Little Women: LA recap

Last night, Tonya Banks continued to feel the wrath of boyfriend Kerwin and Terra Jole, who have both apparently decided it’s time to torture Lil’ Boss! But guess who inserts herself into the drama, per usual? It’s everyone’s favorite TMZ source, Christy McGinity Gibel! Oh, Little Women: LA, we cannot fault you for a lack of messiness. We can only sit and observe. And snark. 

We pick up right where we left off last week at Tonya’s house, where Kerwin is losing his F-in mind over Tonya not picking up all of her belongings from Jaa’s. Kerwin is obsessed with these crates of garbage merchandise that Tonya and Jaa share as business partners, suspecting that Tonya wants to be another kind of partner to Jaa again. Tonya tries to reason with him, but Kerwin is high on paint fumes or something, because he is nearly ready to break up over this.

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Once they settle on the couch, Tonya is able to deescalate Kerwin, even though he’s still upset about Jaa. Tonya just wants to be trusted – she was unceremoniously kicked to the curb (while on vacation!!) by Jaa after all. Ain’t no Jaa creeping through the hedges looking to get Little Boss back! Kerwin doesn’t believe it though. “Seeing is believing,” he snorts, “And I don’t believe NOTHING anymore.”

Over at Elena Gant’s home, she and Preston are bringing babies Xavier and Kairo home. Yippee!!! They gush over their little bundles of joy, who are strong and healthy at a little over four pounds each. Elena looks freaking fantastic after just birthing twins, by the way. Does she have a glam squad on call at all times? I looked like a homeless person who got punched in the face 40 times after I gave birth. #KeepingItReal 

Elena and Preston haven’t done genetic testing to determine if their sons are little people yet, and they’re in no hurry to do so. They want to bask in the glory of being new parents. Elena wants to enjoy her babies now, worry about their health issues later. Interesting choice. Preston agrees. These two are refreshingly on the same page about most issues, no matter what. 

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Meanwhile, a very pregnant Briana Renee is trying to maneuver a walker around LA while probably setting a new password for Matt [Grundhoffer] Ericson’s iPhone. Something complicated he can’t crack, like “1-2-3-4.” She’s 32 weeks along and wants to do a pregnancy photo shoot with Terra. Terra wants abstract, weird photos, so she stands on her head against a wood plank wall while Briana sort of stands around in a white dress cringing.   

After the shoot, Terra fills Briana in on her version of what Tonya said at Briana’s shower. You know, the stuff about being happy that Briana’s having a little person baby because Matt may influence an average sized son who will ultimately become Abuser #2 in the household? Somehow, Terra delivers this message clearly to Briana even though she’s been thoroughly confused about Tonya’s main point for days. 

Hmm. It’s interesting that Terra gets Tonya’s words suddenly untwisted just in time to deliver the gossip to Briana, isn’t it? And since Terra needs to make it all about her, she also lumps herself into the situation, claiming Tonya just doesn’t think ANY little people can raise average sized children. Which is again absolutely ludicrous, given the fact that Tonya herself is a successful mother to an average sized daughter. (Are we in the Twilight Zone with this mess?)

Terra also knows Tonya is smarting from her “constructive” criticism about her active wear logo. Now that Tonya has invited the ladies to a Habitat LA event to build a house for charity, Terra and Briana question just how awkward it’s going to be between Tonya and them. I question just how quickly Terra can switch sides. 

At the salon where Jasmine Sorge works, she’s working with a client whose hair is thinning, a condition she struggles with also. She’s pregnant too, but doesn’t want to share the news with her boss. Yet she does want her boss to give her more hours because she’s the sole breadwinner. Her boss is willing to move her into a “specialist” role, which will double her clientele. Jasmine has gotten what she wants, so she can keep her secret a bit longer.  

Matt is sweating his nads off as he walks Briana down a California sidewalk. They shop for onesies that say things like “Wild One” and “Answered Prayer” and “Future Ward of The Court” (too far? #SorryNotSorry). Briana decides to tell Matt about Tonya’s comments, which trigger snickering, scary Matt to rise from his on-camera crypt. He surprisingly controls his anger in the moment, though, telling Briana that they just need to focus on their baby boy on the way and forget the haters. 

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Cut to Tonya, who is in the salon also experiencing hair loss issues. Mostly because she wants to pull it out over the drama with Kerwin and Terra. Jasmine is along for support, and to witness the horrific wigs that Tonya tries on for kicks. They bond over their hair loss struggles, and Jasmine even offers to help Tonya with treatments at her salon. She feels like she and Tonya might finally be bonding.

But how does Jasmine feel after henna day? She tells Tonya the big news: She’s pregnant. Tonya is thrilled for her, but even more excited about how pissed Christy is gonna be! Yup. Tonya fills Jasmine in on the criticism that Terra gave her about her logo, which Tonya thought was anything but constructive. Little Boss tears up wondering, “How could she come at me that way?” Jasmine encourages her to stand up to Terra. Oh, Jasmine, what a tangled web of synthetic hair extensions you do weave, girl! 

