I don’t even know what to say about the fact that train wrecks of Teen Mom 2 are back for another season. Part of me roots for these girls like no tomorrow, but the other part of me wants them to get their shiz together off camera and step up to the plate. Regardless, Jenelle Evans, Kailyn Lowry, Chelsea Houska, and Leah Messer (now Calvert) are back for yet another round.
Right off the bat, we’re reminded of the tension (for lack of a better word) between Jenelle and mom Barbara. Jenelle has broken up with Kieffer Delp while completing a rehab stint for her marijuana addiction, and she’s been diagnosed as bi-polar. She plans to stay on the straight and narrow. I’ll keep my laughing to a minimum. Jenelle shares that she and her mother are getting along well, and her attorney Dustin Sullivan calls to remind her that one passed drug test isn’t a victory. She needs to remain on the straight and narrow.
Chelsea recaps her past with the always awesome and supportive Adam Lind. While Chelsea appreciates that her mom is willing to help her with daughter Aubree’s childcare, she hates that her job at the tanning bed keeps her from spending so much time with her kid. Chelsea reveals to her mom that Adam may move in over the weekend, although they aren’t quite back together…at all. He’s just being nice. Shocking, I know!
Last night’s Basketball Wives LA was no different from anything we’ve seen this season thus far. I am just waiting (as I’m sure you are) for some kind of shocking revelation or a giant shoe to drop. We all know Jackie Christie is going to continue to be the focus of the show. Heck, even Laura Govan’s evil ways are starting to lose their drama. What are we to do, VH1?
Laura is meeting Jackie’s daughter Chantel. Chantel tells Laura that Jackie warned her about meeting with her given Jackie thinks Laura has bad intentions. Chantel couldn’t care less. She knows her mother is fame hungry and only cares about appearance. Laura starts to regret her plan to intervene, but then she brings up Chantel’s sister as being too black. Jackie tried to pit her daughters against one another. Growing up, the girls couldn’t even speak because of the things that her mother instilled in them. Chantel felt that she was the placed in a situation as a younger sister where she shouldn’t have been. Laura is in over her head. She just wanted beef against Jackie…she didn’t expect to get a horrid family situation like she did.
Malaysia Pargo, Brooke Bailey, and Laura meet for froyo. Laura and Malaysia share their trip to Seattle with Jackie. Laura tells Brooke that Jackie was calling her oldest daughter too dark and overweight. Malaysia revisits Brooke and Bambi’s rift and hopes that they can make amends at an upcoming 80’s roller skating event.
The scariest part of the ordeal is that doctors still don't know what is wrong with Brandi. After suffering from chest pains and finding a benign lump under her arm, there is still no diagnosis for the brash mother of two. While the hospital trip doesn't seem to be slowing Brandi down–she's still going to be on Watch What Happens Live tonight–it still has to be unnerving to have such a health scare.
Ashley and J.P. will be following in the footsteps of the original Bachelorette couple Trista and Ryan Sutter. Not only are they getting married, but they're doing so in a two hour televised ABC special. Is that part of their contract? #rhetoricalquestions Also, we have some spoilers, so if you don't want to skip ahead 9+ episode's of Sean's Bachelor season and make your own betting pools, consider yourself forewarned.
I never thought I'd be Team Silex about anything, and I mean ANYTHING. However, when you have to choose between somewhat creepy Silex and uber-creepy Dourtney, what else can you do but side with former Real Housewives of New YorkstarsAlex McCord and Simon van Kempen? Of course, I'm talking about a feud that started out on VH1's Couples Therapy, so perhaps that is where I first went astray. I am addicted to this insanity, and I'm not proud of it.
Joining Silex in the therapy sessions, at least up until a week or so ago, was everyone's favorite May-December romantics 52-year-old "actor" Doug Hutchison and his 18-year-old wife Courtney Stodden. I don't have to tell y'all that she was sixteen when the pair married and seventeen when Couples Therapy filmed. Due to child labor laws, Courtney wasn't allowed to film as much as the grown-ups and couldn't stay in a bedroom with her hubby.
If you've been tuning into the train wreck (and I know you secretly have!), you know that Courtney's parade of bikini tops as shirts, Lucite stripper platforms, and belts that she tried to pass off as skirts had the other couples up in arms. Her wardrobe was deemed a major distraction, and Dr. Jenn imposed a strict dress code. Courtney was forced to wear things that covered her belly and didn't flash her bits. The passive aggressive Courtney adhered to this dress code for one day, although she clearly shopped for her conservative clothing at Hoochies 'R Us. From that point, things continued to go down hill for Dourtney. No amount of gum smacking, eye rolling, or hair twirling could save them!
Who doesn't love a Bravo housewife? Furthermore, who doesn't love to see the dirt on the original ladies (okay, so technically one original lady with a bunch of add-ons throughout seasons past) as they all vie for media time? The Real Housewives of Orange County are so funny. The love out-doing one another. And, let's be honest, isn't that why we watch?
While we wait for the OC ladies to make yet another debut, it's fun to see what they are doing in their off-time. For example, Heather Dubrow is all about touting herself as the show's "voice of reason." Yeah, I get she doesn't engage in her co-stars' drama, but that doesn't make her an expert on peace. However, she is an expert on being sickeningly rich and passive aggressive, and for that, I think she's amazeballs.
In the meantime, original gunner Vicki Gunvalson is all about supporting local theater. You have to love that she can take a joke, as she is the biggest fan of the theater group that satires her bread and butter with their rendition of of the Real Drunk Housewives. Finally an honest portrayal of these girls!
It's still sad to see Seaside Heights in all of its glory, and our thoughts and prayers are still with the victims of Hurricane Sandy. Of course, our cringing and laughs are still with last night's episode of Jersey Shore. One half of the meatball brigade continued her messy behavior while a newly sober roommate learned some "shocking" things about his new girlfriend.
Deena Cortese is crying and yelling at Ronnie Ortiz-Magro. It's awkward. He wants to know how he can help her get through her major issues. DJ "Pauly D" Delvecchio believes that Deena will be a new person in the morning…once she's sober. You have to be worried about our future when Pauly D is the voice of reason. Vinny Guadagnino thinks that Deena is suffering from anxiety, and he's an expert on the subject. Deena is hyperventilating, and Vinny is trying to teach her how to cope. Inside, Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola is chastising Rawn for being too hard on Deena even she's losing patience with the roommate herself. Rawn and Jenni "JWoww" Farley think that Deena's parents coddle their daughter too much. Vinny is concerned that Deena is drinking through her issues.
Ronnie calls Deena's mom and learns that her parents are on the way to pick up their daughter. He explains to her parents that Deena is just wasted. She doesn't need to go home, she needs to sleep off her alcohol binge. The housemates are happy that Vinny was able to talk some sense into Deena, and she's much less angry when she rejoins everyone in the den.
Yikes. We all speculate on whether reality shows are scripted or completely fake. Of course, no one ever comes out and says a show isn't legit…especially if it's the star of the show! I guess Dave Hester from Storage Wars didn't get that memo.
The star of the A&E hit has caused lots of drama with the network after rumors started swirling that he was saying the show isn't what it seems to viewers. What? Next, I'm going to hear that Si's beard on Duck Dynasty isn't real. I just don't know how much more of these crazy rumors I can take!