I always wanted a sister, and maybe that's why it is so heartbreaking for me to see the demise of Kim Richards and Kyle "Splits" Richards relationship on the past and present seasons of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Check that. If I'd had a sister, there is no question we would fight like cats and dogs (I'm feisty!). However, no imaginary sister of mine would have been cool enough in my younger years to carry Disney's Witch Mountain franchise. Furthermore, had I been blessed with two sisters, the lesser known, but very flexible one could never have pulled off starring along side Bette Davis in the freaky Watcher In The Woods. NERAK!
I realize that I often reference this movie when discussing Splits, but it's amazing. I'd tell you to Redbox it, but you probably need to find your local dying Blockbuster to locate it and see Splits in all of her supernatural glory. I feel like knowing the Richards sisters' past makes me more cognizant of their present. A sober Kim is clearly ridding herself of the demons that found her playing the teenage breadwinner, and Kyle is still uber-jealous that her older sister was the breakout child star. I should stop playing arm chair psychiatrist and get on with the post, right? My apologies.
Thankfully, now that the season we're currently watching has wrapped, everything seems to be much better with the Richards sisters. Thank goodness. Their family drama was painful to endure…at best!
This was a good week for our favorite reality shows! It seems that everyone is getting back into the swing of 2013, and with a routine comes our favorite old habits…watching some of the most fantastically trashy television series known to man.
It's official! Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are moving in together. Unfortunately for us, the house is on this planet. Despite my best efforts to convince Sir Richard Branson, he refuses to offer them a free space flight and leave them stranded on the moon. I really tried to pull some strings. Sorry.
As you all can imagine, the tiny rapper and his poorly dressed lady love (I have to remind y'all of this. Seriously?) aren't just moving into any house. To paraphrase a drunk Kanye, I'm gonna let you talk, but this is the best house of all time. For realsies.
Oompah Loompah, Doopity Doo, Snooki wants another baby, it's true! Twenty-five-year-old Jersey Shore star Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi is a new mom to baby Lorenzo with her fiance Jionni LaValle. We watched her pregnancy progress on the final season of JS, and we'll get to the birth on this season of Snooki & JWoww.
Like a good meatball, Snooki wants lots of kiddos with her gorilla juicehead. They seem to make adorable babies together, so I am sure Lorenzo won't have any grenades as siblings.
There was a coup on last night'sDance Moms, and it was amazing. Abby Lee Miller plans to replace the entire ALDS company after the moms go AWOL in an attempt to bring back Kelly. The star this season seems to be Scripty McFauxdrams. Unfortunately for Abby, only one of her super group performs to her highness' expectations. The original girls don't care…they attract enough attention at their own event!
Christi, Holly, Melissa, and Jill are trying to figure out how to scheme Kelly's way back into the studio. Abby can't believe how strangely the mothers are acting when they all head into the restroom together. The moms have decided to have a stand-off with Abby. They refuse to take part in the pyramid, and they plan on sitting silently in the lounge area. Hard core! Abby is getting a freeze out whenever she attempts conversation. The girls are no where to be found as well. Abby calls Melissa and leaves her a threatening voicemail. Does Melissa really want to jeopardize her daughters' future for Kelly and her girls? Abby is now solely focusing on Ally's solo, and Shelly is curious as to the missing moms. Ally is overwhelmed by the pressure that Abby is putting on her in light of her troupe's absence.
The moms seem to be staging a sit-in in the studio parking lot. Abby is getting the cold shoulder, and no one will look at her nor will they respond. Abby is berating the mothers, and I have to say that these women are getting to be better actors as the seasons continue…because that is clearly what they are doing. Abby decides to take matters into her own hands and calls the police. She's got trespassers, y'all! Abby is laughing maniacally at her diabolical plan as the officers swarm the parking lot. Yes, the moms' behavior is childish, but I so love to see them working together for a common and unselfish goal.
Lord have mercy! I sometimes think that Teen Mom 2 would be easier to watch if I didn't know what was going on with these girls' lives now. Jenelle Evans seems to be hitting rock bottom this season, but we know it only gets worse. Kailyn Lowry is now engaged even though on the show she's still pining over Jo after duping poor Jordan. Leah Messer is remarried with a third baby on the way (although I do like watching her and Corey try to work through their relationship…it helps me reconcile their divorce as being the best decision for both of them), and Chelsea Houska…well, she's still pretty much what you see is what you get…a lot of whining, feathers, and mascara!
Let's get to last night's episode, shall we? Why does Chelsea need to put on fake eyelashes to take her GED tests? I guess they take some of the focus off of those feathers. Aubree has a meltdown as her mom flies off in a bleached haze. Meanwhile Kailyn is leaving Isaac with Jo and his family so she can go to Texas to reconnect with some family. When she arrives in Austin, her cousin is there to meet her at the airport. Austin is definitely on my bucket list. Kailyn reveals that things are stagnant in Pennsylvania because she screwed herself out of a boyfriend.
While Jenelle is back on her bipolar meds, she is still having mood swings. She hopes that she's able to prove to mom Barbara that she's stable enough to be a positivie part of Jace's life. Jenelle shares with a friend that, like, you know, she thinks she may have moved in with Josh, like, you know, too soon. Um, you think? I mean, she waited a week after dating before taking the plunge! Now she realizes, like, you know, that he's totally immature and thinks everything is funny when it's not. Boys! Jenelle also wants to get back custody of Jace before her mom totally dominates his life. Barbara like wants to like raise him the way she thinks is best, you know? Why yes, it's called having his best interests at heart and not taking off to a Ke$ha concert instead of being a mom.
It's been quite some time since we parted ways with those crazy kids from The Hills. With the exception of the two queen bees and arch rivals Lauren Conrad and Kristin Cavallari, most of the cast from the Hills and it's predecessor Laguna Beach have faded off into obscurity, only managing a place in the spotlight thanks to DUI mug shots and quickly canceled reality shows.
As you recall, LC had her fill of bad boys, setting her sights on Jason Wahler in high school. After a brief fling, he disappeared, only to resurface as her main squeeze on The Hills. The poor guy clearly has had his issues with alcohol, and their relationship was very volatile. After Jason, Lauren found comfort in the arms of Doug Reinhardt, a former baseball player and total jackleg. He was so skeezy I needed to shower after watching a scene with him in it. Bless his little rich Laguna heart was he a dolt!
It's not until I hear news like this that I remember how flipping awesome the Olympics were…and now, they're coming back to us (sort of) thanks to Ryan Lochte and (no surprise here) E! Yes, that's right, everyone's himbo with the washboard abs has finally secured his own reality show.
Ryan made a splash (so sorry) in the 2012 Summer Games in London, and he was noticed just as much for his classic good looks, piercing blue eyes, and diamond studded grill as he was for his gold medal winning prowess. Granted, you can practically hear the hamster wheel circling in his head when he tries to form a thought, but he sure is pretty.