Do we know the whereabouts of the Bling Ring? Really, are they in jail? Filming a new season of Pretty Wild (I loved that awful show #sorrynotsorry)? Collecting Hollywood paychecks as residuals for the major motion picture that was made about them? The authorities in Calabasas, California may want to find out what that crazy gang of kids has been up to as of late because someone has been ripping off the Kardashians.
Both Khloe Kardashian and sisterKourtney have been robbed recently…and the instances may be connected. Quick, someone call Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson because this could be a job for them (totally obsessed with True Detective when I'm not watching reality shows!). Seriously, it is odd that both sisters were targeted by criminals at the same time.
How much longer is this show going to be on? I remember that the last season of Dance Moms seemed to go on forever, but I honestly don't know how much more I can take of Abby Lee Miller. Last night, she gave Chloe a bit of a reprieve while she focused most of her ugliness on poor Kendall. These girls are not okay with this abuse. Sure, there are a few scenes here and there that make me think parts of the episode are totally scripted, but Kendall's tears were real. The defeat in Chloe's eyes was real. The look on Nia's face that made it quite clear she couldn't stand her dance teacher (loved it!)…that was real.
Before the pyramid, Holly invites Abby and the other mother's to come to her book-signing party for her affirmations. Abby reminds Nia that dance should come first and insinuates she should get credit for ideas behind the book. Abby wonders if her affirmation "silence is golden" will apply when Holly learns that Nia is at the bottom of the pyramid. That's the face I'm talking about, Miss Nia! Kendall follows, and while Abby couldn't find anything wrong with Kendall's performance she wants to punish her for her mother questioning why she wasn't featured in the group dance. Maddie is third from the bottom because she wasn't at the competition, but Abby is still proud of the job she was doing in L.A. Am I wrong or does Abby usually put other dancers who are absent in the last spot? Chloe is in the third spot, and Christi can't believe that Abby gives her daughter even the smallest amount of praise. MacKenzie is second with Kalani topping the pyramid.
Well this is rich. I don't know why I always assume that reality stars will learn from their past behavior and grow. I'm always proven wrong. I suppose that in the event they did become better people, they'd become less entertaining. Case in point? Renee Graziano.
The Mob Wives star didn't exhibit the most glowing portrayal on the most recent season, often turning violent on co-star Natalie Guercio at the drop of a hat…or the word "delicious." Renee also talked a lot of smack about her best friend's wife Alicia DiMichele Garofalo, and it doesn't appear that she's going to stop anytime soon! I guess if she can her name in the tabloids, she doesn't care what she has to say to do it!
In her Bravo blog, Lisa begins, "As we conclude this fiasco of a vacation (I use that word loosely), it brings it all back…I understand Joyce and Michael's comment saying that we should have answered. But, as Joyce now says when she sees the footage since she wasn't there, I answered on the beach–and that for most people would've been enough. So when I witness Yolanda stating I left because I didn't want to have that conversation…she was right. I knew what they were looking for. They were looking for blood. It is quite fascinating to see the two-faced conversations, full of animosity from people I believed to be friends, that led up to this. I hope they are proud of themselves and what they see. I wouldn't be–that's a certainty."
Um…I'm not sure what to do with this information. It's just plain gross, but I think the issue I have with it is that I am not at all surprised by it. Have I become so jaded that nothing to do with Farrah Abraham shocks me anymore? Yes. The answer to that question is yes. In fact, with this morsel of gossip, I find myself saying "eww" in the highest.
So, when the Teen Mom star isn't waxing her daughter's eyebrows or showing up to Couples Therapy sans the other half of her "couple," Farrah is trying to make money off her porn private home sex tape filmed for the sole purpose of promoting her future self-esteem…because Backdoor Teen Mom clearly wasn't filmed on a set…with a production crew…and a porn star. You won't believe the latest gossip! Or maybe you will…
I've never had more of a conflicting feeling when recapping a new show. On one hand, I couldn't wait for the train wreck that is Bravo's Southern Charm. On the other hand, it's a train wreck that's filmed in my backyard of Charleston, South Carolina. Okay, so maybe it's not technically my backyard because I am certainly not living South of Broad (anymore…I did rent a carriage house for two years in law school that was in the exclusive area blocks from the Battery, but it didn't have central air or any form of heat which made it less hoity-toity!), but this is a small town. Everywhere I went yesterday I heard people talking about the show with equal parts disgust and intrigue…which is exactly how I approached it! I do have to applaud Bravo for finally making dudes look like total d-bags instead of focusing on women who eat, sleep, and breathe drama.
And so it begins. In the opening montage, I see my office and my church. It's surreal, but I have a feeling it's something I'm going to have to get used to as the season progresses. I apologize in advance for being all "fan girl" over the city…not the participants in this debacle! Thomas Ravenel, the state's former treasurer, is just ridiculous. I'm going to have the hardest time not being horribly snarky when it comes to T-Rav. I once saw him making out at an oyster bar, and it was sloppy. Then he went to jail. As he's being introduced, co-star Whitney Sudler-Smith (who is also listed as an executive producer on the show…really, Andy Cohen?) does a spot-on interpretation of the name-dropping Southerner. T-Rav opens by reinventing himself on a radio show. Good times.
What's one way to keep your name in the news when you're a former Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star? Well, just talk about how much you'd never return to the show (is Bravo asking? Doubtful.)…unless you got paid a lot of money. So you're saying there's a chance…
Adrienne Maloof is still taking to task the franchise that made her a Bravolebrity, while hinting that she wouldn't turn down the chance to return if the price was right. Maybe Bravo will decide to give her a wedding spin-off if she does, in fact, marry her child-groom. I'd watch. Not.