Well, another season of Shahs of Sunset has officially drawn to a close and instead of Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi ending up as the outcast of the season, instead we find Persian Pop Priestess and staple cast member, Asa Soltan Rahmati, exiled from this group of overgrown hooligans.
I think we all saw it coming when bestie/worstie of friends Reza Farahan didn’t exactly jump to Asa’s defense during her falling out with Mercedes “MJ” Javid over whether or not Asa used IVF to conceive her “miracle baby.” But let’s face it, MJ wasn’t really mad about Asa using IVF or not, she was really just pissed that Asa beat her to the punch when it came to having a kid. So MJ just found the weakest link in the Asa Chain (the fact that Asa isn’t forthcoming with all aspects of her life) and exploited it with the rest of the Shahs to get them on board with casting Asa aside. And it actually worked!
Reza described Persians as tribal people and this tribe decided that Asa was voted off the island, cast away to the land of bed rest where she would be forced to live out the rest of her pregnant days with no one to openly complain/gloat to.
But what would a season ending be without a completely made up reason to throw a party? For that, the Shahs bring you a Winter Wonderland Party or what Mike Shouhed would call a Persian Ball and what I would call the Persian Prom. It is all looking and sounding familiar and I think I might have used Persian Prom to describe an episode in a previous season but hey, if the Shahs are going to recycle parties thanks to a lack of creative ideas, then your trusty Shahs Recapper should get a pass too.
We join GG and Reza at the party planner’s show room and they didn’t hire just any party planner for this made up and pointless event, they hired the Bravo party planner – Kevin, a/k/a Lisa Vanderpump’s on call event planner, a/k/a “chi chi chi there is no such thing as a budget.” I love Kevin so was hoping to see more of his nonsense but alas, he scoots away so GG and Reza can talk about Mike’s broken up marriage.
GG and Jessica Parido still talk and Jessica let GG in on the fact that she wrote an email to Mike’s mom, apologizing for everything that happened. Come again now? Jessica, who got cheated on and publicly dogged out by her husband, is apologizing to his mom in the hopes of reconciling with said cheater husband. Yes, you are reading that right. The best part? His mom shut it down, still angry about how her precious baby boy is being treated. I cannot take this golden dool stuff anymore – cultural or not, Mike’s mom is enabling a grown man to think that treating your then-wife like garbage is something that allows you to run back to your mommy for sympathy because your wife then chooses to leave you. Somehow we end up in a place where Reza convinces GG to talk to his mom and get her out of the way of Mike and Jessica reconnecting.
MJ and fiancé Tommy Feight (my new favorite person) are Driving Miss Vida to the hospital to visit her dad for the holidays. They argue the whole way, with Tommy finally telling them to knock it off. Surprisingly, Vida listens and promises him that they will stop fighting. They arrive in their matching plaid pajamas, with the dogs in tow, to decorate her dad’s room with little fake trees. This is all super cute and sweet and for once, MJ didn’t have her boobs out to go and visit her sick father. They even use a selfie stick and take a picture of them all together, surrounding her dad in his hospital bed.
Do you guys remember a few episodes ago when Reza was working on a play and he rehearsed some lines with MJ in his living room? Yeah, I skipped right over it in my recap because I was hoping it would never come to light anyway. Well, I was wrong and it has so we must talk about it.
The play, aptly titled “Eez Not Right” is what Reza would like you to think is a more highbrow version of GG’s recent play since no blow jobs are involved. The plot centers around two Persian grandmothers, one Jewish and one Muslim, planning their grandson’s gay wedding. Reza has MJ and Jefferson come and do a run-through with him, only to realize MJ hasn’t memorized a single line. She is trying to draw on her acting experience from that one class she took once (with fellow students Monica Lewinski and Eric Menendez) but there’s only so much you can do when you don’t haven’t read the script more than once.
Good thing the opening night is really just a few Shahs coming to see this little game of dress up, which Reza could have saved a few bucks on and hosted in his living room. Reza plays the one grandmother, in full drag with his caterpillar muzzy and a horrible accent, while MJ plays the other, reading from an open script through the whole thing. When the whole thing is over, Reza muses that he can finally close the chapter on his family and religious issues and hopes that he can take his show on the road to “do some good.” If he wants to do some good, he could just end the play right then and there, which is likely what will happen anyway.
Back at home, Reza and husband Adam Neely are still trying to figure out how they want to have a baby. Reza wants to adopt and Adam wants to go the surrogacy route, which is pretty expensive. Since they want to have a house and not a rescue cat filled condo for the baby, Reza is busy selling off properties to buy one and pay for the $120K price tag that comes with surrogacy to begin with. Clearly, there is some animosity building because when Reza jokingly refers to Adam as a chicken (the actual animal), the talk turns sour and Adam pouts that Reza is mean. It escalates to Reza feeling like he’s always being dismissed and Adam feeling like Reza talks down to him. All because Reza said Adam was like a farm animal.
