I know y’all are sad you won’t be seeing Kody Brown’s gorgeous locks, fancy side ponytail, and denim tuxedo for a while, but alas, last night was the season finale of Sister Wives. The family is back in Las Vegas, which means no more road trip hijinks or Kody shiz shows when “someone” forgets to tightly screw in the tube on the camper’s sewage valve. Ahh, memories. Instead, the season’s final episode treated us to yet another family party. These folks have to commemorate every event with a veggie tray and mission statement, that’s for sure.
The family is prepping for a slide show that chronicles the family since Kody’s wedding to Meri up through his (not recognized by law) union with Robyn. Good times! The crafy Browns are also putting together a scrapbook of their journey through the years. Robyn is thrilled because it’s the first album in which she’ll make an appearance. Self-absorbed much? Kody is strutting a blue tooth (what is this 2009?) and that horrible ponytail that makes him look like a cartoon samurai while dodging inquiries from Christine and daughter Aspyn about Robyn’s growing belly. He fumbles over a “no, she’s not pregnant, what are you talking about?” statement while grinning ear to ear. Don’t ever play poker, Kody. Really. Don’t.
So, the Kardashians have been quiet lately, haven’t they? Yeah, right! If Kim and krew could go a day without gracing every form of media, I may be concerned for their well-being–or the well-being of North West, although Kanye West already has that covered. More on that in a bit…
This is rich. In fact, it’s amazing. Not only does it involve one of the hottest (in my opinion at least) reality stars, he’s making quite a statement. Brody Jenner, thank you for making my day.
Remember when Kim Kardashian and Kanye West married in a ridiculous spectacle complete with one of the Pinkett-Smith children dressed in a Batman costume? Of course you do, it wasn’t even 72 days ago! Well, think back to who wasn’t famewhoring withKeeping up with the Kardashians during the country hopping shindig. No, I’m not talking about Rob Kardashian being a no-show. I’m talking about Brody’s dreamy mug basically snubbing his step-sister’s third wedding. At the time, I thought, Maybe he doesn’t like weddings? But alas, he went to one last weekend…and it was for Kim’s ex-love Reggie Bush. I told you this was amazing.
Last night it was V-Day for Mimi Faust and Nikko on Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta, and of course, by “V” I mean Vivid! The pair’s sex tape was released, and Mimi is beside herself as to how this will effect her daughter later in life. At least her acting is getting better!
Mimi takes Eva to Stevie J.’s so she can figure out her next move. Poor Eva doesn’t have much going for her in the parent department, but she sure is a cutie pie, and she’s good at remembering her lines! Mimi reiterates once again that she’ll be able to provide for her daughter’s future, and while it may not be the best way, it’s HER way. Stevie gives the same speech about how he’s being the best dad he can be while jumping with Eva on a jump castle. I guess jump castles trump child support…
Joseline Hernandez is channeling her energy into a boob-fueled shopping spree. She is still planning a getaway where she can whoop it up with K. Michelle. What happened to her new show? Joseline calls K. Michelle to complain about her marital woes, and K invites her to New York to forget her worries for a while. K. Michelle reminds her that New York would be a great place to make more connections for her music, but Joseline is more focused on meeting men for pleasure…not business. Don’t call it a crossover. It’s a girls’ weekend! Woo hoo!
Hey! Remember on last week’s Sister Wives when Kody got showered in waste at the RV park? Good times for sure! The Browns are on their way across country to meet a Christian polygamist family whose faith isn’t rooted in Mormon principles. This guy is living Kody’s dream. He once got his wife to bake for him and then complained while she was baking that she wasn’t available to cuddle. What will remedy that? Another wife! Who is this guy and how stupid are his wives?
Kody is sporting a fancier version of his usual denim button down. It’s got embroidery on it. Christine is a bit wary about driving across country to meet a family they don’t know. Janelle is happy to mingle with like-minded people. In the dark of night, the families meet, and Kody is beside himself trying to impress the cool Nathaniel Richard and his wives. From what I gather, he only has two wives. They admit to living a secret life, but the Richards share that there are a lot of plural families living in Missouri.
The Richards kids channel their best Sound of Music as they march their way through roll call. The families share a Passover meal where they celebrate (?) beasts and boils. Nathaniel is only thirty-three, and the Brown wives remember just how bright-eyed and idealistic Kody was at his age. From what I gather, the Richard family won’t be getting a spin-off any time soon. They aren’t hip even by Meri standards, and one of the wives is sporting a straight-up banana clip. Someone get this lady a scrunchie so we can at least bring her into the early 90s!
I don’t even know where to begin with this situation…seriously! What would you rather read about first? Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino’s mom fist pumping…into her son’s face? How about Sitch bouncing checks like he used to get bounced out of clubs in Seaside Heights?
Well, let’s start with the good news, shall we? There is love in the air for the former Jersey Shore playboy. While co-stars Jenni “J-Woww” Farley and Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi are set to walk down the aisle soon, Mike is finally thinking about settling down as well. Sorry, ladies! Forget DTF, the Situation is DTM…Down to Marry!
It seems that a post-rehab Situation has reunited with his college sweetheart. Clearly, he met her years ago, since he was pushing thirty when the show started. Having given up his hard partying ways, he has been back together with Lauren Pesce for a few months now, but that’s enough time for Sitch to start hearing wedding bells.
If the Kardashian girls are famous for anything, it’s for famewhoring and a golden shower sex tape their strong work ethic and the sense of power they try to instill in other women. At the forefront of their empowerment movement is mom Kris Jenner, and, according to Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe Kardashian, she’s been their best role model as a business woman.
The sisters will slap their names on anything that stands still long enough, be it dolls, clothing, or make-up. They are entrepreneurs, y’all. Kim doesn’t even care much about the reality shows as they are just a marketing vessel for the Kardashian brand. She’s a damn evil genius, isn’t she?
I don’t know about y’all, but I am still in awe of the fact that Vicki Gunvalson was the voice of reason on Monday’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County. Next week is sure to be a doozie, right? While it was equal parts awkward and painful to watch the scenes with Shannon Beador and husband David as he vocalized with brutal honesty how hard their marriage is, it was actually pretty real for Bravo reality. At least Shannon has learned to be weary of Tamra Judge and her dealings with Heather Dubrow.
Of this week’s show, Shannon starts, “Aloha from Hawaii! I am so happy that you finally get to see what is the beginning of a turning point in my marriage! What starts out to be a tough episode ends with hope for healing in my marriage and I am truly grateful for that!”
Shannon writes, “I probably had one of the most emotional weeks of my life after David sent me the infamous email. Typically I am a pretty strong and secure person, but you can see that I have become insecure, especially about my marriage. Brooks had some great advice at dinner by saying to forget the past because I have to focus on my future and my marriage,” adding, “Going dancing at Andeles was exactly the right prescription for David and I. As much as I love for David to be ‘fun David,’ David also loves it when I am fun. I can be quite crazy and have danced on my fair share of stages and tables when I have been out with David or friends. I’m glad you get to see that. What I am not so proud of, however, are my not-so-pretty dance moves. Yikes!” Yikes is right.