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My faith in humanity has been totally restored.  Not only did the powers that be here at Reality Tea have me start recapping Duck Dynasty (score!), but apparently the rest of the world is finally catching on to reality's best kept secret.  The world loves the Robertsons, and that makes me love the world.

As if my love of Si, Willie, Jase, Phil, and their families isn't enough to keep me warm at night, now I am so excited to report that viewers everywhere are following suit.  Last night's ratings for Duck Dynasty were through the roof, and A&E can just sit back and pat itself on the back for a job well done.  The Duck Commander crew has arrived, and I hope they aren't going anywhere.

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june alana hbb

Oh gracious!  Kenya Moore had better redneck-ognize.  The Real Housewives of Atlanta star is not being very Gone With The Wind Fabulous!  In fact, I'd say she's the exact opposite.  The former Miss USA 1993 is bashing on everyone's favorite seven-year-old reality phenomenon.  Remember Kenya, pretty is as pretty does…and jealousy/mean girl remarks aren't very becoming!

Of course, Alana Thompson and Mama June know the old adage, and they live it with their good deeds–even if they get criticized for it.  Not only is Kenya hating on the Here Comes Honey Boo Boo mother/daughter duo, but the the Girl Scouts of America are taking issue with the pair as well.  Do you know who couldn't care less about either one?  That's right.  June and Alana are too busy helping their community to bother with such nonsense.

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rhobh taylor john

Blah, blah, blah, gag, gag, gag, lather, rinse, repeat.  Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' trainwreck Taylor Armstrong is happy to tell anyone who will listen about her budding new romance with attorney John Bluher.  It's a shame that no one really wants to hear it!

Taylor describes her new relationship as a happiness she never thought she'd find.  Even daughter Kennedy is reaping the benefits of her mother's new love life, as Taylor is finally remembering where her child is on a regular basis.  How sweet is that?  It's the stuff fairy tales are made of, y'all!  Congrats Sheena Taylor! 

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Oh Robertsons, it's been far too long!  Like most of y'all, I have been waiting for last night's season premiere of Duck Dynasty, and (no shocker) Willie, Jase, Si, Phil, and their families did not disappoint.  I couldn't love this show more if I tried.  Sure, there are some scripted elements, but the family love, the faith, and the humor are anything but, and it's just as humbling as it is entertaining to watch.  I'm so thrilled to get to recap the new season. 

The guys are hanging out in the warehouse, and I feel like it's a bunch of Santa's elves hanging out…if Santa's elves wore camo and had a subscription to Field and Stream.  It's no coincidence that Jase likens the boys' anticipation on Duck Season Eve to be that of children waiting for Old St. Nick to make an appearance.  Si thinks he'll be sleighing slaying (sorry, horrible word play!) ducks with not only his rifle, but with his mesmerizing stare.  No doubt we have some readers who wouldn't mind being hypnotized by Si's googly eyes, but I won't call out any of y'all Soncee!  Si must be very careful with how he directs said stare…he doesn't want to knock himself out with its power when he looks in the mirror!

Jase is shocked to hear that Willie will be camping with the boys on Duck Season Eve.  Willie reminds him that it is a family tradition.  He's still a redneck, right?  RIGHT?  Si and Jase then start in on a hilarious diatribe of Willie's idea of roughing it…like opening a garage door manually, having the wrong comfort setting on his sleep number bed, watching a DVD instead of Blu-Ray (you KILL me, Si!), or having to unload the dishwasher because his wife is out of town.  Jase can't believe that Willie is ready to brave the wilderness…after all, he frequents coffee shops.  God, I LOVE this family!  The boys convince Willie to give them the day off so they can prepare for their camping adventure. 

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sean-lowe-the-bachelor-st-croix

"Sean Lowe and one of his final two sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes a televised reality dating competition, then comes marriage, then comes…"  Yeah, this isn't quite working out as I'd planned.  I guess the nursery rhyme didn't take modern day fame-whore-dom romance into consideration when singing about baby carriages.  Who makes out in a tree anyway?

Things are heating up as the Bachelor season draws to a close.  Will Sean find true love?  Will he propose?  If so, will he be able to keep it in his pants until saying "I do"? 

ABC is constantly out-doing itself by touting the "most dramatic" or the "most romantic" or the "most shocking" rose ceremonies/hometown dates/proposals in Bachelor franchise history.  I would have appreciated the network's stance even more had it just been honest for once.  If Chris Harrison told me it was going to be the "most vanilla" season in the franchise's history, I would have still tuned in every Monday.  ABC needs to give its viewers more credit.  We're creatures of habit.  No matter how much we never again want to see anyone making out in a hot tub or handing out a rose, we'll still be there.  Count on it.

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maksim chmerkovskiy aol 291112

Now that the new line-up for Dancing with the Stars has been announced, all things DWTS gossip can commence!  Perhaps the biggest bombshell so far, besides Lisa Vanderpump being the first housewife to dance into our living rooms, has to do with one of the seasoned professionals.  Where is Maksim Chmerkovskiy?

Also, now that Julianne Hough is a bona fide movie star, will her brother Derek continue to dance on the show (well, duh…he needs to find girlfriends!) or will he be looking beyond ABC for other career opportunities?  Burning questions, people, burning questions!  

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mom2

Last night's Dance Moms had to have been one for the record books.  Not only did it have the return of Black Patsy, but we got to see Abby Lee Miller express emotions other than hatred or favoritism.  I didn't know she had it in her!  

The episode begins as the girls and moms convene in the studio, but Abby is missing.  She arrives late and explains to everyone that her dog Baby has passed away.  Abby fights through the tears to remind her troupe that this week they will be competing in St. Louis.  The girls are visibly saddened to see their teacher so upset.  Pets are family members, so my heart goes out to Abby.  Losing a pet is devastating.  Abby quickly runs through the pyramid.  Paige is on the bottom for her apparent lack of confidence.  Brooke joins her for only scoring fifth.  MacKenzie rounds out the lowest level.  Kendall is on the second rung, along with Nia whose facial expressions garner praise from Abby.  Maddie seems to have once again secured a permanent residence in the top spot.

The group number will have some ballet choreography, and MacKenzie is once again out of the dance.  Abby touts the piece as an epic love story, and she hopes she'll be able to escape into the fantasy of the dance to forget about the loss of BabyNia is given a solo, and Holly is over the moon for her daughter.  Maddie will also be dancing a solo.  Abby reminds the girls that St. Louis is the home of Nicaya, who is the daughter of blink-and-you-missed-her-but-man-was-she-sassy-putting-the-crazies-in-their-place Black Patsy.  Abby pleads with the moms to be on their best drama-free behavior.  Good luck with that!

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duck dynasty boys

Now, I'm not one to call out someone else on their convictions, but the story you are about to read is ridiculous.  Actually' I don't mean any of that.  It's my job to call out celebrities on everything from political views to fashion mishaps, and this story isn't all that crazy.  Of course, I am just qualifying that last part to prove that I really don't enjoy calling out anyone based on their beliefs.  I could go on forever with this round of circular reasoning.

It's no secret that I am a huge fan of Duck Dynasty.  The Robertson boys make me laugh, give me hope in the family unit, and, if you listen to my friends, solidify the notion that I have a definite type, and that type is anything with a beard.  It's hard for me to imagine anyone not liking this show or this family, but I'm not going to judge someone who doesn't…even if it means that someone cancels a late night talk show appearance last minute to avoid the cast.  Sticking up for what you believe in is an important character trait; however canceling last minute is just plain tacky.  :)

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