Don’t Be Tardy Recap: Green Acres

dont be tardy kim tracey

I’ll never try to pretend Bravo’s motives, but Don’t Be Tardy has officially been moved to Thursday night, which means this week we were treated to a double dose of Kim Zolciak Biermann, Kroy, chef Tracey, and, of course, that cursing toddler! You’re welcome.

Last night’s episode begins with Kim greeting Shun while yelling at her dogs for interrupting her Instagramming. The dog in a cage should feel grateful it’s not being tormented by KJ. Kim complains about how hard it is to be followed by children 24/7, so she and Shun grab their solo cups of wine and retreat to Kim’s bedroom to discuss Shun’s lack of a dating life. Shun describes her perfect man, but Kim encourages her to think outside the box. Kim swears by “ask, believe, receive,” but she’s not so sure it will work for normal folks like Shun. She offers to set up Shun with her personal trainer–if he’s willing–before getting bombarded with balls being thrown at her face (there goes her social life! 😉 ) by KJ. She admits to be terrified of her three-year-old, and for once the Bravo viewing audience can agree with something Kim says.

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Tracey is grilling up a healthy meal and making fun of Kim’s health conscious choices like ho-hos (ironic?), chocolate shakes, and cupcakes. She challenges Kim’s notion that light butter is better than the real thing, and a gagging Kim googles it to learn that there may or may not be beaver anal secretions in her favorite foods. Kim can’t have her kids growing up on rodent urine, so she’s determined to make a lifestyle change. The following day, Kim plies her children with fruit while she and Tracey wax poetic about their new garden to Kroy. Kim wants to get back to “her roots” (Ha! Sorry!) by growing her own food as Tracey spouts White House GMO conspiracy theories.

dont be tardy tracey

While driving around with Kroy (who needs to button up just a bit in that shirt!), Kim receives a text from her trainer agreeing to a date with Shun. She calls Shun with the good news, but Shun will only go if it’s a double date. Kroy refuses, but he and Kim will spy from a safe distance. Kim cites “Chanel” as Shun’s safe word in the event she needs Kim and Kroy’s assistance, and Shun begrudgingly decides that Kim and Kroy hiding a few tables away is better than nothing. Minutes later, Kroy, sporting the same cleavage shirt and Kim are at a restaurant spying on Shun and the trainer. Did I miss something? Kroy gifts the waiter with a go-pro to hide under Shun’s table so he and Kim can watch their conversation. Shun immediately pulls out a dating contract for the trainer to sign. Is Shun moonlighting for Cynthia Bailey? They watch Shun and the trainer touch their hair (a sure fire sign of attraction according to Kroy) before Kim calls Shun to get an update. Doesn’t Shun know it’s rude to answer her phone during dinner? Shun assures Kim she’s having a great time. Mission accomplished.

dont be shun date

The following day, Tracey and Kim head to local farm to shop for organic items for their garden. Kim is freaked out by the pigs and the chickens. If these plants are grown in cow manure, why can’t she just have her beaver secretion butter? Back at home, Kim curses the outdoors, citing the only reason she’s braving the heat and bugs is for the good of her children. The gardening comes complete with gross sexual innuendos and swear words (of course KJ is present), and Tracey forces a plant on Kim who jokes she doesn’t do bush. Didn’t she have a girlfriend once for a RHOA story line? Kroy joins the women for some light training, but Kim and Tracey give up after four squats. Kim’s idea of a work out is watching her husband exercise. Geez. 

dont be tardy kim

Healthy eating is for the birds, and Kim is grossed out by Tracey’s sirloin patties. Kim reveals that Shun wants to hang out for the afternoon. Kroy wonders why Shun isn’t hanging out with the trainer, and Kim explains he’s too young and not rich enough. Tracey interrupts that Shun needs to date an older man if she wants deep pockets. A Big Poppa, perhaps? Kim brags that when she met Kroy he was very young…and super loaded. Kim and Kroy meet Shun at bar/driving range hybrid in hopes of finding Shun her perfect men. Shun finds fault with everyone (moobs, too old, not cute) except the seventeen-year-old waiter. When Kim fails at golf, Kroy admits that his wife is no Serena Williams. So she sucks at golf and tennis? 

TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? HOW LONG WILL KIM’S GARDEN LAST? HA!

[Photo Credit: Bravo]

 

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