Despite the failed Restoration on last week’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta, I thought people were moving forward, but like Paula Abdul dancing with a cartoon cheetah it was two steps forward and two steps back … except Kenya Moore and Phaedra Parks do NOT go together because sometimes opposites attack!
I gotta say Phaedra really disappointed me. Usually I’d see Kenya as the cartoon cheetah in this scenario, but last night it was sooo Phaedra! One thing about this trip to Maui was that that the ladies really shed their facades and let their guards down for a change.
The episode opens with Kenya and Phaedra playing tennis, bantering as they batted balls – badly – back and forth. Kenya seems hopeful that she and Phaedra are on their way to a real friendship, but Phaedra is still content to keep things at a distance. Although she’s glad she and Kenya aren’t having drama like everyone else. DUH – DUH -DUH… that’s some horror movie foreshadowing right there! Especially when Phaedra mentions, again, that she doesn’t quite trust Kenya (or any of these girls) with the status of her divorce.
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Back at the hotel Cynthia Bailey surprises Peter with a room service birthday lunch. And what do you get the man who has everything except Jesus and a wife? Why a blinged out Bible, of course! Maybe he should just date Phaedra.
Over salads Peter cries because he doesn’t believe Cynthia ever truly wanted to be married to him and always held him at a distance. Alright – I’m gonna admit it, I was touched by this scene, and I’m kinda, maybe thinkin’ Peachter, Peachter, Bank Account Eater wasn’t as terrible as maybe I always suspected? Maybe? Anyway, unlike when Cynthia was about to get married, she doesn’t have any doubts or second thoughts about getting unmarried to Peter.
The other big disaster on this trip is Bob and Sheree Whitfield. After Sheree ditched his giggling ass at the jewelry store, Sheree is channeling her anger into her book edits. Here on this beautiful island, Sheree has realized once and for all that Bob hasn’t changed a bit. If she holds a conch shell up to her ear, she’ll hear the same old sounds of his BS whizzing through. And that is breaking her heart anew.
Sowing the seeds for some extra-messiness, Kenya decides to embark upon a secret adventure of throwing a “Divorce Party” for her NBF and her BFF, Phaedra and Cynthia. As soon as the words “I do, I did, I don’t…” came cackling out of Krayonce’s lips, I was thinking Kenya was gonna find herself in the “I DON’T” realm of Phaedra’s wrath. I just had a sinking feeling that Phaedra’s not the sort of gal who embraces a cheery ass brokenette-betrothal party. Especially not one she’s attending with her NO-FF’s Kandi Burruss, Cynthia, and Kenya.
Then, because sometimes things have to go from annoying to really annoying, Kandi and Todd decide that instead of a pig roast to celebrate Peter’s birthday dinner, they’ll last minute change the theme to roasting him. They don’t tell anyone in advance, except Cynthia, that they’re supposed to have jokes prepared, so basically it sucked. Sheree is in no mood for jokes after her anger at Bob. Bob isn’t even sure she’ll show up, actually, but she does. Her anger and sorrow are palpable through my TV. “I would’ve roasted Peter, but he already looked pretty well done to me,” Sheree quips.
Even Peter is disappointed by this pathetic display and snarks that with all the material available to everyone about him, they should’ve gone hard. Were the shoe on the other foot, he would have eviscerated the roastee! The worst was Cynthia, who practically cried trying to make a joke about how thorough Peter brushes his teeth. I think the lesson here is that no one likes celebrating the end of a marriage. Even long after the marriage ended. You’d think Kenya would have revised her ‘Divorce party’ plans right then and there to so some sort of ‘Survival’ theme, etc., but no – once Kenya decides to go the distance with something – whether it be twirls, or butts, ill-advised flirtations, or busted boyfriends, she goes ALL the way up the mountain and right over the top into the volcano.
The last day of the trip Kandi and Todd invite everyone – even Porsha Williams (who Kandi wants to throw overboard until only her false eyelashes are seen floating around) – on a catamaran ride. Sheree and Bob are not soothed by the flowing of champagne nor the boat’s rhythm. Sheree finally lets Bob have it for all the years he’s done her WRONG as husband! I was so proud of her for calling him out for abandoning her with two small kids and a bunch of bills, completely destroying her trust, then trying to laugh it off and get away with no remorse. Cynthia believes Bob is still in love with Sheree, but I’m with Sheree: Bob isn’t capable of understanding empathy or adult emotions. And Sheree is not responsible for explaining adulthood to “grown-ass man!”
