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Millionaire Matchmaker Recap: Don’t let the Swords Cross!

by Katherine on September 16th, 2011

Boys, Boys, and more Boys! Finally an episode of Millionaire Matchmaker that was not filled with skanky girls or creepy old men. As Patti Stanger would say, this episode was filled with slip and slides, and I am not talking about the cheap tarp you use to put in your front yard. These slip and slides made this lousy hour of television worth it.

In case Patti did not say it enough times, tonight’s episode was Millionaire Matchmaker history. Two gay millionaires! And both these men seemed pretty great. I actually found out the age old question where are all the guys at? They’re gay! Yes, this episode is proof that all my hope of finding a single decent guy is out the door.

Patti’s ~~D-list~~ celebrity client Madison Hildebrand from Millionaire Dollar Listing finally agrees to let Patti set him up. I sense Bravo did some persuading here. He is apprehensive- do you blame him? Patti sets her millionaires up with scary people – remember the party girl Sheerena.

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Millionaire Matchmaker Episode 4 Recap – Mr. Boring and Mr. More Boring

by Katherine on September 9th, 2011

New day and new time! Millionaire Matchmaker is still here, and Patti Stanger has a whole new night to make her feel better about herself. We begin this episode in true Patti fashion with her showing off ~~her body~~ her DVDs. She is telling her manager how skinny she is while he is telling her she needs to find a man.

The manager explains she is a matchmaker, so she should take her own advice and set herself up. What a marvelous idea! Viewers have been saying that for weeks, but finally someone tells her. What does Patti say? Surprisingly, nothing, maybe he hit a nerve. Destin, ~~in a hat he stole from Joe Gorga~~, introduces our millionaires this week. All I can say is meet Mr. Boring and Mr. More Boring. Southern boy Brandon Broussard is recovering from a break-up and needs true love, and playboy William Stern wants a girl to bring home to mama (isn’t that same story every week?).

Patti meets Brandon and decides she likes him because he is sweet, writes poetry, and is from Louisiana. She also explains he is a good guy because he owns up to his mistakes. Maybe Patti will learn a thing or two from this millionaire?

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Millionaire Matchmaker Episode 3 Recap: The Prince and the Puppeteer

by Katherine on August 30th, 2011

Millionaire Matchmaker starts this episode off by looking like the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills while Patti still desperate to show she has friends is lunching with her fabulous single friends.

Patti Stanger explains to her friends that she is dating and has been seeing some foreign dude. Her friends tell her she would be a great mother with all her temper tantrums, arguing, and making people feel like sh*t. This is a perfect Segway to tonight’s millionaires where Patti must use her mothering gene to nurture one millionaire into the basics of dating 101.

Patti’s new project Daniel Kibblesmith is a complete nerd who is in desperate need of Patti’s awesomeness to land him a gal pal who also appreciates ventriloquism. Daniel quickly shows off his skills of puppetry except he moves his lips the whole time- isn’t that the exact opposite of being a ventriloquist?

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Millionaire Matchmaker Recap: When All Else Fails, Send in Tori Spelling

by Katherine on August 23rd, 2011

The queen of Botox Patti Stanger begins tonight’s Millionaire Matchmaker by flaunting her latest success story of Sex Toy Dave. Patti’s ~~STD~~ Sex Toy Dave did the unthinkable and actually got married. He was probably one of the first in the club. He hunted and fished to find the perfect girl at a house party where he was dancing on a strip pole. Talk about true love! The best part is that Patti is sharing this “success story” when she did not even match the lovebirds! Gotta love that Patti.

Meet ~~future Hugh Hefner~~ Bryan Wallos who makes his fortune by trading hot girl baseball cards. His job is to “supervise” the sexy photo shoots and decide which lingerie the models should wear. He also supervises the models outside of the shoot and has slept with several of the “Benchwarmers” girls who pose for him. He dated one in particular who was way too jealous probably because she knew his obsession with sleeping with the models. Now, Bryan is ready for love and to put all the models behind him (instead of the usual when they are on top.)

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Millionaire Matchmaker Premiere Recap: Single and Ready to Mingle?

by Katherine on August 16th, 2011

On last night’s season 5 premiere of the Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti Stanger took a break from giving her unsolicited love advice to A-list celebrities to return to her day job of finding love for the single millionaires of Los Angeles. She begins the way she ended season four by bashing the singles of New York. Did she forget that is her home territory?

The biggest catch this season is not that Patty shrank 2 dress sizes, but that a certain heart-shaped rock is missing from her left hand. Yes, Patty is back to ~~criticizing~~ matchmaking everyone in LA including herself. Her sidekicks Destin and Rachel are in tow. I was glad to see despite the new single Patty, new office, new recruiters, and new city, that Destin and Rachel kept the same hairstyles.

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