It’s not an episode of Dance Moms if Abby Lee Miller doesn’t tap dance all over the feelings of her dancers, and it’s not the season finale if Lifetime doesn’t force an extra thirty minutes of the show on us. Last night was an emotional ride, with MacKenzie andMaddie Ziegler saying good-bye to their oldest friends and Melissa Gisoni peacing out on the ladies she has loved to hate for the last several years.
For the last week, Maddie wishes for good dances, fun times, and Abby keeping the yelling to a minimum. Keep wishing, kid! Jill hopes the mothers will remember to be on their best behavior, and Jill reminds the mini-moms that this isn’t the time to cause drama. So wise, that Jill.
After a poor showing at the last competition, Abby praises the minis for being her only winners, teasing them with the idea of head shots. Maddie makes the mistake of asking if she’s trying to replace the Zieglers, and Abby retorts that she’s not quitting just because Maddie’s a quitter. Maddie backs down, “It’s your team!” as Abby basically takes full credit for Maddie‘s success. Had she been dancing for anyone else, she’d still be living her boring, humdrum, middle class life. It’s awkward, and I feel both badly for Maddie that her teacher is being so hateful and glad that she’s getting the heck out of dodge.
Rachel McAdams is busy filming amazing movies, and Lindsay Lohan is busy doing whatever it is that Lindsay does, so it’s safe to say that when Tina Fey placed the call for a Mean Girls reunion, the cast of Southern Charm obliged. Let’s skip over the the fact that the crew started last night’s episode the morning after Patricia Altschul‘s flamingo party (I won’t mention that Whitney Sudler-Smith was eating a hot dog for breakfast, but I will note that Michael the butler is having to tidy up after the ruckus).
Craig Conover‘s residence with girlfriend Naomie at her parents’ gorgeous marsh front home in West Ashley has been sold, so the pair is moving to her fixer-upper (read: amazing house) in Mount Pleasant. Craig is fine with this turn of events, as he’d rather live on the streets with Naomie as opposed to in a castle without her. That’s romance, dear readers. Naomie wants the details on Pat’s party, and Craig sheepishly admits that he may have created some of the drama surrounding Thomas Ravenel and Jennifer Snowden‘s showdown, as well as Whitney’s disdain for Kathryn. He provides a lengthy explanation about Kathryn being a trophy that he no longer wanted after Shep tapped that, but he is positive that Whitney is still brewing with jealously.
The cast of Southern Charm is an entertainingly eccentric bunch, no doubt, but no one seems to capture the essence of the Holy City like K. Cooper Ray. The fashion designer, writer, and etiquette enthusiast thrives on the city’s history and protocol, and he has an eye for the smallest details that make the biggest impressions.
After last week’s showdown between Thomas Ravenel and Jennifer Snowden, and being on the receiving end of Patricia Altschul’s cold shoulder, Cooper was gracious enough to sit down with me for an inside scoop as viewers head deeper into the third season of the Bravo hit. After a brief tour of his latest endeavor (more on that in a bit) at The Hidden Countship, a stunning Italian boutique downtown, we chatted for over an hour. I swear, I could listen to this man’s stories for days…he’s had such a fascinating life and has a no nonsense approach to work, friends, and reality stardom. Just as one would expect, Cooper’s anecdotes are peppered with humor, gentility, and subtle shade.
T-Rav heads to JD’s to vent about what happened in Aiken. He reveals that when he threatened not to co-sign Kathryn’s lease, she became so distraught that she had to be hospitalized. Thomas worries about the risks of his son being born prematurely, and he’s ready to write his name on the bottom line. JD warns that his friend doesn’t need to fall prey to any manipulation on Kathryn’s part. T-Rav definitely believes he’s being manipulated, but he blames Jennifer for pulling the puppet strings. Ever since she wanted more from him after their drunken fling (Thomas’ words, not mine), she’s been instigating and doing her best to upset Kathryn by tracking his every move on social media and sharing it with Kathryn. Of course, if it’s on social media, can’t Kathryn find out about T-Rav’s shenanigans herself? The pair both seem rather adept at Twitter rants and Instagram shade.
Of course, Bethenny is the queen of “I told you so,” and she’s also still wary of new addition Jules Wainstein. Someone younger and skinnier? She must be horrendous! (At least according to the laws of Skinnygirl).
Wait, I’m confused…Dance Moms is going to go on without Maddie? Do you hate us that much, Phil Collins? In the wake of Melissa’s announcement, the ALDC team wants to soak up the last few weeks they have with Maddie and MacKenzie. While they’re obviously sad to see them leave (at least the girls are), it’s clear that everyone is excited for what’s to come in Maddie’s skyrocketing career. Jill believes that even though she’s not showing her true feelings, Abby Lee Miller is secretly seething over the news. In other new, Jill is a candidate for MENSA.
At pyramid, Abby rakes her team over the coals for a second place group number, but it’s a step up from not placing the week before. JoJo is on the bottom, and she jokes that she’s been on the bottom a lot lately. This child’s attitude is everything, but Jessalyn objects to JoJo’s placement–she worked hard and did well last week! Abby rips JoJo’s picture from the pyramid, yelling, “We’ll move her!” before placing her at the top of the pyramid and laughing. JoJo is thrilled. Jessalyn is thankful Abby didn’t throw her daughter’s head shot on the ground and stomp on it. If I were everyone in the studio, I’d be slowly backing away…it’s clearly a sign that Abby’s about to go totally loco. Brynn is now the bottom-most dancer for not dancing, with MacKenzie on her heels for not showing enough emotion in her duet with Nia. When MacKenzie tears up, Abby warns her not to be a crybaby. Emotions are only for the stage! Speaking of, Nia’s dancing was emotional and beautiful, but only third rung of the pyramid awesome. Kendall, Maddie, and Kalani make up the second tier in that order. She praises them all.
I no longer dread Mondays thanks to the dear cast members of Southern Charm. Whether they are unpacking wedding gifts in the eleventh hour to host a dinner party or channeling their inner Knight Rider to escape a polo match, there is something mesmerizing about this crew. That said, while I love the light-hearted friendships and silly situations, the darkness that is starting to overshadow the show is sad. These are real people. Y’all know that…you follow them on social media! Let’s get started with last night’s recap, shall we?
As the charmers prepare for another day in the Holy City, Craig Conover is channeling his inner Ryan Serhant with his monochromatic shirt and tie combo. He’s hoping to beat JD into the office because HashtagNewCraig is a go-getter. Across town, Shepard “Shep” Rose is facetiming with his mom and relishing in being a home owner. Not only is he glad to not be bunking at Sullivan’s with Whitney Sudler-Smith, the ladies dig his home ownership. It makes Shep look like he’s got his shiz together…and that’s going to be important if he expects the city’s Board of Architectural Review to green light an above-ground pool and bar on his roof.
Admit it, you’ve missed the Brown family. You’ve missed Kody’s luscious locks and Robyn’s sobbin’. You’re curious as to whether Janelle has high tailed it out of the family (spoiler alert…not so much) and what Mariah will be whining about as Maddie gains more of a story line. Is Christine’s head still in the clouds? Whatever happened with Meri and that pesky catfishing situation? Well, you don’t have much longer to wait, as the new season of Sister Wives is set to premiere on TLC at 8 PM ET on May 8th.
What can we expect this go-round, except of course a random theme party for every inconsequential event? For starters, we’ve got an engagement, and Robyn has another home birth bringing Kody’s eighteenth child into the world, daughter Ariella Mae. We all know none of it would be complete without plenty of family therapy sessions.
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