I love this side of Sheree. After years and years of her putting up a fake facade called Chateau Sheree, she finally drops her guard to show what her life has been like. It’s refreshing to see this break-through, and I hope she has finally released her anger and rage, and can move on and meet a decent man. Hopefully, someday, Phaedra will get to that point too, but right now her raw anger at Apollo is way too fresh!
RELATED – Bob & Sheree: The Past Revisited!
Which brings me to Kenya. She needs some emotional intelligence lessons. Is Sheree hosting seminars? She By SheVolution?
Anyway, the Divorce Party. OH LORD. Kenya says the theme is “Aloha – Hello and Good-bye,” which is how her friendship with Phaedra is about to go.
For the shoestring time frame, Kenya had every detail all planned out and decorated with penises – there was even a custom-cake, split in half joined by a chain. When Cynthia walks in, she didn’t even bother concealing how upset she was by the theme, but because she’s a people-pleaser (and probably afraid of Krayonce), she just kept grinning and bearing it. Which, I should point out, is how she ended up married to Peter for 6 long years of hellacity. “I’m never getting married again,” she announces as Kenya puts a “Bride To Be Again” sash over her head.
Phaedra walked through the door and just about turned and walked right out. She claimed her stomach was upset, but really started to feel violently ill about the time Kenya proposed the “Kiss On The Peen” game, complete with a communal penis-tipped lipstick. Just no.
Safely in the confines of her own hotel room, with Ginger-Ale, she sends Porsha a text complaining about the mockery Kenya is making over the institution of marriage and the breaking up of a family, and this from the “trifling” woman who flirted with her husband! Phaedra is, in short, disgusted. Porsha, of course, reads the text aloud to the group and the ladies are shocked. I gotta admit – I was too! Really Phaedra?! Really?! REALLY?! After all this time?
I mean, I fully FULLY believe that Kenya’s flirtation and behavior towards Apollo was inappropriate – yes, he is more to blame for encouraging it, but Kenya continued with it even after she knew how uncomfortable it made Phaedra – however, Phaedra is blaming the wrong one! And for her to even snarkily insinuate that Kenya is happy about the divorce or wants Apollo is just petty. Her slip is showing and it’s all bunched up in the back of her panty hose.
I understand Phaedra is channeling her hurt and anger at Apollo onto Kenya, but she should have taken a moment to collect herself, explained that it makes her uncomfortable to celebrate her divorce at this juncture, then excused herself politely.
Kandi isn’t surprised by Phaedra’s reaction – she tells the ladies this is the ‘real Phaedra’ they’re seeing. Then Frick accidentally lets it slip that Phaedra’s divorce is just newly finalized. Like within a week. Again, shocking the ladies. Kandi admits she didn’t even know because Apollo never told Todd.
Porsha checks on Phaedra, who is in her room livid over the flippancy with which these women are treating the very SERIOUS institution of marriage as so respected, revered, and devoutly treated by the Housewives community. I get Phaedra’s point that Kenya, with her fake pseudo engagements, and non-stop inappropriate relationships, and her foolish sitcoms, her accusations that Phaedra cheated on Apollo, her pretend dating a married man, her nonsense with Matt, and her flirting with Apollo should have never over-stepped the boundary by throwing this ill-advised party for two women who haven’t come to terms with their divorce yet, but Kenya emerges the better woman here.
Then Kenya arrives to discuss the text and points out that Phaedra is a hypocrite for throwing a Restoration Service the day before about forgiveness, yet is still harboring a two-year-old grudge against Kenya, and refusing to move past it! Yes, Phaedra does need to pray on that. Although Kenya also needs to pray on why she cannot ever walk herself backwards at step to look at things from another person’s perspective.
Well, that ended as a big ol’ mess. At least Cynthia was willing to cut the chain on the cake and eat a little red velvet, the same color of her bleeding heart. So, who’s throwing the next Restoration?!
TELL US – DOES PHAEDRA NEED TO FORGIVE; OR WAS KENYA’S PARTY TACKY?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]