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Keeping Up with the Kardashians

On Sunday night’s episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Kris Jenner is desperate to get back in to the club scene, Khloe Kardashian has some serious hostility towards Mama Kris and Scott Disick tries to trick us in to believing he actually has a job.

Last night’s episode starts with Kris stepping in dog sh*t, and with that intro I knew tonight’s episode would be a good one. Apparently Kendall has left her dog at home with Kris while her modeling career has taken off. Unfortunately for Kris, Blue is not house trained just yet and she has left her a special present. Kris screams bloody murder and Kim runs to her aid. Kim chastises her mother for being so loud when baby North is asleep and the two proceed to bicker about who should be cleaning the mess up. I’m sorry but as if these two princesses don’t have a team of cleaners at their beck and call. #NiceTryLadies

Over at Kourt and Scott’s they are discussing the many projects they want to complete on their current house in order to make it more family friendly. Kourtney is rifling through Scott’s stuff demanding to know what is trash and what is not… again with this? As if Lord Disick doesn’t have cleaners. Kourt is distracting Scott from ‘taking care of business.’  Evidently this is news to Kourt as she had no knowledge Scott even worked. She demands to know what it is he even does for a living. Even Scott is stumped and decides to admit defeat and says he doesn’t know. I think Scott just built his version of a man cave, called it an ‘office’ and spends all day in there hiding from Kourtney. Scott announces that he can’t work from home while everyone keeps bothering him. I’m not sure but I doubt leaving home will do anything to improve his imaginary job.

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Kendall is home from work and Kris is on her like white on rice about Blue and her many umm shall we call them surprises? Kris is annoyed Kendall isn’t responsible for Blue and leaves all the responsibility on her. Kris cites that she is the one feeding Blue and cleaning up the mess she leaves behind. Kendall calls her mum out for lying and says she knows for a fact it wasn’t Kris who cleaned up Blue’s poop. I think Kendall was seriously close to spilling the beans that a housekeeper cleans up after her dog and that there is a secret dog sitter for the many animals that inhabit Casa de Kris. But if Kendall had revealed that precious nugget *pun intended* there would have been zero storyline for tonight’s episode, so a frustrated Kendall has to play along and pretend like dear old Mommy is a martyr that cleans dog poop while Kendall gets to rock out the runway and live the glamorous life of a supermodel. Poor Kendall, this is what happens when your Mom is charge of all your Kontracts, you get stuck playing by her rules and sometimes you get screwed. Kris: 1, Kendall: 0.

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The girls are at a funeral. My bad, they are actually at SoulCycle but they are dressed in all black. I actually understand, I go into mourning when I have to work out too. For those of you who bet Khloe would drop her standard ‘vagina’ bomb at 5:32 into tonight’s show – Congratulations. I swear she is getting some sort of commission or she seriously has Tourette’s or maybe she thinks if she says it enough some of those haters will stop calling her a man. Khloe announces to the trainer who eerily looks like Bruce Jenner circa 1980 but with today’s dodgy haircut, that her vagina hurts when she is riding the bike. Kris on the other hand is enjoying the crotch action; evidently her lady parts haven’t seen that much action since 1934. I knew it!  Kris really is ancient! Anyhoo Kris is swinging her arms in the air like she just don’t care and having the time of her life. It seems like Kris probably wished she’d traded Bruce in for a bike years ago! Kris announces that riding on a bike with her three daughters reminds her of being in the club. What clubs is she going to?!

Apparently Kris is keen to get back into the club scene because she loves the energy, the music and the excitement. Kendall wants her to stop being embarrassing and actually act her age. Khloe labels her Mom a desperate whore who needs to always be the center of attention. Wooaaaah! So I think Khloe has gotten a little bit gangster since hooking up with rapper French Montana. Is it weird that nobody, including Kris even reacts to Khloe verbal tongue lashing? Nope, okay so apparently that’s a pretty standard insult for Kris.

Khloe feels like ever since Bruce moved out Kris needs more attention. Khloe and Kendall believe she is an embarrassment to the family. Umm no girls, you all play a fundamental role in contributing to being an embarrassment to the Kardashian/Jenner family #EqualBilling The girls decide that their only course of action is to drown her. Kris finally decides pre-meditated murder is line in which she should speak up and she tells her girls she can hear them. Kim is once again on her phone filming. Shock Horror! She is not filming herself! She is filming her sisters. Maybe she was scared they would actually follow through on their plan and she needed evidence?? Kim announces that she has mad twerking skills but she saves them for the bedroom not the club! We all saw your dance with Prince. Who do you think you’re fooling Kim?? #NoSkills

Back at home, Blue has had another little accident… And by little I mean a huge diarrhea explosion sized accident. Unfortunately this entire scene made me queasy and apparently it made Princess Kim lightheaded. Kim is on the phone to Khloe when she makes her discovery. After feeling nauseated she closes the door to the poop and suddenly finds the entire thing hilarious. Side note I wonder how Queen Bey and Jay-Z feel that one of the Kardashian animals is named Blue? Maybe that’s why they refused to attend Kim and Kanye’s circus nuptials.

