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Elton John Oscar Party

"Auf Wiedersehen!  One day you're in, and the next day, you're out.  You may leave the runway."  Er, I mean the stage.  Supermodel Heidi Klum is expanding on her Project Runway hosting skills into the realm of hardcore talent judging.  That's right!  The Body is joining the judges' panel for America's Got Talent.

Heidi will be joining veteran judges Howie Mandel and Howard Stern, along with fellow newcomer (and former Spice Girl) Mel B.  As you recall, Sharon Osbourne quit at the end of last season when the network wouldn't allow son Jack to appear on a high impact, military-inspired celebrity reality competition show due to his recent MS diagnosis.  Can you blame her? 

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lea-black-rhom

Even though the ladies of Bravo's Real Housewives of Miami finally found their voices in their sophomore season, some could definitely out yell the others.  Of course, Lea Black had a way of using her biting sarcasm to battle the volume of her co-stars.  When she wasn't stirring the pot among her friends or showering them with backhanded compliments, Lea could be found working on her annual gala and spending time with her family.

Everyone knows that Lea's gala is like her second child, and she treats it as such.  In a recent interview, she talks about how she';s prepping for huge April event while promoting a new line of skin care products and juggling her reality career.  I have a feeling next we'll be seeing a line of turbans from Lea, don't you think?

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jacobs cure dream 030512

Carla Facciolo went from zero to sixty in just one short season of Mob Wives.  The VH1 reality star has held her tongue in the past, but so far this season, she's come out with guns (and butter knives!) blazing. 

Many of her cast mates have turned on her given her recent antics, and her biffle Drita D'avanzo constantly finds herself stuck in the middle of her friend's feuds.  It's as if the two have traded places!  Carla is now speaking out about her behavior on the show, and she doesn't care what anyone thinks of her.  Wow, she sure is tough these days!

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kim kardashian kanye west date 081012

Well, there goes the neighborhood!  I'm sorry to let the good people of Bel Air that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are so eager to live in their zip code that no amount of money can convince them otherwise.  I guess they don't really need the money…

As you know, the couple spent $9 million on a mansion in January, and rumors immediately started swirling around that they were going to turn around and sell it.  Not so.  They can't wait to borrow a cup of sugar from Jennifer Aniston, I'm sure!

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ducks

My faith in humanity has been totally restored.  Not only did the powers that be here at Reality Tea have me start recapping Duck Dynasty (score!), but apparently the rest of the world is finally catching on to reality's best kept secret.  The world loves the Robertsons, and that makes me love the world.

As if my love of Si, Willie, Jase, Phil, and their families isn't enough to keep me warm at night, now I am so excited to report that viewers everywhere are following suit.  Last night's ratings for Duck Dynasty were through the roof, and A&E can just sit back and pat itself on the back for a job well done.  The Duck Commander crew has arrived, and I hope they aren't going anywhere.

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june alana hbb

Oh gracious!  Kenya Moore had better redneck-ognize.  The Real Housewives of Atlanta star is not being very Gone With The Wind Fabulous!  In fact, I'd say she's the exact opposite.  The former Miss USA 1993 is bashing on everyone's favorite seven-year-old reality phenomenon.  Remember Kenya, pretty is as pretty does…and jealousy/mean girl remarks aren't very becoming!

Of course, Alana Thompson and Mama June know the old adage, and they live it with their good deeds–even if they get criticized for it.  Not only is Kenya hating on the Here Comes Honey Boo Boo mother/daughter duo, but the the Girl Scouts of America are taking issue with the pair as well.  Do you know who couldn't care less about either one?  That's right.  June and Alana are too busy helping their community to bother with such nonsense.

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rhobh taylor john

Blah, blah, blah, gag, gag, gag, lather, rinse, repeat.  Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' trainwreck Taylor Armstrong is happy to tell anyone who will listen about her budding new romance with attorney John Bluher.  It's a shame that no one really wants to hear it!

Taylor describes her new relationship as a happiness she never thought she'd find.  Even daughter Kennedy is reaping the benefits of her mother's new love life, as Taylor is finally remembering where her child is on a regular basis.  How sweet is that?  It's the stuff fairy tales are made of, y'all!  Congrats Sheena Taylor! 

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dd5

Oh Robertsons, it's been far too long!  Like most of y'all, I have been waiting for last night's season premiere of Duck Dynasty, and (no shocker) Willie, Jase, Si, Phil, and their families did not disappoint.  I couldn't love this show more if I tried.  Sure, there are some scripted elements, but the family love, the faith, and the humor are anything but, and it's just as humbling as it is entertaining to watch.  I'm so thrilled to get to recap the new season. 

The guys are hanging out in the warehouse, and I feel like it's a bunch of Santa's elves hanging out…if Santa's elves wore camo and had a subscription to Field and Stream.  It's no coincidence that Jase likens the boys' anticipation on Duck Season Eve to be that of children waiting for Old St. Nick to make an appearance.  Si thinks he'll be sleighing slaying (sorry, horrible word play!) ducks with not only his rifle, but with his mesmerizing stare.  No doubt we have some readers who wouldn't mind being hypnotized by Si's googly eyes, but I won't call out any of y'all Soncee!  Si must be very careful with how he directs said stare…he doesn't want to knock himself out with its power when he looks in the mirror!

Jase is shocked to hear that Willie will be camping with the boys on Duck Season Eve.  Willie reminds him that it is a family tradition.  He's still a redneck, right?  RIGHT?  Si and Jase then start in on a hilarious diatribe of Willie's idea of roughing it…like opening a garage door manually, having the wrong comfort setting on his sleep number bed, watching a DVD instead of Blu-Ray (you KILL me, Si!), or having to unload the dishwasher because his wife is out of town.  Jase can't believe that Willie is ready to brave the wilderness…after all, he frequents coffee shops.  God, I LOVE this family!  The boys convince Willie to give them the day off so they can prepare for their camping adventure. 

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