At the gym, Tonya and Christy are working out together. The only non-pregnant or postpartum women on this cast, these two may be looking to form a new alliance. Their short arms and legs make Pilates machines tough, but they give it their best college try! Tonya is glad someone is talking to her that she and Christy are having fun together again. This must be the newly medicated Christy because her head does not even spin around when Tonya reveals that Jasmine is pregnant. Something tells me Christy may have already heard this news through the rumor mill. 

Tonya fills Christy in on her beef with Terra. Christy is of course all too happy to pile on Terra, her arch enemy. I’m surprised she isn’t suggesting Tonya may have a concussion from the argument! She is willing to come to Tonya’s Habitat LA event, even if Terra shows up. “She’s not Hitler!” jokes Christy.

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Speaking of the Fuhrer, Terra shows up at Elena’s, bearing baby presents. The little peanuts are sweetly sleeping in their bassinets as Elena updates her on new motherhood. She’s only sleeping in hour-and-a-half increments, but she loves having them home despite it all. Terra and Elena bond over poop stories, but when talk turns to genetic testing, Elena defends her choice not to get it done yet.

Terra wonders if she has problems knowing they might have dwarfism? Elena asks, “Why would I want my babies to have health problems?” An honest and valid point…that is totally lost on Terra. She also thinks Elena should find out right away, but that Elena’s too scared of what the results might be. This might also be a valid point. 

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They discuss the Tonya situation again, which Terra hopes to resolve at Habitat LA. Elena asks if Terra might go too hard on Tonya (and everybody)? Terra defensively says she doesn’t always do that! But, um, yes she does. Elena is like the Terra Whisperer this season, except we’re not seeing her break this horse just yet!

Christy and her only remaining costar mom go to a jewelry making class. They discuss Christy’s daughter Autumn, who had a recent health scare with ovarian cysts. Christy, much like Terra, makes Autumn’s problems all about her. Sigh. They discuss the fact that Christy has had virtually no camera time with the cast this season, i.e. “hasn’t been around them much” which Christy says she’s thankful for. Yeah right. Thank god for Tonya’s Habitat LA event, or Christy might be sitting here making sad little bracelets with mom until 2020. 

It’s the day of reckoning at Tonya’s house! Jaa rolls up with the rest of Tonya’s stuff. He tells Kerwin he wants to maintain a business partnership with Tonya, but Kerwin postures that he’s made up his mind. Tonya is not to be within 100 feet of Jaa, and that’s that! He has nothing personal against Jaa, but obviously doesn’t trust Tonya. The dudes hug it out in the end, and Jaa peels out of that dysfunctional scene for good. 

At lunch, Jasmine meets Tonya to dish about Briana. Jasmine took issue with Tonya’s baby shower comments, but Tonya stands 100% by her statement. This is not about little mothers with average sized children; this is about Briana being a passive victim in an abusive relationship, not needing another threat in her household. Jasmine apparently went to the Terra Jole school of comprehension because she’s like a dog with a bone. Tonya tries to explain that this is NOT ABOUT JASMINE. “With respect to Briana’s situation, I do feel that way. Period.” snaps Tonya. Jasmine says fine, she’ll move on then. But I doubt it.

It’s the day of Habitat LA. Tonya invited all of the ladies, even though half of them are pregnant or breastfeeding. Christy arrives first, planning to wear her hard hat at all times for fear of flying glass. <eye roll> Terra shows up next just as Christy is talking smack about her. An awkward hello is exchanged. Then Terra yells at Christy after Christy acts like she cares if Terra gets hurt while climbing a ladder. She has no time for this two faced b*tch.

So Terra confronts Tonya instead! She can’t believe Tonya invited Christy. And she can’t believe Tonya hasn’t returned her calls or texts lately! Christy is loving every minute of this. Tonya just tries to shut Terra up by reminding they’re here for charity. Question: Does Little Boss actually think this line of reasoning will work with Terra? Is she NEW here? 

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Terra tries to confront Tonya again outside. Tonya admits Terra hurt her feelings badly, but Terra defends that it was just supposed to be helpful feedback. Nah. Tonya knows what being thrown under the bus feels like, and she’s not ready to forgive Terra for it just yet.

Christy jumps in to scold Terra about putting her feelings aside in a public place, namely one that’s supposed to be about charity work. This sends Terra reeling, just as Christy knew it would. “You can butt the f*ck out!” barks Terra, yelling that she’s not having a conversation with Christy at the moment, is she?

“Tonya is hurrrrrrt!” whines Christy. All Terra can manage is a raised hand and a huge “SHUT UP!” to that. Then she walks out in a huff as Christy comments that the only person Terra cares about is, well, Terra.     

And just like that, Christy has finally inserted herself into a story line. She’s broken out of janky jewelry making class with mama and is headed into tabloid fight Terra-tory once again! Well played, Mrs. McGinity. Well played. 

TELL US: DO YOU AGREE WITH ELENA POSTPONING GENETIC TESTING? WHO’S TEAM ARE YOU ON: TERRA’S…OR EVERYONE ELSE’S? 

Photo Credit: Lifetime

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