Well, it's a good thing that Laura Govan isn't returning to Basketball Wives: L.A. because breaking the law doesn't make for a good story line! Oh wait, this is VH1, so yes, yes, it probably does! Laura was just slapped with a lawsuit which alleges she violated federal law. That's never good!
I can't with Abby Lee Miller. I just can't anymore. She's not really this horrible, is she? On last night's episode of Dance Moms, she was sabotaging her girls left and right. In Pittsburgh, Abby is still unhappy over a less than stellar showing at the last competition. She can't even enjoy that the group number was the highest scoring routine of the event. Jill reminds Abby that bringing Chloe 2.0 took time away from Abby's actual team. Abby spent far too much time bringing Chloe 2.0 up to speed. Abby agrees…bringing on one new dancer to replace one member of the ALDC wasn't the best idea. She plans to form an entirely new team to beat her current girls. Only Maddie may get to be a part of this elite squad known as the special victims unit.
During the pyramid, the original Chloe is on the bottom for her fourth place solo, followed by Kendall and then Nia for not winning their duet. Jill and Holly couldn't care less. They know their daughters did far better than anyone could have with such little instruction. MacKenzie rounds out the bottom for not having enough stage presence in the group dance. Brooke is last on the second rung for not pushing herself. Her sister Paige is second on the pyramid with Maddie on top. For this week's New York City competition, both of Kelly's daughters get solos, and Paige also gets a placed in a duet with Chloe. Abby hopes that Kelly will look at this as an opportunity for Paige to shine instead of complaining her daughter is under too much pressure to learn multiple dances. Abby then invites Kelly, Christi, and their daughters to accompany her to the open casting call in NYC. When questioned about the remaining team members, Abby reveals that there is another competition in town in which Nia, Kendall, MacKenzie and Maddie will be performing.
So last night was the Love & Hip Hop reunion part duh deux. Let's hope that Mo'Nique can salvage what was a boring first half. Right off the bat, Mo'Nique warns everyone to keep their seats. She resumes her conversation with Peter Gunz, Tara Wallace, and Amina Buddafly. Mo'Nique questions whether Amina is worried she'll be Tara in ten years. Amina reveals that after a year of marriage, Amina already feels like Tara as Peter is up to his old tricks. We are treated to a highlight reel of the love triangle. I hope that Tara is as grossed out by her language regarding sexing up Peter as I am. Amina reveals that she will never allow herself to become Tara, Peter made her look like a fool, and Amina isn't going to put up with his shenanigans. The women are actually making some mature points, which is a plus. Erica Mena gives Amina a round of applause.
Peter admits that if he'd known Tara had such strong feelings for him, he probably wouldn't have married Amina. He announces that he's too old to be acting like this, and he believes that both women deserve better. Peter needs to work on becoming a better person. Amina interrupts to remind the audience that she loves pulling surprises out of her bra (Mrs. Pansky's drivers' license anyone?) before throwing a positive pregnancy test at Peter. Yup, Urine. She says that unlike Tara, she didn't take the Plan B. Erica is beside herself. "Shiz just got real, y'all!" she yells as Peter storms off the stage. Erica goes to comfort Amina, while Tahiry Jose follows Peter, urging him to publicly apologize to Tara for humiliating her on national television.
Hmmm…which to discuss first–the rumors of Bruce Jenner quietly becoming a woman or the idea that Kim Kardashian would dress baby North in clothing from Target? Decisions, decisions! Luckily for us, they are both equally hilarious notions!
After escaping splitting from Kris Jenner, Bruce has grown out his hair into a flowing mane, the likes of which would make a certain polygamist jealous. He's also been sporting longer fingernails and had his Adam's apple shaved to be less prominent. Those are all totally normal things for a man to do, right? It doesn't necessarily mean anything!
In just a few short weeks, that special brand of crazy known as Real Housewives of New York will be returning, and with it will come Carole Radziwill for her sophomore season. While Carole tends to shy away from the drama (until she gets in her confessional, that is), I'm sure we'll see more spark from her now that she's learned how her co-stars operate.
Not only do we have the show's premiere to look forward to, Carole has just published a new novel titled The Widow's Guide to Sex and Dating. She's happily promoting both the book and the show which means she's clearly got the "housewives' gene"!
So Sister Wives is serious about this commitment ceremony, not to mention the damn mission statement. I think both are the stupidest things I've heard in a long time (and y'all know the shows I watch!), and I'm tempted just to write one for them and plan the event myself. Once again, Kody Brown leads his wives in Attention Deficeit Disorder as they have only forty-five days until the their party. Their event planner (bless her heart) is used to about twelve months of preparation. Christine wants to make sure that the mission statement is read and signed during the ceremony (shocking), and she wants to plant a tree. Meri doesn't want this to seem like a wedding. Not surprisingly, Janelle is totally tuned out…she's planning her escape. She's also sporting a new dual hair color.
Instead of having their ceremony at an expensive venue, they Browns have decided to put that money into their yards and celebrate at the cul-de-sac compound. Their landscaper is questioned about their polygamist choices. He likes the Browns. He thinks they're nice. He believes in Jesus and he thinks they do as well. However, he can't quite wrap his head around the sin of having multiple wives, and he hopes it won't keep them on the wrong side of the Pearly Gates. Robyn is glad she didn't know his feelings when they were doing business. Meri disagrees…he did a good job, he was kind, and not everyone is going to have the same religious beliefs. Janelle cares about work ethic and good people, not religious affiliation.
It's time for he said/she said courtesy of the Bachelor! After a midnight ocean tryst, this season's Bachelor Juan Pablo Galavis started back pedaling–and shaming–his partner in passion. Now Clare Crawley (is she still vying for his attention? I'd have been totally out of there!) is telling her side of the story.
Of course, despite her toast to "making love" and Chris Harrison's hint that the two may have diddled, Clare is setting the record straight. They did not do the deed. Can you imagine the sand in the nether regions? While I'm not sure she's all that convincing, I do think that Juan Pablo handled the situation like a giant bag of skeeze.