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Kris arrives home and Kim decides to trick her into walking in to the room where the explosive diarrhea is. Seriously it looks like a volcano of poop exploded, this whole thing is making me sick. Could this entire family not come up with a better storyline for this episode? I would prefer to watch Bruce comb his hair for an entire episode or watch Kim take selfies and talk about how ah-mazing she is. Kris immediately freaks out, and labels Kim as a piece of sh*t and an awful person. Now I see where Khloe gets her iron laced tongue. Kim retreats and says it’s Kendall’s problem. Kris is in a state of chaos, she is having a meltdown and I would too if I were her. Oh wait, no I wouldn’t, I’d probably call one of my many housekeepers to deal with the issue. Kris cleans up the mess and Kim assists by spraying some of her perfume.

Scott has bought a mobile office to escape the perils of working from his home office. Unfortunately for Scott, Kourtney is not on board with his latest purchase. She finds the whole thing ridiculous. I think it’s mainly because Scott doesn’t need an office in the first place because he doesn’t work! Scott decides to pick up Khloe in the mobile office so she can come along to inspect some houses with them. Khloe is so on board with the mobile office. She thinks it’s simply spectacular. Sorry Kourtney you have been outvoted 2 to 1. The trio are off inspecting the house. Khloe has decided she wants the house for herself; Kourtney is sold on it too. Scott just pines for his van waiting for the inspection to be over. Kourtney is making plans to expand her family. Scott decides his realtor needs to buy him an apartment so he can get away from Kourtney and his endless supply of children.

It’s another typical day of work for Scott, and by that I mean just doing laps around in his mobile office. He decides to pick up Khloe so they can cruise around and work together. I guess Khloe and Scott’s definition of work is cruising around in a pimped out van sampling food from a variety of food trucks. Where can I sign up for this type of *work*??? Is it just me or does Scott bond better with Khloe than Kourtney? Now that is a storyline!

Khloe and Kendall crash Kim’s photo shoot. Why does Khloe look like she dressed like one of the kids from Sister Act? #90sfashion Kim launches in to Kendall that she lacks responsibility when it comes to Blue and leaves Kris to do all the dirty work. Khloe and Kendall think Kim is just a mini Kris. Khloe announces that Kris whored herself out and had 6 kids so she deserves to have some repercussions. Umm… Ouch! Kim thinks Kendall should thank Kris for shoveling her horses dog’s sh*t everyday instead of attacking her. Kendall decides to jump on the Khloe bandwagon and instead labels Kris a whore. Kim gives up and decides Kendall has become a mini Khloe and gives up trying to reason with either of them.

Back at Scott’s mobile office things have reached breaking point. Kourtney is not on board with the truck and calls Scott out for surfing the internet and trolling food trucks with Khloe. Scott is defensive and kicks Kourtney to the curb. Kourtney says she feels like Scott is making big purchases because of all the stress he has recently gone through. She instead wants him to focus on their plans for buying a house instead of buying a mobile office. These two depress me, they are polar opposites who don’t seem to ever be happy.

Scott gets home and he is freaking out because his office on wheels has disappeared. Scott demands an audience with Kourtney to discuss where his van has gone. Kourtney admits she called the dealership and returned the van early. Scott is frustrated Kourtney returned it without his permission but he does admit he bought it as a distraction to take his mind away from other problems he is dealing with. Le sad. I don’t get why Kourtney would return it if it was making him happy? I mean they have the financial means and it brought happiness to his life. If history is any indication, Scott goes through fads; race car driving, gun shooting, night club owning, the restaurant businesses.  I mean couldn’t she have let him enjoy cruising around in this pimped out van until he got over it on his own terms?

After a lecture from Kim, Khloe decides her attitude towards her Mom is rubbing off on Kendall and she has a heart to heart with her because it’s not right. Khloe feels like they should both be kinder to Kris. The girls decide to give Kris a big cuddle and express their love. Kris is scared and thinks Khloe is drunk. The girls tell Kris they are making a pact to be nicer and more thankful. On the count of three; Awwwwww.

Khloe decides to make good on her pact and decides to spring a crazy night out on Kris. Kris is excited that she isn’t wearing any panties. Between that comment and Blue’s poop I have felt nauseated for majority of this episode. Kontrolling Kris is desperate to know what Khloe has planned. The girls rock up at Hollywood Boulevard and they have an entire gangster entourage thanks to Khloe’s friendship with The Game! Khloe is treating Kris to the VIP club treatment! Khloe thinks her Mom getting loose in the club and initiating a twerking contest is cute. I have no words. Khloe says Kris deserves to have fun because she is in fact the glue that holds their family together.

Next week’s episode sees Kim and Kris fly to Austria for the famous Vienna ball where some serious drama unfolds!

Recap author: Gina P.

TELL US – WHAT WAS SCOTT DOING ALL DAY IN HIS MOBILE OFFICE? WILL THE GIRLS REALLY BE KINDER TO KRIS?

Photo Credits:  Brian Bowen Smith/E! and NBC/E!

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