Have you recovered from last night's first reunion installment of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? I'll be honest…Carlton Gebbia got on my nerves all season, but she pretty much calls it like she sees it when it comes to Lisa Vanderpump, Brandi Glanville, and Yolanda Foster. She holds her friends accountable for their behavior but is able to let bygones be bygones. The others? Not so much! Of course, her blind hatred of Kyle Richards and Joyce Giruad is pretty amusing too!
After opining about her shopping trip to Crystals 'R Us to stock up calming objects to combat the negativity of the reunion (all of the women should have followed her lead!), Carlton begins her Bravo blog, "Let's face it, I think I have said all I have had to say this whole bloody season. Nothing held back. I really don't want to repeat it again. Honestly I have no regrets. I've said everything that was on my mind. Made it abundantly clear who I like and who are trolls that belong under a bridge. I wished deep in my heart that you had truly gotten an enlightened view about my faith and beliefs, without the dumb background music. Introduced you properly to my incredible husband and family on the level that I deal with everyday, my beautiful and talented girlfriends who I love and only want the very f—ing best for, and my gorgeous nanny who I trust the lives with all of our three children."
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Of her make-out session with
Mouth Brandi, Carlton chastises, "Brandi, let's be clear, you honestly still didn't have the right to say what you said. It was my choice not yours. We have a great relationship, and I consider you a lovely friend — but it wasn't OK. That's all. And I am still not having an affair with my nanny although she is beautiful and has a mind of her own…" A do what? Is she trying to insinuate something? I can't with this woman.
Dishing on Lisa's raw deal with the other women, Carlton writes, "Here we bloody go…I do think Lisa had to deal with a lot of envy from people from being the first Housewife on Dancing With the Stars. Pretending to faint — I seriously doubt that. It wasn't cool watching the reenactment with Kyle and Kim [Richards]. It's pretty disrespectful, especially from a so-called friend! Again, who needs enemies? I certainly know that Kyle wouldn't have thought that was harmless humor and blown it off. God knows she'd be demanding an apology riiiight about now. Doesn't Lisa have a history with low blood sugar anyway?"
She continues, "Listen, Lisa's sense of humor is wickedly British to the core. Unfortunately some women in this group take offense to it because they don't understand it. Maybe they're looking for a reason not to. Possibly? From my own personal experience with Lisa whenever we are around one another we are constantly taking the piss out of each other — without being dramatically insulted or offended. That's because it doesn't come from a bad place. So lighten up and take the sticks out your arses ladies. Maybe my broomstick got lodged up one of their derrieres." Now that's funny!
We all know that Carlton isn't a fan of Kyle, and of course she loves calling her out in her blog. She shares, "Another telling (but not shocking) moment, Kyle acts innocent about telling Brandi that while Lisa supposedly lived in the Valley, she also filed for bankruptcy. Interesting how it became all about Brandi with this information, yet it spawned from Kyle. Oh and by the way, there's nothing wrong with Calabasas! I have lived there and have built and we have sold many houses there (from $8-12 million). Just saying. Our family lives in Hidden Hills — old school class and obviously affluent." By the way, do you think the Kardashians are insulted by all this Calabashing?
Discussing Kyle's phoniness with her sister, Carlton explains, "Palm Desert: One thing I clearly remember is when Kyle ran when she realized her sister was praying next to a trash can. Interesting to watch that transpired. Although you focus on what Lisa may say about 'not judging Kim' Kyle though was hiding, apparently embarrassed behind a column while we waited for the tram. And you say now to your sister 'don't apologize' when you clearly acted mortified by her your own sister's behavior," adding, "My few experiences with Kim have always been fun. I completely understand how Kim's dog is her guardian."
She takes a break from dissing Kyle to throw some insults at her other least favorite co-star. Carlton responds to Joyce's comments at the reunion, stating, "Hung like a donkey. Joyce, yes. (A confessional — not to you.) Yes my hubby is. Actually maybe more Italian Stallion, but I never said that to you directly. You, however, desperately needed to convince me that your husband was — the very first night I met you within five minutes. It's OK to work with less. Don't be hating. As far as Joyce's criticism with regards to Yolanda's etiquette, that's bloody hysterical. Please Yolanda has a wealth of experience when it comes to hosting."
Taking some final stabs at
Jacqueline Joyce and her husband Michael, Carlton concludes, "Joyce with her reckless use of labels is always trying to sell out anyone who's willing to listen. It had become crystal clear wherever Joyce sees an opportunity is where she will make an A-line for, so she can lie and sellout others. So quite frankly there is nothing formidable about her. She started drama from the get go. And I seriously doubt that Joyce has ever made more money than Brandi, as she was a real model. I find it very hard to believe that she actually writes her own blogs. Judging by how Michael is sooooo involved in his little Twitter world about us the Housewives (sadly not including him). Now let's be honest, with all due respect he seriously may be up for the newest Housewife of Beverly Hills. If so I am royally f—ed! These two actually see themselves as the new Lisa and Ken (without the substance). So entertaining to watch though." She makes a valid point!
Do these people have real jobs with real friends? Is their actual day 30 hours longer than mine? How do they have the time to do so much conniving, backstabbing, and tweeting? I guess that's the reason why I'm not a Bravolebrity…well, that and the fact my life is boring and my bank account is a joke!
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[Photo Credit: Brian To/WENN.com; Fayes Vision/WENN.com]