We finally have a segment with Asa, who has been completely missing from the last two episodes with what is now explained as bed rest. Reza and Adam come to visit and watch her lay in bed and talk about how guilty she feels that her kaftan business is picking up but she is prioritizing caring for her pregnant self. This is one of the reasons why everyone is finding Asa so annoying – even when she is complaining about something in her life, it’s because something else is so amazing. Like all the pregnancy complaints because of her beautiful miracle baby or how hard it is to have a booming business but still be pregnant at the same time.
Reza asks if she feels a disconnect from her friends and Asa maintains that it’s less of a disconnect with them and more of a reconnect with herself. See what I mean about every complaint always being because of something better?
Asa can’t even admit to feeling disconnected from the group, despite going on and on about how negative they are. She admits that six years ago when they were connected, it was all about partying and having a good time but now that Asa’s life has evolved, she doesn’t want to deal with all the popping off and gossiping about one another. Reza takes this as a big eff you to the group, claiming that now that Asa has everything she wants (man, baby, successful line of kaftans), she doesn’t need them anymore. Truthfully though, is that so wrong? I mean, can you blame her? Either way, Asa is skipping the Persian Prom/Winter Wonderland party.
We get to the big night and when Reza and Adam go to pick up MJ and Tommy, we get to see the results of MJ finally getting her boobs in gear and redecorating her apartment so it looks more like a home and less like a crack den. While Tommy and MJ finish getting ready, Adam and Reza decide now would be a great time to rehash their argument so Reza tells Adam how dismissive he’s being. Adam snaps back that he’s so quick to throw out the word divorce but before they can go any further, Mike arrives in full eyeliner and tuxedo and marvels at how the condo has come together. Reza and Adam have no choice but to table the conversation and head to the party.
Everyone arrives and hits the buffet, which Mike is also claiming is some kind of Persian thing that Americans wouldn’t understand. I guess he’s never been to an all you can eat Chinese place? When Shervin Roohparvar arrives, Tommy jokes that he’s a carpenter now because he nails everything. Get it?! Did I mention Tommy is my new favorite?
GG runs around flashing her engagement ring and crowing about being engaged while Shalom looks uncomfortable but once Mike’s mom Sue arrives, GG has to stop bragging about herself and get down to meddling. GG pulls her aside and tells her how Mike still loves Jessica and she knows about the email Jessica sent her. Sue tries to act like she doesn’t know what she’s talking about and at this point, Mike comes rushing over, trying to break things up. Sue shoos him away and he reluctantly leaves, but stews in the background, knowing that GG is up to no good.
As GG goes on, Sue says that everyone (meaning Jessica) makes mistakes but she took Jessica in as her own and even after going to doctor’s appointments with her and making her soup, she doesn’t think that she should have just left when “something happened.” I guess having your marriage vows stomped on by a golden dool that couldn’t keep to itself is Sue’s version of something happening. Either way, the end result of her conversation with GG is “thanks but no thanks, I’m going to continue to hate Jessica.”
Now it’s Mike’s turn to talk to GG and he’s mad that she inserted herself into his business. Bravo takes us for a fun trip down memory lane by then inserting a clip of GG drunkenly screaming at Mike about how he tried to sleep with her in Turkey while Jessica looks on. GG decides she’s not going to take the fall for this and tells Mike it’s Reza he should be mad at since he put her up to it. I guess accountability doesn’t fall under this New and Improved GG. Mike goes over to Reza to yell at him but Reza tells him about the email Jessica sent his mom and Mike was unaware of this. Reza urges him to not let his chance at love slip away all because of his mom’s disapproval. Mike listens and immediately tells his mom that she has to understand that his decisions are his own and he wants her to support that. She agrees to and they go back to the party.
Adam is at the bar telling MJ about his argument with Reza and how it’s making him want to reevaluate being married, even though one of the reasons Adam is mad at Reza is for how easily he talks about divorce. MJ calls Reza over and starts moderating but finds that her work is done when Reza quickly and sincerely apologized. They head off to awkwardly dance together and Reza muses about how they all keep growing and laughing together and he can’t understand why Asa doesn’t want to be on that path with them.
As the night winds down, GG gives a toast, telling everyone about her “revolutionary year” and then screams that Shalom put a ring on it, like everyone didn’t already know after she walked around the whole party telling them. Fast forward a month and we are treated to the moment they said “I do.” Then fast forward another month to the headlines of them filing for divorce and Reza asking viewers if anyone saw it coming. He raises his hand, like we are all doing at home.
This was a pretty uneventful episode but I’m guessing that means the reunion will be anything but! What do you guys think?
Photo Credit: Bravo