Can I get a slow clap for Chad Johnson Ochocinco Johnson Johnson, please? The man is unbelievable. Not only has he been shuffled around the NFL before being fired, he's a literary master at making pizza box metaphors, a D-list playboy, a head-butter, and a reality star who knows that there is no shame in needing subtitles when asking his then fiance Evelyn Lozada how she feels about a threesome. There is something about that level of shamelessness that deserves some sort of credit. And gag.
As you all know, Chad can also add amateur porn star to his stellar resume. Someone leaked a sex tape of Chad and a tatted mistress doing the dirty, and said video was leaked by some media outlets. Wow, Basketball Wives' Evelyn is certainly a lucky lady as she and her former husband continue to "work on themselves."
I'll be honest, I don't know if I'm emotionally prepared for this premiere…or the season for that matter. Of course, I can't wait…especially when we get to see a glimpse into Abby Lee Miller's love life. There seemed to be a lot scripted, but it was still flipping amazing.
The third season of Dance Moms starts with the girls and moms reunite in the parking lot after a long break during the competition season. Noticeably absent are Kelly, Paige, and Brooke. Abby is beyond pissed at Kelly for breaking up the team, but she's equally as upset with the other girls for not consistently coming to practice during their break…news she just found out having spent her break in L.A. filming her spin-off competition show. She immediately tosses the pyramid head shots in the trash because none of them belong on the top, and the girls become teary when Abby announces that she's holding an audition to replace Brooke and Paige before the group heads to a competition in Denver.
The girls are rehearsing their group number, Angels and Demons…except now it's just Angel Singular and Demons because that's what happens when people are quitters. Is it just me or when Abby describes the characters in her choreography do you think she's envisioning herself as the victim or protagonist? "This dance is about an angel who is strong, but she has all of these horrible awful bleached blonde crazies with acrylic nails demons trying to tear her apart." Give me a break! In the viewing room, Jill is hoping that she can get the other moms onboard with calling for a reinstatement of the pyramid. She hates Abby trashed it without giving her daughter any opportunity to be at the top.
It's a Dance Mom's extravaganza! Lifetime knows a good thing when it pas de bourées in the ratings, and the network is going to milk this cash cow for all it's worth. You know what that means? It means that last night you were treated to two and half hours of Abby Lee Miller and the drama mamas. It felt like Christmas all over again, didn't it?
In the hour leading up to the season three premiere, Jeff Collins returned to lead yet another reunion type show, only this time the ladies would be highlighting the upcoming drama instead of rehashing the past. Let's see how this works. Abby is wearing a lot of sequins and bling and spray tan. Taking a few questions from the studio audience, she reveals that she has a special man in her life, and the mothers are the most selfish people on the planet. Okey, dokey. Poor Jeff looks one Ambien shy of hibernation, but luckily the stage setting mirrors (literally!) Abby's outfit, so all the twinkling should keep him awake at least until the premiere begins. He is going to bring out the moms to have some one-on-one time with Abby and the audience.
Holly is the first to untangle her way through the sequined streamers, and she is wearing a tomato red number that seems to combine the finest vinyl with raw silk. Abby immediately comments about it under her breath to Jeff. Holly often gets on Abby's nerves, what with her professional demeanor and her need to analyze things. Holly takes one audience member's question, and responds with a non-answer before making a swift exit.
You could feel the collective intake of air when society as a whole learned the news that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West would be bringing a mini-Kimye into the world. If you were quiet enough, you could probably hear the dollar signs ka-chinging in Kris Jenner's eyeballs. Oh, the spin-offs! The elaborate and totally ridiculously expensive baby gifts (the child will need his or her own private jet)! The publicity! The magazine covers! Did I mention the spin-offs? How are we ever going to continue Keeping Up with theKardashians if they are constantly multiplying?
Kim and Kanye's khild is already internationally famous and the kid hasn't even been born yet. However, being famous for being conceived is far better than one his or her mother is famous for, right? Let's face it…the world had the same fearful reaction for the unborn child's fate when Jersey Shore's tequila-soaked, slipper-wearing, fist-pumping, underwear-forgetting meatball, and that situation (no pun intended) seems to be working out wonderfully. Snooki has truly taken to motherhood, and most people would likely agree that it seems to have changed her for the better. I'm hoping the same for Kim and wish her and tiny rapper my congratulations.
I really like Project Runway, but good gracious why do they keep insisting on switching things up every season? First it jumped networks, then it brought back all-star contestants (I do think that was brillz), now it's losingMichael Kors? Can anything short of a miracle (and/or Austin Scarlett) revitalize this program?
Every reality show run(way)s its course, and this fashion competition is getting ready to start its eleventh season. Not only are we losing the snippy and fabulous Michael Kors, the competition has changed as well. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled at the return of host Heidi Klum and judge Nina Garcia, and I think that Zac Posen will be an amazing replacement for Mr. Kors. I just really don't do all that well with change. Of course, through all the ups, downs, and modeling turn arounds, there is one constant that lays all my fears to rest. Tim Gunn. If these new tweaks in the show are tacky or visionless, there's no doubt Tim will be telling the producers to "make it work!"
You know you've made it big in the reality television world when we're still talking about you long after you got the boot from your Bravo gig…or in one lady's case when her whole city's series got the ax.
Happy New Year! I hope y'all are enjoying the first day of 2013.
It's been a while since we've heard from Basketball Wives' Royce Reed, but apparently she has a lot to say…and I mean A LOT. She recently posted a blog on VH1 which the network promptly took down–and you'll see why when you read it! Luckily for us, Royce reposted her diatribe on Tumblr, and she doesn't mince words. She has some choice words for Evelyn Lozada, and she laughs off any rumors as to whyShaunie O'Neal doesn't like her. Speaking of that relationship, she's give some background into how the show was developed, and Royce claims that Nostrils didn't have much to do with it. Interesting.
Last night was the season finale of Sister Wives followed by a family interview. We watched Logan head off to college, and we were teased with a Kody Brown haircut. I can't say I'm sad to see it end…for now.
Christine is freaking out about the closings of the homes. Kody reveals that the family has yet to qualify for their loans. Um, why are they doing this again if they can't afford it? Kody and his wives head to the bank to pick out their options for their homes. One at a time, the ladies pour over carpet colors and countertops. Robyn is up first, and she's quick to make her decisions. Meri is up next, and she's already over budget. Meri is stressed about the money, but she still wants to see any potential upgrades. Are you kidding me? Kody is quickly getting frustrated because he thinks that a washer and dryer is way more important than special countertops. Meri is on the defensive, and she's over it. She leaves, allowing her sister wives to pick their options.