last night's Southern Charm began as the cast preps for their day, and I wonder how Bravo is able to get away with so much Jenna King side boob.
Cameran Eubanks is nervous about embarking on her new career as a realtor. She's wonders where her income will come from now that she's left her stable job as a make-up artist at a local department store. Cameran is meeting with a high end broker who is concerned about how fragile and soft the reality star appears. Luckily, Cameran's mother is an etiquette coach who has taught her daughter how to charm the pants off of anyone. She is complimenting the broker left and right and ends up scoring a 3 month trial run with the firm. I'd snark on the fact she's harboring an extremely wealthy fiance who won't appear on the show, but she's really so damn adorable and genuine. Cameran is by far the breakout star of this train wreck…well, she and Whitney Sudler-Smith's mom.
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Shep Rose is meeting with ex-girlfriend Danni for lunch, and they fall back into their awkward flirtation. He admits that their four-month relationship was a milestone for him. Shep thinks that marriage will be obsolete in a hundred years. Danni hopes that Shep can step up to the plate in the maturity department in order to seal the deal with M.J. He admits that he needs tons of attention in the form of back rubs and creepy grins.
An extremely bubbly lady named Beatrice struts up Thomas Ravanel's digs to tutor him in French. She is seriously bouncing she's so excited to écouter et répéter with T-Rav. Beatrice seems disappointed to learn that he's got a special date. I'm disappointed to learn that it's with Danni. I thought she was smarter than that after he mouth attacked her! She's twenty-nine, and Beatrice wonders if Danni it too young to "baise" with ol' T-Rav. Good thing Thomas didn't bring up his infatuation with the even younger Kathryn Dennis! Across town, Danni shares with Shep that she's gotten herself into another date-type situation with T-Rav. She thinks Thomas is a stellar guy who got into a bit of a pickle. Shep agrees, even though he reminds Danni that said pickle was totally T-Rav's fault. You can't go having big drug parties when you're in public office. Shep doesn't think that Danni's family would appreciate her getting involved with anything that could tarnish her reputation
like this reality show.
T-Rav, his pal J.D. and law student Craig Conover are going on a booze cruise. T-Rav can't wait until he's wifed up with some kids, and it's kind of gross to hear them skeezily laugh about ovulation. Craig arrives in his office attire complaining about his long week in court. He's a law clerk for the firm whose namesake is responsible for the judge show Eye for an Eye with Kato Kaelin. Craig starts talking about how upset he is with Shep for sleeping with his crush. J.D. knows he's speaking of Kathryn, and he laughs annoyingly at how small the town of Charleston is! Thomas doesn't think that Craig needs to know about his one-night stand with Kathryn. A gentleman never talks of such things…except he seems to bring it up all the time.
Over dinner with Danni, T-Rav is working overtime with his French after being greeted with an awkward side hug. Danni brings up the terrible kiss before moving into her rehearsed speech, concluding with the whole "I don't want to ruin our friendship" knife through the heart. When he questions what she's looking for in a man, she basically says she wants someone who isn't a convicted felon. If looks could kill, I think Danni would be dead at the table. Still licking his wounds from his rejection, T-Rav invites Shep out to his country house to go fishing in hopes of getting some insight into Danni's
Wandering South of Broad, Cameran gives Whitney a history lesson on why many of the old porches have ceilings painted light blue. Jenna gives the crew a tour of her ginormous mansion, and Cameran announces they must have a lowcountry boil. Whitney's personal assistant Brandi has no filter, and Cameran finds her West Coast brashness refreshing given that everyone is pretty fake in the south. She also wonders what kind of personal assisting Brandi is actually doing for Whitney. Over champagne, Brandi interrogates Jenna on how she affords her lavish lifestyle. Jenna vaguely responds something about investing. Whitney knows that Jenna has a rich older boyfriend, and there is no shame to him bank rolling her. Hell, Whitney wouldn't mind a rich older boyfriend himself!
Shep and T-Rav are shrimping, and Shep is hoping that there won't be any awkward Danni conversations during their outing. Even though they are of similar pedigrees, Shep admits that the two are nothing alike. Shep is outdoorsy and hates politics. As they chat, the guys learn that they are fifteen cousins twice removed, or something like that. T-Rav reveals that he's hurt by being vilified, and he tells Shep about Danni's admission. Shep explains that he understands where Danni's coming from, and he reminds T-Rav that no one outside of South Carolina gives a rat's ass about his jail time or his penchant for cocaine. He's right.
Patricia Smith has just scored the rarest of rare Hermes Birken bags, and her personal chef is oohing and ahhing over it with her. Kim Kardashian may have spontaneously combusted when Patricia decides it will be the perfect holster for her pink glock. She's getting a spin-off, right? Meanwhile, Jenna is planning her pool party. Craig declines her invitation because his ego is still bruised by the fact that Shep hooked up with Kathryn. Jenna thinks his behavior is totally douchey. She would be correct.
A wasted T-Rav swoops into Jenna's party with sidekick J.D. Danni arrives and it's incredibly awkward, so Thomas sets his sights on accosting poor Cameran under the guise of shagging. He is leering at everything with boobs when Whitney shows up with Kathryn on his arm. She's certainly making the rounds, isn't she? Kathryn is avoiding T-Rav like the plague, and she's visibly peeved that she hasn't heard from him since their one-night stand. Kathryn and T-Rav are perfect for each other because she may be as drunk as he is. She's babbling about what a good girl she is–she doesn't hop into into bed with just anyone unless they're being followed around by Bravo's cameras. Kathryn chastises T-Rav for "putting her in the position to be pregnant" while chasing around other girls. Shouldn't she know that it takes two to diddle without wrapping it up? Always put on that raincoat, boys!
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[Photo Credit: Bravo]