Last night we said goodbye to both summer and The Real Housewives Of Orange County, but alas only one of those things ended on a good note. Hint: It wasn’t RHOC!
Tamra Barney had quite a year – she’s being called out and ripped open for her crappy treatment of friends and co-stars alike. And in retaliation, she got slaughtered by three well-spoken broads who weren’t about to be silenced. The days of nobody backing crazy into a corner are over – and when everyone says you’re dead… But that doesn’t mean Tamra is remorseful or apologetic!
Lizzie Rovsek is forevermore “hurt” that Tamra ditched her birthday. Even though Tamra like kinda said she was sorry by giving Lizzie a one-year membership to CUT Fitness. She probably rescinded it so Eddie couldn’t ogle Lizzie in a sports bra. Tamra doesn’t seem to understand people having hurt feelings, but later she’ll use the buzz word of the season when she realizes it gets you attention – and sometimes sympathy.
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Lizzie explains for the zillionth time that she just wished Tamra would have told her earlier in the day she couldn’t attend. Tamra’s eyes narrow and she makes a nasty comment that Lizzie is just pissed because Christian didn’t care about her birthday. Lizzie snaps back that in real marriages people fight, even on national TV, and sometimes emasculation happens after a few drinks. Just ask Vicki Gunvalson!
Lizzie is over-reacting to Tamra not showing up, but I get it that it’s asymptomatic of a greater problem with Tamra: she simply doesn’t care about hurting others.
Andy plays a montage of Tamra’s double-dealing all season and Tamra claims she was just trying to be friends with everyone. Translation: she was just re-using her same-old tactic of cozying up to everyone to get their dirty secrets then turning everyone against each other. Except this time it didn’t work. This time she got caught red-handed by Shannon Beador, who is organically discharged of free radicals and toxic equilibriums by Dr. Moon‘s $25,000 magic glitter wand and she’s able to see the future. And the future-past told her Tamra did it, with the big mouth, in the restaurant, while sporting 80’s throwback hair. It wasn’t a costume party.
Lucky for Shannon the show “saved her marriage”. Even Andy looked shocked. Shannon gushes about how she and David are so re-connected; they’re so in love and vacationing! And yeah, everything is perfect. And I see a vow renewal next season on RHOC. And I think it’s safe to say that Shannon comes by her delusional nature organically, with only the aid of vodka.
Speaking of organic, Heather Dubrow is organically condescending and her desire to speak down to others comes from a need to educate, not because she has to be right. And the reason she speaks slow to the imbeciles is because she’s choosing her words carefully from the thesaurus that is her mind, not because she believes they are inferior – although anyone who has no desire to better themselves under her tutelage is clearly inferior. This scene’s only purpose was to illustrate that Vicki and Tamra are now back on team Heather after spending half the season complaining that she treated them like the help.
While Tamra and Vicki love Heather again, they do not love each other. Or more specifically, Vicki is done trying to love the very damaged Tamra. She’s saving all of that for Brooks! Vicki is angry that Tamra pretended to give Brooks a second chance, while talking behind her back. And frankly Vicki thinks it’s all because Tamra is miserable in her own life and projecting. “Do you want me to lie,” Tamra screams. “Well, you do it all the time!” Vicki retorts. Touché, touché!
After informing us via some deflated jazz hands that the “gloves are off” Vicki comes at Tamra with an epic read that can only be administered only by a friend who has been boning up on the Heather Dubrow Dictionary Of Everything Is Right If You Follow My Lead (Available on Amazon Prime for $350,000.99 in December).
Vicki wonders just why Tamra, who claims to be so happily married, is so vengeful, miserable, and trying to bring everyone else down? Vicki calls Tamra out for self-sabotaging yet another relationship instead of bettering herself so she doesn’t lose Eddie too. “You’re bitter, bitter, bitter instead of better, better, better!” Vicki shrieks. I don’t remember what lame-ass nonsense Tamra offered up as an excuse (except to say, Vicki was trying to bring her marriage down) because I was so in shock of Vicki’s tell-off! I believe the word to describe this was “BUUUUUUUURN!”
Tamra was only looking out for Vicki because she doesn’t believe Brooks is good for her. Vicki goes on an tangent about how she is dating and making her own choices. “I’ve got options,” gushes. She’s got options and she chose Brooks? Girl… go back to the candy bowl and pick again. Vicki, you nabbed a Charleston Chew when there were full-sized Twix bars just waiting to be had!
Still, Vicki has a point – Tamra is spiteful towards everyone; she’s not happy for anyone. No matter how much she insists that Vicki is her friend and that she feels “sick” over what she did to Shannon, Tamra sure doesn’t show it. She still treats everyone as an accessory to her goal of causing trouble and pulling people down. Tamra is behaving like the bitter shrew who ate all the lemons in Shannon’s Feng Shui bowl. Pour some sugar on her to match that Def Leopard-era hair and makeup!
Tamra won’t let go of bitterness, and the rehashing of Marry Shag Kill reiterates that. Tamra insists Lizzie said “f–k” and Lizzie insists she said “marry”. Too bad the Mute wasn’t there to clear things up… It was a game; a game not to be taken seriously unless you have some concerns about your marriage, in which case projection – and you’re in need of Vicki’s miracle-inducing counselor! Too bad Tamra didn’t learn this age-old sage reasoning: When life gives you Feng Shui lemons that start to go bad you’ve got two options: let them rot, or make lemonade and mix them with vodka and soda water.
Speaking of lemons, Andy put 9 oranges in a bowl on the table to help the Feng Shui of the reunion. It did little to improve the mood, but it served as a nice contrast between the four grapefruits stuffed into the fronts of Lizzie and Vicki’s dresses.
Things end with Vicki and Tamra trying to figure out where their friendship stands. Tamra considers Vicki a true friend and makes a sort of threat about how they hold some of each other’s darkest secrets. Vicki admits she doesn’t know if she sees them buddy-buddy in 30 years. “I’m hurt,” Tamra shrieks. Lizzie interjects that they’re all hurt and Tamra tells her to go away because no one wants her around. Lizzie starts to pageant cry and Heather rustles over with the tissues and demands Tamra apologize.
Neither Tamra nor Vicki seem to have an answer for where their friendship will end up, but it seems like Vicki holds the upper hand for once. As she said, for the first time it is Tamra who is being back into a corner. I can’t imagine a RHOC without Tamicki, so I’m sure they’ll revive things. But Vicki’s closeness with Shannon is certainly going to put an organic citrus wedge between them because Shannon revealed that she’s never trusting Tamra again after being bamboozled more than once by her lies and manipulations. And no amount of Tampologies are going to change her mind!
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THIS SEASON OF RHOC? WILL TAMRA REGAIN THE FRIENDSHIP OF HER CAST MATES?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]