This season of Shahs of Sunset has run the gamut of ridiculous story lines, some of which we have seen play out at an excruciating slow pace. The dissolution of Mike Shouhed and Jessica Parido’s marriage would be the first one that comes to mind. The breakdown of the friendship (again) between Reza Farahan and Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi would be another.
Meandering and predictable story lines aside (ahem, another business venture from the High Priestess of ADD, Asa Soltan Rahmati), we did see one relationship on the fast track: Mercedes “MJ” Javid and lovable lug Tommy Feight.
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That’s right – these two crazy kids are engaged! Release the doves! Change the robes of the choir from black to white (when did that happen??)! Let the world rejoice…unless of course, you are Vida. In that case, don’t celebrate; make sure you RUIN the moment completely. As Vida rages, the confused choir hums awkwardly and Tommy paws his new bride-to-be because honestly, what is hotter than agreeing to spend the rest of your lives together while standing in front of a casket?
The passion subsides and Tommy, clearly drunk in love and throwing all caution into the wind, approaches Vida to talk to her. He tearfully (and real ones at that) explains that he already asked MJ’s father for permission and he hopes that Vida will accept him into her life. He is unfazed by her theatrics as he tries hard to win her over; God bless this guy. Either Tommy really doesn’t have a brain in his head, or we should canonize him right now. Ignoring Tommy, Vida ups the ante by asking if anyone has a magnifying glass to see MJ’s ring. MJ claims to love it but we all know she upgraded it the moment they left the cemetery because that is definitely not the same ring she was flashing around on social media. It’s also on her right hand, not her left.
GG is getting her hair dyed the color of her soul and Asa, dressed like the Persian Dick Tracy in mourning, comes in toting her camera to capture GG in all of her self-absorbed glory. After getting photographed, GG talks about how much she is worried about dealing with Reza but will go to Asa’s art show
because she can’t turn down a free drink and some camera time. GG is sounding really calm and normal about the whole thing, saying she won’t even look in Reza’s direction. I think we all know how that’s going to work out once she gets some Tito’s in her.
Reza and new husband, Adam Neely, are heading to Palm Springs so they can scoop up an all cash foreclosure property. They arrive at their newest acquisition and Reza is talking about how adorable this seventies relic of a cat litter box is while Adam acknowledges that they are now slumlords. They now have three properties together and Adam would like to finally get a place of their own and have kids. Yep, you’re definitely slum lord status when you own multiple properties, don’t actually live in any of them, and continue renting yourself. Adam wants to talk kids but Reza wants to talk about living out that Hart to Hart lifestyle (another nod to the seventies).
Asa’s mother, Zinat, stops by with an OK! Magazine to see if the kaftan show made the pages, which it has. Asa is thrilled and so is her mom, probably because she would like to start getting paid now. Zinat says there are wonderful days ahead of them and Asa knows one day, they will look back on this moment through a haze of kaftans and remember their humble beginnings. Now get back to work, Zinat!
Time for more mother/daughter bonding with MJ and Vida meeting for tea. Vida thinks Tommy ruined the day for her when he proposed to MJ and she didn’t know about it, probably because Vida saw how staged it looked. MJ is quick to point out it wasn’t about her. MJ took her Grown Ass Woman pills this morning because she expresses herself perfectly, reassuring Vida how much she loves her, how they will always be bonded as mother and daughter, she loves and respects her but she doesn’t want Vida to disrespect or hurt Tommy. Instead of actually hearing the words, Vida snaps that she guesses MJ is just going to abandon her. MJ keeps her cool, stands her ground, and chooses to leave the wedding drama for next season.
Mike and Reza meet up to do some working out but instead, end up flapping their gums on a park bench. We started this season with Mike (in the same exact t-shirt), lapping stairs with his wife and looking very much in love. Now he can barely keep up the pace with Reza and has to sit down in a coughing fit.
Reza starts talking about GG and how great Mike is for showing her compassion after all they went through. It turns out, MJ pulled Reza aside when they left Belize to tell him that GG is claiming to have a video of Reza giving a BJ to someone at the gym. Reza says this is a lie that could destroy his marriage and his career. I think that’s a bit of a stretch, especially since it’s a lie, right?
It’s Asa’s big night and the gallery show starts now that all the err, pieces of art are blown up to scale and duct taped to the wall. Classy! As Mike looks at all the happy couples photos, he sadly realizes he is on his own. Then we pan to MJ and Tommy’s photo series and the look of disorientation on MJ’s face in each photo is nothing short of hilarious.
Shervin Roohparvar, GG, and Annalise arrive and you can tell Annalise is wondering when the next flight back to Australia is. Asa, who is high off duct tape fumes, gathers the 20 people who showed up and makes a little speech about togetherness, even though the person she is “together with” isn’t there. I wish Jermaine would throw us a bone and make an appearance from time to time.
A surprise flower delivery shows up for Asa and she reads the card out loud – it’s a very awkward apology from GG, admitting how mean she has been and how she has called her a transvestite in the past. Mike, Shervin, MJ and finally, Reza all receive flowers and equally awkward apology notes. Very specific apology notes. Almost too specific because for someone like GG, who is three sheets into the wind 95% of the time, she sure remembers every insult she hurled.
Just as Zinat is moved to tears by them all hugging in forgiveness, the proverbial music stops and Reza announces that it wasn’t GG who sent the flowers and wrote the notes – it was HIM. Dun dun dun! GG is confused but I can’t understand how?! Did she really think she wrote those letters? Reza says they all deserved an apology from GG and since she wouldn’t do it, he decided to take the lead because he’s coming from a place of “compassion and hope”. SNORT. Reza really is the scumbaggiest friend I have ever seen.
Chaos ensues and GG hits the bar. Asa tries to calm her down with some ridiculous logic that GG should own what the apologies are, since they are true, and totally ignore the shade in how Reza executed the whole thing. Asa tries to give some positive spin speech about love, patience, and forgiveness, with MJ interrupting her the whole time. Even MJ, high on the positivity that only a newly engaged person could be crazy enough to understand, doesn’t want to hear this crap.
Reza blows a gasket and asks GG if she has a video of him blowing a gasket of a different kind on someone else at the gym. GG plays dumb and slurs her way through a snide apology but this time, I don’t blame her at all. Asa keeps trying to interject with stories of togetherness and GG finally decides she’s had enough Tito’s to throw her drink, kick off her heels and chase Reza down like a chicken who just escaped from the coop!
Shervin tries desperately to catch her but his pants are too tight and don’t offer much mobility. GG charges Adam and Reza lets him take one for the team as Shervin catches up to GG and tries to put her in a sleeper hold. Leila magically appears and I cannot understand how she made it outside so fast in those giant Louboutin heels, but I’m not mad at all because Leila looks fabulous while trying to wrangle her deranged sister.
Reza and Adam jump into a car and speed off. GG is lulled to a state of half sleep while she smokes her cigarette outside and talks about how hard they love one another. Are we going to end every season with GG at odds with everyone? Looks like for now, the answer is still yes.
Photo Credit: Bravo/Isabella Vosmikova/Bravo