Does Kim Kardashian live in an alternate dimension (we should be so lucky…)? First, she gets excited about this bag and carries it around in public. Then she and tiny rapper fiance Kanye West start planning a honeymoon to outer space (although, if they actually make that happen, I'm happy to donate to the cause!). Next, the pair actually thought they could have their wedding at Versailles…because they are practically royalty, right?
What's next in Kim's land of delusion? How about a size zero wedding dress? Kudos to Kim for losing seventy pounds after the birth of baby North, but girlfriend isn't meant to be a zero. I'm not saying that as a comment to her size, but she'd look silly! She's supposed to have curves–she paid for them after all, didn't she? Plus, not to get all "soap boxy" but I think women put too much pressure on themselves and other women to maintain a certain standard, and it perpetuates a downward spiral both in fame and in the every day lives of us average Janes. Kim is just adding to it with her recent antics.
I guess I should have braced myself for the return of Teen Mom 2. I'd forgotten that with it would come a new media hurricane of all its "stars." I'm used to Jenelle Evans being in the tabloids 24/7/365 (I'm so 2005), but I kind of forget about the other girls when they aren't stored in my DVR.
Perhaps I need to be grateful for non-Jenellecreated drama, but I feel like it's the same story line over and over again with these girls. Guess what? Chelsea Houska is still pretending she's over douchebag and baby daddy Adam Lind while claiming that she doesn't receive help from her ever-present father. Hey, no shame in taking money from the Bank of Dad if he gives it willingly, right…even if you do have all that MTV money for doing nothing more than being totally immature, irresponsible and overly dramatic. That last sentence is not a dig a Chelsea. It's a dig at all of them.
Now, JWoww and Rog are sharing the gender of their little one. Roger took to Twitter, joking, "Been 4 years trying to figure out one girls brain. Now I get to try and figure out another one. Grey hair is in my immediate future." Oh Rog…I'm sure they make product to cover that!
And here I was thinking that Kelly Hyland was being quite passive (so far) on this season of Dance Moms. I had no idea we'll get to see her assault Abby Lee Miller–and the ensuing hearing–on an upcoming episode! Her poor daughters…hopefully Kelly's behavior will give Brooke some melancholy song-writing material. She needs a good ballad in her repertoire.
Apparently Kelly (who, as you recall is not only a crazy dance mom, but also Abby's high school nemesis), became livid when Abby continued scouting for replacement dancers and she pulled Abby's hair. Wow, this is really going back to grade school, isn't it? However, Kelly allegedly kept harassing Abby via social media, landing her with an additional charge. The judge ordered a Twitter ban for the wide-eyed dance mom. Reminds me of a Seinfeld episode…"No tweets for you!"
It's hard being Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, y'all! With all this talk about space honeymoons and astronaut families, you'd think the folks at Versailles would think it would be an out of this world opportunity to host the attention starved couple's wedding. I mean, they should be over the moon at the prospect, right? Surely with Kimye's celebrity wedding guest list, it will be the night of a thousand stars! Too much?
Unfortunately, the not so royal couple's plans to have their nuptials at the beyond lavish 17th century palace outside of Paris may not happen as envisioned. Is this shocking to anyone? Why would such a historic and high brow location want to be tarnished by the Kimye name? Can you even imagine Kanye's wedding toast? Go ahead and try…you know it will be epic!
Does Abby Lee Miller get meaner with each passing second on Dance Moms? Seriously Lifetime, repetitive hatefulness is getting a tad boring! I guess they throw in some Cathy and her Candy Apples for some change, much like last night, but it's so formulaic it's ridiculous!
It's time for the pyramid, and poor Payton hobbles in on crutches after her incident last week. She lands on the bottom, and Abby accuses her of hurting her ankle by fooling around in the wings, not from tripping over a chair like she claimed. When Leslie challenges Abby for calling her daughter a liar, Abby kicks her off the team. Leslie is happy to go…she doesn't want to subject her daughter to any more of this. Well, that proves Leslie isn't as crazy as I thought she was. As poor Payton shuffles out, Kendall takes her place on the bottom for being so late to the competition. A teary Kendall offers up an apology card to Abby which is quickly dismissed. Nia is third from the bottom and Abby "compliments" her for blending in and not being the subject of her ridicule. As Nia quietly thanks her, Holly wonders just what her daughter has to do to move further up the pyramid. Brooke rounds out the bottom rung for missing some choreography.
I'll be honest, I've been so consumed with Jenelle Evanspenchant for crazy for the last several months, I've hardly given any thought to the other Teen Mom 2 stars who were back gracing our televisions last night. While most of the girls' drama is a product of their immaturity, one story line continues to break my heart and isn't a manufactured plot courtesy of MTV producers.
Since Leah Messer Simms Calvert gave birth to twins Aliannah and Aleeah with Corey Simms, viewers have watched the couple struggle with Ali's developmental delays as they travel from doctor to doctor and work with in-home therapists to figure out what is wrong. Now, at four-years-old, Ali has a diagnosis, and it's not as comforting as they had hoped. However, Leah shares in a recent interview that Ali's news has brought her closer to new husband Jeremy Calvert as well as made her a better co-parent with Corey.
Kanye West, don't ever change. How would I be immensely entertained if you ever stopped saying all of the crazy things you love to pontificate about in public. Now he's reaching back to the most amazing VMA debacle ever. No disrespect to Miley Cyrus' twerking fiasco, but Yeezy crashing Taylor Swift's acceptance speech was the most epic low point for the awards show. Ever.
Now five years later, Kanye is chatting yet again about the incident, how it affected him, and what he's learned from it. Geez, Yeez, "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia" much?